Freedom1990

A little background on me, clean and sober 18 1/2 years now and active in 12 step fellowships.

I've had 4 major surgeries now since I've been in recovery (first got clean/sober in '86).

I am always honest with doctors and surgeons and proactive about any pain management.

The first three surgeries I was in the hospital several days, and off of any narcotic pain management before I ever went home.

The worst one was back in 1989, and to be honest, I was absolutely bananas for a month after the surgery with my moods being all over the place.

I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, doing what I needed to do in my recovery, and it passed.

I had hernia surgery on the 9th of last month. I had fully expected to go in for laparoscopic surgery (the surgeon also anticipated this).

To make a long story short, it was much more extensive, with 6" worth of staples in me, I was sent home about 4 hours after surgery still in a fair amount of pain even after a shot of morphine, and my daughter went to get the pain meds filled. I had glanced at the script which said endocet, didn't recognize it and that was that.

I didn't realize till I was actually up and around on my own about day three that I was taking oxycodone/apap when I saw the prescription bottle. Ugh.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and believe me, that will be a medication on my chart NOT to ever give again in the event of post-op pain management.

Yes, I took it as prescribed.

However, I am going through that same stuff again where I am just all over the place (about 2 1/2 weeks off the meds now), moody, I'm in college full-time (online), can't concentrate on my classes, I'm a bloody mess emotionally.

I recognize it for what it is. The discomfort will not kill me. This too shall pass.

My sponsor called me this morning and all I can say is that was definitely a God thing. I thought about making that call all morning and it was that thing of the phone was too heavy to pick up, you know?

I just need some hugs and reassurance from people that understand. Thanks.

lostbutterfly

I can give you a hug ((Freedom)).

grateful2b

Devon
:ghug3
you talked to your sponsor...check (and yes, what a wonderful God thing)
you came here and told...check
you reached out to your support network....check
you asked for what you need...check
I know how strong and amazing you are and that you will soldier through this...with us walking beside you
Dev

grateful2b

bump....

Impurrfect

(((DeVon)))

Sending you lots and lots of hugs and prayers!!

I'm sorry you're going through all those old feelings...must be a bit unnerving after all this time, huh?

As G2B said, though, you're doing all the right things. Do you think you could sneak in some snuggle time with that zoo crew you've got? You KNOW how comforting our furbabies are, and you just happen to have a whole crew of them, right there at your disposal...hint, hint

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Freedom1990

It's been really unnerving to say the least. The other thing I was really struggling with is my 20 year old had arthroscopy on her right knee in December, and she was prescribed the same thing.

I think it's safe to say she's not an addict because there's been over half a bottle sitting in the medicine cabinet since a week after her surgery. She's long since recuperated.

I flushed them shortly before my sponsor called today. I just knew I wasn't in a state of mind to have those in this house. My mind kept telling me I was a weenie if I couldn't 'handle' having those there and not touching them. That's the disease talking to me. I haven't felt like that in years and years.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful. Sigh.

Impurrfect

Okay, if you're a weenie, then I'm a weenie when I literally RAN to the toilet to flush pills I found of my stepmom's when she got locked up in Dec. They weren't even my DOC, but my mind was thinking..."hmmm...xanax....I wouldn't be so stressed"....yep, I RAN to the toilet.

We aren't weenies, we're still addicts. We're smart enough, now, to know when we don't need something around us, and that's a GOOD thing

Too bad that addict voice never completely goes away, huh? At least it's a lot more rare.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Freedom1990

Oh my God, Amy, thank you for sharing that with me. I don't feel like such a weenie now!

:ghug :ghug

Gypsy Feet

Seems so unfair after so long! It's like when I got a chest cold about a year after I quit smoking. I was so pissed, because in my mind I deserve free and clear lungs forever for doing the right thing hahah. Glad your staying strong=)

Rowan

I'm glad you came here and shared your experience. It just goes to show that our addict/alcoholic voice is alive and well - no matter how much time we've got in. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you had legitimate pain, and I don't believe we need to martyr ourselves because of our addictions. Try to be patient with yourself and have a ((((hug)))).

michigangirl

Freedom...

weekendbinger

:ghug3 8

Thanks for sharing. Thinking about you and sending hugs!

Dee74

I'm glad you were on the ball Freedom

Hope you feel better soon!
D

Sugah

I had to take opiates in early recovery, and my sponsor still tells me that it's proof positive of the existence of God that I didn't relapse.

I'm sorry that you're going through these feelings right now, and I'm happy for you that you're doing the right thing. Posting about it, allowing others the gift of being helpful and supportive to you, is an incredible thing. Telling on ourselves takes so much of the power out of it.

It was suggested to me that I stay in contact with those who understand, pray a lot and make "This too shall pass" my moment-by-moment mantra.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

CarolD

(+) (+) (+)
Mega Hugs and Prayers for your peace