sparkey33

hi

i have been trying to give up drinking but find it very difficult i dont know if i am alcoholic or not i dont think that matters. but what is making it hard for me is that i have met a man who is also a drinker and we have started a realtionship i have pointed out to him that i would like us to do other things like meals (sober things)and not drinking everytime we see each other. this is easier said than done as we both like going to the pub and the social scene.. i feel i am not quite ready to give up drinking yet but would like to try too.

A separate issue i have is that i seem to find it difficult to be round a man sober as my last 2 relationships were with alcoholics and we drank togther alot this is why we spilt up. But does anyone else have this problem of feeling nervous round a man when you are sober?

The only way i feel i can solve this is to do more things sober togother what do others think? i have only known this man recently for about a month so still very early stages of relaionship as well.

Any advice would be great!

Horselover

I would say start the relationship with your eyes open. I think when we drink, especially to excess, we aren't present and don't really have a chance to know the person. As far as whether you're an alcoholic or not, I would suggest giving it up and if you can't . . . Only you can answer that question though.

Welcome Sparkey and I am glad you came here. I hope you find what you are searching for.

least

Welcome Sparkey! Glad you found us. I agree with Horselover. Enter the relationship with your eyes wide open. Can you explain to him you'd like to stop drinking for 'health' reasons? Staying sober IS better for your health. Also, it doesn't matter what you call or don't call yourself. If you feel that drinking is bad for you, then it's bad for you.

If you want to get sober for your own good, I'd tell this guy and see if the relationship goes forward or 'stalls'. It seems worth considering since you ended/lost two relationships due to alcohol. Maybe start this one without alcohol, see if it makes it better.

All the best to you!

:ghug3

CarolD

Welcome...

When I was a drinker....I always hung
out with other ...mostly in bars.

When I quit...because I no longer liked the woman
alcohol had turned me into....
I found new friends in the meeting rooms of AA.

It was a wise move for me...

Hevyn

Pleased to meet you, Sparkey - I agree with my friends Horselover and Least. I had a 2-yr. relationship with an alcoholic long ago - I was drinking when we met & drank all through our time together. When I finally sobered up I realized we had nothing in common, & he wasn't attractive to me when I was sober - one of those "what was I thinking?" deals. I also drank the whole time I dated my husband & we've been married for 4 yrs. It's just pure luck that after I sobered up this time, I really was in love with him - but it could've been just the opposite! Our judgment is so impaired when we drink - it's fun to have a drinking buddy - & it's easy to talk ourselves into thinking it's more than that. I'm not suggesting this is the case with you - but if he never wants to do anything other than sit and drink, I'd be very careful. Regardless, congratulations to you for finding help and telling us your story - a wise decision - this is a wonderful place. Please let us know how it's going.

Aysha