findingkermit

your posts are really helpfull.

I didn't drink as much yesterday (still way too much though lol) thanks to being on here reading the posts you guys have put up for me, I have spent so much time reading & reading on here it's really inspiring, thankyou.

It is almost 11 am here now and I haven't had a drink yet, which is really good for me as I usually have a drink in my hand by 8am, 9am at the latest. I'm feeling it, a bit shaky, a bit nervous & empty, and my head is going 'I need a drink' ' I need a drink', I wish it would just sod off and leave me alone.

Jules I read you last PM, thankyou And I did go back and read your story from the begining, I'm still reading it as it is so much like where I am at right now, I am angry too, all I want to do is scream, cry & throw up yuck.

I feel lost today, but I will struggle on trying to control this demon(yeah right) as much as possible until I can get the help I need, or until I have cut down enough to safely detox at home (not much chance of that though) but I will keep trying and trying and trying........

Dee74

Hi FK

I realise your doctor is pushing for a rehab and you don't want that for valid family reasons.

I'm not a great fan of cutting down tho - all it does is prolong the agony. You never really get anywhere either.

Can you get a second opinion?

keep posting anyway - and see how you go today - good luck
D

Hevyn

Hi Findingkermit - All the good stuff's been said, but I'd like to assure you everything you're feeling is perfectly normal. I drank heavily for over 25 yrs. and after I found SR last August I was finally able to summon up the strength to get well. It was hell in the very beginning, but as the months went by I felt much stronger and hopeful. I was so afraid I'd never laugh again, or enjoy anything....(like, I was enjoying my life being half numb all the time!?) Hoping you stay and feel better as you go along, we're routing for you. Love, Joanie

findingkermit

Dee I can't get a second opinion, where we live and even in the next town people are waiting months and months to get onto a Dr's list, we are really short of Drs. And the only other place I can go is the A&D untit in the next town and they are the ones I have laid complaints about who have given us the run around so many times and let me down when I was suicidal last time, I won't go back there.

I know cutting down is dragging out the misery, very much so, only 12 hours without a drink & I'm begining to feel like a blimmin mess already, but I don't what else to do for now.

I have to wait to go to rehab even if I do get accepted it will be a couple of months, and I don't just want to sit here day after day and not be trying something.

My brain feels like the end of one of those old reel movies, flick, flick, flick, all it can think about over & over is how much I want a drink, how much I don't want a drink, & how much I want to stop thinking about how much I want a drink & how much I don't want a drink, I think I'm going mad lol.

Hevyn, thankyou for sharing with me, I have felt like this before, but then I had the help of the valium for the first few days, which really took the edge off and kept me safe from seizures, which was reassuring.

I have eaten again today whic is good, and had a glass of milk, my vitamins & a coffee... Mmmmmm, what now ....

Dee74

Geez, you need to move to Oz, mate LOL
I get you're doing what you can - which is all any of us can do.

I hope the rehab comes through soon.
See how you go not drinking today anyway - we're always here to lend support.

D

Pam08

Glad your hanging in here. It is a tough road, but you can do it. Wish I could send you one of my AA meetings for it is nothing like you described..sorry...not what AA is supose to be like.

The detoxing part with cutting down, that would be hard for me..I am an all or nothing person.
Stay strong and keep coming here....lots of support...you can get thru this...!!!!!!!!

Change4life

Im in a similar situation. I know I need to seek medical help, but fear I will lose my job and apartment. Im thinking I can wean myself off the same way you want to, but ive done it before and obviously it hasnt worked cause im basically drinking myself to death. Im not sure why you think detox is 3-4months, but it isnt. Rehab might be that long, but detox is usually no more than a week. im finally accepting the fact that I cant do this alone and im just prolonging my suffering. Im still not ready to go, but at least im thinking about it. I hope we both make the right decision and free ourselves from the grips of alcoholism. I also understand your fears of the meds I too was heavily addicted to pills, but if you follow the Drs supervision I think you will be okay.
I wish you the best!

findingkermit

thankyou for your post, I know the detox is only 5-7 days, but this time they won't do it unless I agree to go straight to the rehab afterwards and that will be for 3 months or more and sooo far from my family.

The doctor won't prescribe the meds for me, even though she know hubby will administer them and I've used them safely in the past and I've been clean from them for 14 years, so that's a no go, the only thing she is willing to do is refer me back to the same A&D center, and that is just not an option for me.

I have just been reading your thread, you know you won't need a job or a home soon if you don't do something, so what have you got to lose anyway?

I felt really sad for you when I read your posts, and I really hope you will feel strong enough soon to just say "stuff this, I won't let you beat me, I'm worth more than that" !!!

I hope you enjoy your time out and talk with your friend, open up about how it really is, sometimes if friends know how bad it is they can help so much more and can really surprise you at what they can help with.

All the best to you, and thank God for this message booard, I've only been here 2 days and it is helping me so much.

findingkermit

The AA meeting I went to when I was in rehab were great, I really enjoyed them, but that was in another town. I just won't go here because of all the nosey people who look & gossip about who goes into them, it's really sad.