four812

I had a huge urge on the way home today, but made it through the uncomfortabloness. I got what i didn't want and i didn't have what i wanted. I found myself in "uncomfortable". i wanted to use. pretty strongly.

I recognized what was happening and immediately called my sponsor. he talked and i talked and listened. I made it home and meditated for 20 minutes, and felt better... comfortable. I cooked and ate and started getting anxiety again. I got to the alano club and went online and did 3 things at once. I was high anxiety from the multitasking. I didn't even enjoy it when H & R popped back up after I downloaded the most up-to-date stuff and it said that I had money coming back instead of owing. I went to the meeting and felt insecure and alone. i shared honestly. i feel better now.

up and down. how will I change? i don't know, except that i will keep trying and keep being aware and keep my thoughts and heart in recovery and try to be kind to others on the outside and kind within my thoughts.

Mariposa18

Good Job!!!! I'm sure it wasn't easy, but you did it:ghug3

Fubarcdn

Good job K. Maybe rereading all that work you did on your steps will help. I know I am waiting for your next post on that. You have been an inspiration to me.

Anna

Good for you Ksplash!

I have gotten used to feeling uncomfortable sometimes and I can deal with it. I think it's part of recovery and you're doing great!

four812

thanks for your supportive comments.

today has been nice and comfortable and smooth all day. I'm being careful to not feel "too good", or to get "too busy", as both of those difficulties can occur after I get back to being comfortable.

Peace to you

ToABetterMe

Good for you, for staying strong & reaching out when you knew you were struggling!

TryingSoHard

ksplash, I just saw this post so sorry for the delay in responding.

I can not begin to tell you how amazing it is that you conquered that overwhelming urge, and how proud I am of you. You are absolutely one of the most inspiring people to me here at SR. You have made such incredible progress since I first "met" you here a few months ago.

You said, and wow... I was SO right there with you on that one yesterday. I wouldn't wish it on either of us again. You did ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.

You are doing it, man. You are really doing it.

:ghug2

KindBird

ksplash - it is a gift to all of us that you put the feelings down when you were in them. I can feel that it was a really big challenge and it sounded so hard - really hard and you are here today feeling better and we all shared this process with you (you feeling the pain in a very different way than any of us can).

This stuff is complex and I guess we never know when that urge is going to posses our spirits - yikes. You meditated - that is great. I keep reading about the role meditation or relaxation can play in recovery and I don't think I give it enough credit.

We're here for each other and you putting it out there gave all of us a chance to reach back to you.

four812

thanks for your responses and very kind words. I really appreciate the positive input.

We all so can use that everyday. It helps me build on the good days, and to better prepare for when my mind has trouble processing things and the old "knee jerk" reactions and habits want to kick in. but with this kind of inspiration and direct feedback from you guys it gives me a little more strength, to add to the new muscles that are developing in my desire to change and create a new and more kind way of life.

blessings of peace and perseverences to you all

weekendbinger

Wow.....what a successful experience!!! Thank you for sharing. So glad your sponsor was there, so glad you meditate and so glad you went to a meeting. You are doing all the right things to tackle this demon. SR truly helps too, doesn't it???? Keep it up and please keep us posted.