James13

My girlfriend broke up with me last Saturday. We were together for 2 years, and she got sober 2 months after we started dating, so she will be 2 years sober in January. She's a recovering alcoholic.

I am 9 days sober, not an alcoholic, but an addict. I admitted I was an addict the day I had enough of my own addiction, and the breakup threw a brick to my face for me to realize this. Losing this relationship has been a horrible pill to swallow. She was everything to me, and I haven't faced the fact she is/was everything to me. She needed alot of affection, and early on I was able to give her what she needed. But in the last year, I have squandered so much time with this beautiful person. I don't know if I would have isolated if I wasn't high, surely not. I was creating time to get high. All I know is that I am dealing with so much regret right now, and kicking myself for being so self centered and choosing to be doing other things rather than with her, so I could accomodate my habit.

I was getting better a few days after she broke it off, and I got sober. Maybe something in my head thought that we could reconcile. But that isn't going to happen. I think at this early point in my sobriety, after 9 days, the fog of my habit and the shock of the breakup is lifting, and I am crying my eyes out. And I am doing this out of regret. Why and how could I take her for granted like this?

I admitted my addiction to her when I decided to get sober, and she has been supportive. But I need space. This morning she called me and asked if I wanted to go to a meeting with her, but I had to decline. (Which I don't regret). I found it odd that she would want to ask me that so early on after the breakup.

Now, I am well aware she isn't perfect, and she could have told me 2 months ago she was thinking of breaking up. Becauuse she admitted she was debating that in her head for 2 months. If she wasn't getting what she needed, she could have said something. We had talked about this before, but we reconciled. I knew she wanted to see me more than she was able to, but I guess I was lost in myself. This is so hard now, to see clearly what I did and what I didn't give her. This is torture.2 days before she broke up, I was going to talk about some stuff she had wanted to talk about, like our future, maybe marriage.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community
Congratulations on your clean time.

You might want to check your local area
for N.A. meetings to help you continue to make progress.

AA has ben immensley sucessful for my recovery
and the face to face support is otstanding.

Good to see you here with us...

least

It's hard enough dealing with addiction all by itself, but a breakup on top of all that - no wonder you're crying. I too would suggest NA meetings, or counseling of some sort. Anything to get you past the worst of this. Face to face support and feedback can be a big help. Please take it one day at a time, today is all you've got so just stay in the moment.

Welcome to a great place for recovery!

Anna

Hi,

Addiction is a very isolating disease.

I'm sorry about what has happened in your life. I think part of recovery is learning to accept what you cannot change. All you can do is to work on your recovery, and the rest will fall into place.

James13

You know, the addiction has been surprisingly easy to deal with right now, other than the regrets. I isolated alot, still do. Maybe it was me and the high made it worse.

Thank you people for listening and showing your support. It really means alot, and just reading these boards I can relate to so much.

I have been trying to get more spiritual for awhile now, but I am now aware that James the addict isn't capable of reaching true enlightenment. I feel better this morning. Ups and downs. Went to my 3rd AA meeting (I like AA's program compared to NA) and already could relate to so much.

I wholeheartedly appreciate your all's support.

James13

Actually, me the addict can reach enlightenment. Me the user can't.

I am now realizing today I have been putting her up on a pedestal in my head. It takes two. Mind you, I take full responsibility for my using and isolating, but that is me, and I have to accept me for who I am.

She could have communicated better about this and not just fled. I have been putting this image of her in my mind as this infallible deity, lol. She's fallible like I am.

I need to start loving, and it begins with me loving myself. I am a lucky guy, because I have alot of people who care about me. That's a beautiful thing.

Someone in the program told me that I didn't have to say what I have done wrong in life, even if it is eating me alive and no matter how bad it was. This person said "I already forgive you".

I'm starting to understand.

So I'll just start by saying I love all you guys.

allport

Sorry to go off subject James but I love your avatar, coolest band ever. (Hope you picked it for the band lol)

Horselover

I am so sorry about your girlfriend James, but you and I both know that regret leads you back to addiction. Live in the here and now and change your tomorrows. If she is meant to be in your life she will come back and if not, someone else may enter your life. We don't know what will happen to our future, but we can effect it by changing ourselves. Glad you are here and hugs to you!

James13

Of course... they are my favorite band! (Well, Frank Black's other stuff is up there with it).

Take care of yourself!

allport

More of a Frank Black fan myself now, welcome to SR.

James13

Thank you, Horselover. That means alot. yes, regret will tear me apart and spit me back out an addict, whether I use or not.

Today I am trying to love myself. I haven't done enough of that, and it is helping with my regret. I need unconditional love in my life. It's the only way I will be able to live my life. But today is what I need to focus on.

Much love to you, Horselover.

Horselover

You got it James. Sometimes treating ourselves to the forgiveness idea is the hardest thing we do, but it is a necessary part of recovery in order to move on. Glad you joined SR and life will get better day by day. I still have my days believe me, but we all do. I really reach out here when I think I'm going to relapse and for 7 months its done the job. Reach out anytime! We'll help you as best we can.

James13

Thanks for the welcome, allport!