Just gonna jump right in here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: could be anywhere
Posts: 32
Just gonna jump right in here...
I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself to the SR community...
I was raised in a large family run rampant with addictive personalities. Mostly high functioning alcoholics, (with a sprinkling of lower than low functioning ones, and a couple of barely-living sick ones)...
As a teenager I had been the "Life Of The Party" a time or two and had a ridiculously good time doing so.
I married young, had kids, and seemed to transition smoothly into a stage of my life in which parting had no place. For two decades, (give or take a few years), I was happier than I'd ever been, working along side my husband, raising our sons...Alcohol was never a part of our lives, (dido for most of my relatives lol!)
but my husband still smoked pot which became a problem in our marriage as the kid's got older.
Toward the end of our marriage, my husbands pot use increased dramatically, and his behavior became more and more bizarre. In actuality, he had gotten involved with harder drugs, but I didn't catch on because I had never seen him use anything other than pot.
Several months after our divorce, he hit bottom and I learned the truth. I was heart broken, crushed by everything that had gone on! It was worse than I could have imagined, and I felt like a total fool, for not having picked up on it sooner!
I seemed to do alright for a while on my own, but I was struggling financially. I had to find a better job, or another one...something. We had joint custody, and no support order...
I moved to a new city and took a couple jobs, one full time one part time. But I was still hurt and I missed my family. When the boys were with my ex my world went gray. I didn't have the energy, (or the heart), to reinvent a new life so far from home.
I had few friends and I guess I was lonelier than I cared to admit to myself. Every night after work, I would pass by this bar. As I walked by I could hear the music and the laughter, see people dancing, playing pool, having a great time. Sometimes people would be outside smoking, and they were always so friendly, we sometimes exchange hello's and light hearted small talk...
It was so seductive. It started to feel, as if I could go from being a lonely working woman with few friends, to a fun, happy person with an active social life, just by crossing that threshold. I began to walk by ever more slowly, so that I could look inside a little longer.
Going home to an empty apartment got harder every night. One Friday night, I asked some work friends to meet me there to "celebrate my birthday". Well, once the ice was broken, and I got to know some of the "regulars",
I felt comfortable stopping in after work by myself. It did seem to jump start my social life. I was invited to parties, BBQ"s, dinner-get together, and I even began dating...
(but I sometimes I would sense the superficiality of these new "friendships", and the ugly truth about the "Artificial Affection Generator", that made us all so "close". It was all oh-so-familiar to me, from my childhood).
My new lifestyle never interfered with my work, or my time with my sons. As soon as they would arrive, that part of my life simply ceased. but once they were gone, I would start it all back up again.
I wasn't messing up at work, blacking out, getting in fights or getting arrested, still when you are making decisions and choices, in a drunken state of mind, things are bound to get ugly...
I was WAY off my game, and out of my league when I got involved with a brilliant & handsome, but extremely disordered alcoholic man and wound up in a very intense abusive, and obsessive relationship.
This relationship affected every area of my life badly, and yet, I could not seem to completely extract myself from it. It felt very much like an addiction, except that I felt like I was forced to continue, he had such a hold on my mind...my life...somehow...I became isolated and scared.
I was drinking more than ever. drinking with him would always turn into a nightmare, so I stopped doing that, but I drank alone when he was out, desperate to reduce the sheer terror of anticipating his return, and to blot out what a horror my life had become.
To say that I barely escaped alive is not even a slight exaggeration. With the help of my (adult), sons, I went into hiding in a Domestic Violence program. Eight months later I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl, my only daughter. I have not had a problem not drinking,nor have I had any contact with my daughters father, for the past two yrs or so...
However I find that I am still isolating. I don't seem to know how to live anymore. I still seem to attract addicts/alcoholic people into my life. And to tell the truth, I feel more at ease, have more fun with, and feel drawn to them too. It's like were "On The Same Page" right off the bat. before I even know they have these issues.
But I want a different life for myself and my daughter. I know that if I want a different life, I have to live a different way, but it seems like I'm always going to feel like that lonely person walking past the bar...
Thanks to those who read this far...I need a lot of support and I have to start somewhere!
I was raised in a large family run rampant with addictive personalities. Mostly high functioning alcoholics, (with a sprinkling of lower than low functioning ones, and a couple of barely-living sick ones)...
As a teenager I had been the "Life Of The Party" a time or two and had a ridiculously good time doing so.
I married young, had kids, and seemed to transition smoothly into a stage of my life in which parting had no place. For two decades, (give or take a few years), I was happier than I'd ever been, working along side my husband, raising our sons...Alcohol was never a part of our lives, (dido for most of my relatives lol!)
but my husband still smoked pot which became a problem in our marriage as the kid's got older.
Toward the end of our marriage, my husbands pot use increased dramatically, and his behavior became more and more bizarre. In actuality, he had gotten involved with harder drugs, but I didn't catch on because I had never seen him use anything other than pot.
Several months after our divorce, he hit bottom and I learned the truth. I was heart broken, crushed by everything that had gone on! It was worse than I could have imagined, and I felt like a total fool, for not having picked up on it sooner!
I seemed to do alright for a while on my own, but I was struggling financially. I had to find a better job, or another one...something. We had joint custody, and no support order...
I moved to a new city and took a couple jobs, one full time one part time. But I was still hurt and I missed my family. When the boys were with my ex my world went gray. I didn't have the energy, (or the heart), to reinvent a new life so far from home.
I had few friends and I guess I was lonelier than I cared to admit to myself. Every night after work, I would pass by this bar. As I walked by I could hear the music and the laughter, see people dancing, playing pool, having a great time. Sometimes people would be outside smoking, and they were always so friendly, we sometimes exchange hello's and light hearted small talk...
It was so seductive. It started to feel, as if I could go from being a lonely working woman with few friends, to a fun, happy person with an active social life, just by crossing that threshold. I began to walk by ever more slowly, so that I could look inside a little longer.
Going home to an empty apartment got harder every night. One Friday night, I asked some work friends to meet me there to "celebrate my birthday". Well, once the ice was broken, and I got to know some of the "regulars",
I felt comfortable stopping in after work by myself. It did seem to jump start my social life. I was invited to parties, BBQ"s, dinner-get together, and I even began dating...
(but I sometimes I would sense the superficiality of these new "friendships", and the ugly truth about the "Artificial Affection Generator", that made us all so "close". It was all oh-so-familiar to me, from my childhood).
My new lifestyle never interfered with my work, or my time with my sons. As soon as they would arrive, that part of my life simply ceased. but once they were gone, I would start it all back up again.
I wasn't messing up at work, blacking out, getting in fights or getting arrested, still when you are making decisions and choices, in a drunken state of mind, things are bound to get ugly...
I was WAY off my game, and out of my league when I got involved with a brilliant & handsome, but extremely disordered alcoholic man and wound up in a very intense abusive, and obsessive relationship.
This relationship affected every area of my life badly, and yet, I could not seem to completely extract myself from it. It felt very much like an addiction, except that I felt like I was forced to continue, he had such a hold on my mind...my life...somehow...I became isolated and scared.
I was drinking more than ever. drinking with him would always turn into a nightmare, so I stopped doing that, but I drank alone when he was out, desperate to reduce the sheer terror of anticipating his return, and to blot out what a horror my life had become.
To say that I barely escaped alive is not even a slight exaggeration. With the help of my (adult), sons, I went into hiding in a Domestic Violence program. Eight months later I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl, my only daughter. I have not had a problem not drinking,nor have I had any contact with my daughters father, for the past two yrs or so...
However I find that I am still isolating. I don't seem to know how to live anymore. I still seem to attract addicts/alcoholic people into my life. And to tell the truth, I feel more at ease, have more fun with, and feel drawn to them too. It's like were "On The Same Page" right off the bat. before I even know they have these issues.
But I want a different life for myself and my daughter. I know that if I want a different life, I have to live a different way, but it seems like I'm always going to feel like that lonely person walking past the bar...
Thanks to those who read this far...I need a lot of support and I have to start somewhere!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Glitzville
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by Fluxion 
However I find that I am still isolating. I don't seem to know how to live anymore. I still seem to attract addicts/alcoholic people into my life. And to tell the truth, I feel more at ease, have more fun with, and feel drawn to them too. It's like were "On The Same Page" right off the bat. before I even know they have these issues.
But I want a different life for myself and my daughter. I know that if I want a different life, I have to live a different way, but it seems like I'm always going to feel like that lonely person walking past the bar...
But I want a different life for myself and my daughter. I know that if I want a different life, I have to live a different way, but it seems like I'm always going to feel like that lonely person walking past the bar...
All of us here deal with addiction, whether it's ourselves who are the alcoholics/addicts or those who have/had relationships where the significant other is the addict. The "more at ease, more fun with" and being drawn to these individuals is your own addictive voice speaking to you.
If you don't have an alcohol problem yourself, I would highly suggest taking a good amount of time reading in the "Friends and Family of Alcohlics" section and perusing the stickies on the top. There is a wealth of information there. Please feel free to post there as well. The men and women there know their stuff and are most supportive.
Alanon is a respected place where you can get some face-to-face time with others dealing with these issues and is located in most cities across the U.S.
Isolation is a sure sign that you are stuck somewhere. It sounds like you reached a point in your life where you're ready to have some healing and move forward in a healthy way.
Soberrecovery is a wonderful place for that, and the support is just so fabulous. You've hit a gold mine here.
I hope this gives you some general tips.
Thanks for sharing.
Am sending you big hugs.
Donna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: could be anywhere
Posts: 32
Thanks Donna, I appreciate that you took the time to read that (lengthy), post.
At 45 I have a toddler, none of my friends do lol! I met a women a few weeks ago, who has a one yr.old, we hit it off and so did our children. Last Friday we went shopping together, and on the way home she stopped at a friends house, and said "friend" was waiting in the street and handed her a bag of grass! (I knew before she stopped that something was up, b/c she never did say WHY she was "running in" to her friends house. She looked totally pissed when he slapped the bag on her leg in front of me)
I don't want to turn into a judgmental you-know-what, but our kids were in the back seat!! Then she got angry with me cause she could see that I was obviously upset on the way home... Then she tried to lie about the whole thing...I am just SO over dealing with this kind of thing! Uhhggg!! It seems like everywhere I go, I run into someone who uses something, prescription abuse, alcohol, street drugs...But I'm addicted to coffee and cigarettes so who am I to judge!
I will look into the friends & family forum you mentioned, but I feel right at home everywhere here at SR
At 45 I have a toddler, none of my friends do lol! I met a women a few weeks ago, who has a one yr.old, we hit it off and so did our children. Last Friday we went shopping together, and on the way home she stopped at a friends house, and said "friend" was waiting in the street and handed her a bag of grass! (I knew before she stopped that something was up, b/c she never did say WHY she was "running in" to her friends house. She looked totally pissed when he slapped the bag on her leg in front of me)
I don't want to turn into a judgmental you-know-what, but our kids were in the back seat!! Then she got angry with me cause she could see that I was obviously upset on the way home... Then she tried to lie about the whole thing...I am just SO over dealing with this kind of thing! Uhhggg!! It seems like everywhere I go, I run into someone who uses something, prescription abuse, alcohol, street drugs...But I'm addicted to coffee and cigarettes so who am I to judge!
I will look into the friends & family forum you mentioned, but I feel right at home everywhere here at SR
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Of course you were upset that your new friend
would have drugs in the car with children ..and YOU.
How foolish is that!
:brick
Glad to see you posting with us...
Blessings to you and your children
would have drugs in the car with children ..and YOU.
How foolish is that!
:brick
Glad to see you posting with us...
Blessings to you and your children
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family, fluxion!
I loved this line:
(but I sometimes I would sense the superficiality of these new "friendships", and the ugly truth about the "Artificial Affection Generator", that made us all so "close". It was all oh-so-familiar to me, from my childhood).
Ha! You've met my old drinking buddies, too!
You sound like a woman who is wise beyond her years. Good for you.
You have been able to see through the lies of alcohol and step away before being consumed by addiction. Then there was the pot and rx abuse knowledge you gained. Wow, you're gonna fit right in here.
This is a sober, cyber hug for you Welcome!
I loved this line:
(but I sometimes I would sense the superficiality of these new "friendships", and the ugly truth about the "Artificial Affection Generator", that made us all so "close". It was all oh-so-familiar to me, from my childhood).
Ha! You've met my old drinking buddies, too!
You sound like a woman who is wise beyond her years. Good for you.
You have been able to see through the lies of alcohol and step away before being consumed by addiction. Then there was the pot and rx abuse knowledge you gained. Wow, you're gonna fit right in here.
This is a sober, cyber hug for you
Welcome!
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
as I got older and older other friends got families and friends. The only friends I knew was the same one where we would drink and hang out. I don't think we even liked each other. Just there so we don't feel so bad pounding the brewdogs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: could be anywhere
Posts: 32
Thanks for the welcome Pelican,
Yeah... drinking buddies are definitely interchangeable. lol!
Mcribb...That it exactly. We were all "just there", so we didn't have to feel so bad about ourselves. Thanks for coming by and telling it like it is.
Yeah... drinking buddies are definitely interchangeable. lol!
Mcribb...That it exactly. We were all "just there", so we didn't have to feel so bad about ourselves. Thanks for coming by and telling it like it is.
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