NoelleR

As Fubarcdn said....: ...I don't want to be the devil's advocate but we only know one side of the story..."

also......

prettypoison, you said, "...I'm so grateful that I can come here. Thanks each and every one of you for yours support. I wouldn't want this incident rolling around inside my head while I'm by myself today..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I don't want to upset, but, like Fubarcdn, I feel a little like a devil's advocate here......not only do we only have one side of 'the story' here, but we seem to have believed it all.....hmmmmm ..... I'm more in line with the Fox Mulder school.....: Trust No One!

Going on only the info you gave, prettypoison (and it was very thorough, not putting you down here at all), I had my doubts regarding this young (?) person's story (and I'm sorry, but it did come across to me as ONLY a story). This person did not sound 'right' and without the irate, drunk father in hot pursuit, I doubt I would have let the person in my house.....and this is NOT because I am a single, 'older' female (I'm a firm believer in the 2nd Amendment and personal protection, and keep a 9mm by my front door.....hehehe).

I went back and reread the info on this young(?) person, and I'm still not cionvinced by his actions or words. Quite frankly, he sounded like he could have been high, and we know (at least I know) how some drugs can affect, and how strong some folks can be, especially when high (even if appearances seem different).....and his lines...."...it hurts, it hurts..." and "...My dad was really drunk and hit me in the side of the head with a wine jug, the big kind!..." they just didn't ring true to me. Plus, when he said, "why, why can't I just stay here, I don't wanna go back there!..." red flares were goin off in my head right then.....

I guess what I'm getting at is.....YES, I would have called 911, and YES, if I could see eminent danger for him (the irate, drunk father), I might have let this person in my house, but without seeing any threat, I would NOT have let him in......it can be WAY too dangerous (just look at the crime stats today, especially home invations.....or however they get in, eh).

Anyway, I'm glad you're ok, prettypoison (just, in the future, be REAL careful about letting folks in your home---you really don't know them, and once a person's in it's real hard to get them out), and I hope the young(?) man got whatever help he needed.....whether it be protection from alcoholic parents, or drugs/alcohol problem of his own, or mental health problems.....who knows...?

.....to all.....take care.....whether alcoholic/addict or friend/family of.....be careful out there.....and in there, and in here too.


NoelleR

KenL

I don't think we need to analize the validity of the story too much here. The bottom line is that Pretty is just looking for a place to vent and get support.

prettypoison

I do understand where you're coming from. We had a hard time determining whether we should let him in. Initially my husband would not open the screen door. But this was not an adult, this was obviously a young person with no coat or shoes on in below freezing temperatures. When my husband opened the door I was on the phone with the dispatcher and I did question our safety. We generally prefer to not get involved in things, but I could not justify turning him away at night in the snow without a coat and nothing on his feet.

Maybe this kid has been through things before? I don't know, red flags or not something was going on with this kid - that is not normal behavior under any circumstance.

It's hard to make such determinations under duress. In that moment the humane side of me took over the fear I felt and I tried to help. I may have taken your stance on this issue if it had not landed on my doorstep..literally.

NoelleR

I wasn't so much analyzing the validity of the story as I was being concerned for prettypoison and her husband.

More and more now we see more and more crimes being committed by younger and younger persons (some being treated as juveniles and others being bumped up and treated as adults---the 'adult crime' 'adult time' thinking).

"... I may have taken your stance on this issue if it had not landed on my doorstep..literally..."

I guess I should have stated that I was speaking out of my own ES&H, however I don't like to think back on those times.....one in particular being very similar to the one described here(he seemed like such a scared child) however.....I did not let the person in, but I did call the police; the person ran off, but was found, and found to be high, and had a knife in his posession (not your pidly li'll thang but a bowie-type knife).....I've also done, what many would call 'stupid' and got in between a friend and her drunken abusive spouse.....it was a good thing (cause I was way stronger than him), but still dangerous.

Yes, it's a tough situation to be in, and I'm so glad it all worked out for you and yours, prettypoison. It's a crazy world out there, and with the unemployment rising almost as fast as the price of gas, it's probably going to get crazier. Let's just all take care, and be safe.


NoelleR

Fubarcdn

You definitely did the exact right thing IMHO. It was good that you were apprehensive and phoned 911 before you let him in and it was good you allowed yourself to be human and compassionate at the same time while still ensuring your safety by having the police on the way. You should be proud of yourself.
I hope you have some nosy neighbors that know this family so we can find out the whole story even though it is none of our business. I am nosy.

gemeritus

One thing you can be sure of, when the police respond to a call it is their job to thoroughly investigate the situation. They most certainly investigated the youth and sought out the parent(s). I'm 100% certain that the boy was taken to the hospital and given a medical examination.

The controls are so tight these days, with all the litigation and PR.

You should feel good that you probably prevented the kid from suffering hypothermia or mild frostbite. Not to mention, his adrenaline was probably surging enough he might have run out in front of a car or knocked on that door with the lady and a gun.

gemeritus

Just a helpful hint, might want to move the weapon away from the door.

1) The bad guy might grab it from you, or if he's grabbing you there is no chance you'll get to it.

2) You are supposed to wait until they force their way into your home before you shoot them, to validate your claim of self-defense.

Of course, this isn't legal advice by any means. It's just common sense with a firearm.

Fubarcdn

I once knew a man that had a 9mm. He also had a gun.

least

You did the right thing, coming to his aid. It's also a 'right thing' to be in good shape and able to know what to do, and be sober to do it.

:ghug3

SummerSkye

That must have been so traumatic for all of you involved!! I hope that the boy and your family are all going to be ok. You helped someone when they needed you no matter what the circumstances were and I think that you should be proud that you were brave enough to try to help.

I think I would be very "freaked" out that this happened so soon after you got sober and I would try to take it as a sign from the universe that you are on the right path.

( Also I really like reading your posts, you come across as a very kind, caring and wise woman!) :ghug

CAPTAINZING2000

Only after the alcoholic gets some recovery under his belt does he look around to see the wreckage he leaves in his wake

Thanks

for sharing

Toomutch

I think under the circumstances you did the right thing. You were sober, allowing you to use good judgement. You let the boy in after you're husband was on with the disbatcher.

You were angles on earth for that young man, you did what was right. I am glad the boy came to your door, if he hadn't who knows what may have happened.

jsml1234

What's sad is that this kind of thing happens often everyday throughout the world. You were just unfortunate to have been part of the monster some of 'us' can become when drinking. I'm glad you and hubby are alright, you made a difference last night.

serenityqueen

I have to say that I am somewhat in shock here. Like KenL. said, PrettyPoison came on here because this really shook her up and yet some seem to feel the need to point out "mistakes" she made in what had to be a terrifying, confusing VERY SHORT period of time.

I feel the need to vent here.

If I opened my door to a child with no coat or shoes on, screaming hysterically, I would have let him in too. People just don't run outside dressed like that in weather like we are having here in Ohio unless something is terribly wrong. It's sad that in today's society, we feel like we have to weigh the options before showing compassion for a child who is obviously distressed and in danger . . . whether it be from a drunk and abusive parent or from himself.

It is frightening that due to the violence that is coming to people's own front doors that some feel the need to keep a gun by the door. Whatever happened to the Welcome Mat? I am not judging someone for what I feel is everyones right to protect themselves, it's just a shame that some people could have been understandingly frightened by such a chaotic moment that this child could have been shot and killed.

PrettyPoison, I can only imagine how truly frightening this was for you and your Husband. . . if it were me, I think I would have done the exact same thing.

They say everything happens for a reason, most times we never do figure out what we think the answer to that is. If the boy was running from a drunken father like he said, I hope that we will all not judge this man too harshly, but pray for him. How many times have WE done something horrible during a drunken episode? Hopefully this will be the wake up call the Father needs if this is what truly happend. If the child was drunk/high/emotionally troubled, the police are now involved so I would imagine they just didn't take him home and drop him off with his Dad.

And what about every single person who has read this thread? Look at how it has effected you. This kid and his Dad will be in my Prayers tonight, that's for sure. Who knows, this incident could be the one thing that may stop someone, including the Father, from picking up some day or night.

As far as wondering what happened to the boy, I would think you could contact the police dept, explain how you were brought into this and ask if he is ok. I don't think they are going to go into details, but at least this way, you will have some kind of reassurance that he's ok. Who knows, he may show up to thank you one day just when you need an emotional pat on the back.

Thank you for letting me share. This really effected me as well. . . as you can tell.

God Bless,
Judy

ViciousCycle

What a beautiful post Judy....you have said it all.

prettypoison

Judy thank you so much for that. I had a really bad day worrying about that kid, being a nervous wreck because I'm not used to that kind of drama and feeling like maybe I did the wrong thing...the implication that I had jeopardized myself and family.

I took that post to heart, it bothered me a lot to think what if that had been one of my children in distress, that they could have chose the wrong house and had a gun pointed at them and told to go away. I have prayed about this over and over because it is so troubling. I don't understand why he chose my house. The only good I can make of it right now is to have the memory of it help me stay sober. I hope what happened is a turning point and brings sobriety and healing to his family.

I know it's a dangerous world out there and I try to be cautious when necessary. However, I refuse to live my life being ruled by fear and that was the bottom line when my door was opened.

Very well said Judy. It's good to know there are still compassionate people.

serenityqueen