Newly discovered problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: St. Cloud, MN
Posts: 1
Newly discovered problem
I'm new to this whole situation, I chose to take the steps to get involved in some type of program or support because I think I may have a problem controlling my drinking behaviors. I have never allowed drinking to harm myself or others, I have never looked at myself and thought I had a problem. Recently however by boyfriend of 3 years told me I drink too much and basically because of that he hates me to make it simple... I wish he understood that him being like that only makes me want to drink more? I drink on occasions, and maybe twice a week, I feel like I drink because I have trouble sleeping and I drink when I feel bad about myself. I took a quiz and it said I have a problem in the making. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do now, I feel like seeking help is silly if I don't really believe I have a problem? People shouldn't change just because others want them too, besides if I do have a problem, how do I ask for his support instead of his anger?
P.S. Just looking for answers
P.S. Just looking for answers
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Hi and Welcome,
If you wonder if you have a problem, try stopping drinking for a fixed period, say for a month and see what happens. You'll probably get your answer.
In my opinion, if your boyfriend thinks you have a problem, and you don't think you have a problem, it's going to be very hard to have a meeting of the minds. It's very hard for people who are not alcoholics, to understand those who are. That's one of the reasons that many of us come here to SR, because we understand each other.
If you wonder if you have a problem, try stopping drinking for a fixed period, say for a month and see what happens. You'll probably get your answer.
In my opinion, if your boyfriend thinks you have a problem, and you don't think you have a problem, it's going to be very hard to have a meeting of the minds. It's very hard for people who are not alcoholics, to understand those who are. That's one of the reasons that many of us come here to SR, because we understand each other.
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
Welcome. Just try and stop drinking. It never even occurred to me I had a problem till someone mentioned my drinking. It made me think maybe I was overdoing it a bit and should cut back or stop. Couldn't do it, although I tried for three years, lol!!! It only got worse!
If you can't stop on your own, you need help and support from a recovery program or at least from a place like this. It's all possible, but not alone.
LB xx
If you can't stop on your own, you need help and support from a recovery program or at least from a place like this. It's all possible, but not alone.
LB xx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,786
If your drinking is such that your bf noticed it and called it a problem, and you are questioning it yourself, there IS a problem cause normal drinkers don't even question their drinking.
Welcome to a great place for support. I am glad I finally got sober. It has eliminated a lot of problems for me.
Welcome to a great place for support. I am glad I finally got sober. It has eliminated a lot of problems for me.
Drunkaholic
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
I'm on my 8th Day being totally sober, thanks to the people on this website. Listen to them. Try their experiment of 30 Day dry period.
Stay completely honest with yourself, hear your inner voice if you find yourself justifying your drinking.
Look for any of the classic signs - mine biggest sign was blackouts or moments the next morning where you couldn't remember the ride (or worse the drive) home, people telling you situations that happened at the bar/party/gathering the night before and you don't remember, etc.
There are many other signs, but the true sign is that voice inside you that just knows when you are abusing. It tells you all sorts of lies, but it also tells you the truth.
Stay completely honest with yourself, hear your inner voice if you find yourself justifying your drinking.
Look for any of the classic signs - mine biggest sign was blackouts or moments the next morning where you couldn't remember the ride (or worse the drive) home, people telling you situations that happened at the bar/party/gathering the night before and you don't remember, etc.
There are many other signs, but the true sign is that voice inside you that just knows when you are abusing. It tells you all sorts of lies, but it also tells you the truth.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Practice what you want to say to him.
You should ask for his support. He doesn't hate you. Anger doesn't always mean hate, but I know how you could be feeling because I'm particularly awful at taking my own advice in that matter. Think of how you're feeling right now. You are upset, and under the circumstances that emotion comes as if naturally. Just the same, he is human and he reacted with anger when someone he cares about was doing something that drew his concern.
Above all you should think about what you want. Your boyfriend can be valuable input, since he knows you. But the best thing to do if you have or suspect you might have an alcohol problem is to focus on your motives, wants and needs. So be kind to yourself. It's an emotional storm when you're confronted with this, but you're in a company of a lot of people who have been there--in one way or another--and we're all here for you.
You should ask for his support. He doesn't hate you. Anger doesn't always mean hate, but I know how you could be feeling because I'm particularly awful at taking my own advice in that matter. Think of how you're feeling right now. You are upset, and under the circumstances that emotion comes as if naturally. Just the same, he is human and he reacted with anger when someone he cares about was doing something that drew his concern.
Above all you should think about what you want. Your boyfriend can be valuable input, since he knows you. But the best thing to do if you have or suspect you might have an alcohol problem is to focus on your motives, wants and needs. So be kind to yourself. It's an emotional storm when you're confronted with this, but you're in a company of a lot of people who have been there--in one way or another--and we're all here for you.
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