inoishudbdead

Ive recently have quit drinking and all drugs, ive been almost an entire month sober so far. I was addicted to alcohol for about 2 years, and marijuana for about 4 years. Ive also done several other drugs in the past such as cocaine, ecstasy, and salvia as well, but never developed an addiction. However, ive given all of that up now as well as, my previous self-destructive lifestyle, but there's this one thing that i just cant get over.

I began seeing a good friend of mine that i have been friends with for over a year and we were in the beginning of developing a good relationship. she knew that i drank a fair bit, and smoked pot, but never to the extent that i did and i purposely told her very little about my past because i come from a bad neighborhood and because of that many of the things that i have had to do or put up with were out of my control and i also grew up with an alcoholic father and a well i wouldn't say i had the most dysfunctional family there ever was but it definitely wasn't functional....

However, this summer i went to visit her and her parents that i have never met before and at this point i was smoking pot everyday and just up until recently began drinking everyday after work. I stopped doing all of this when i went to go visit her and was fine for the first day, but the second day i was completely paranoid from drinking everyday and after smoking pot for so long it kind of flips on you when you have smoked for so long. You no longer get paranoid when your high, but you are when you are sober. I knew this already and was able to dismiss the paranoia from the pot cause i have stopped from time to time before, but the combination of the two i didn't expect and it was way worse than i thought it would be.

needless to say i pretty much freaked out. i even had some pot in my car and considered sneaking out and smoking it to level my head out a bit, but decided not to... to make a long story short it was a very bad visit and ended with me freaking everyone out and making a complete fool of myself. now we just began talking again, but very little and i just don't know what to do, she knows i've stopped drinking and smoking up. i would like to be able to fix the situation but i can't.

its just frustration because i had such good intentions and i really do have strong feelings for this girl, and she had them for me too. Lmao it sucks cause i can't explain all of this to her and her family it would be way too much and i don't think they would be very impressed anyways even though i've stopped all of those things now. I'm still the same person that she liked before, my personality or feelings for her have never changed i'm just not sure if she knows that.

TryingSoHard

Hi, and thanks for sharing.

I just have to ask - why do you feel you can't explain this to her? If you really do have strong feelings for her, and would like to see things move in a positive direction, honesty really is the way to go. Especially if you're honestly quitting and trying to make some changes in your life for the better. Lying to her, or hiding things from her, is no way to try to start a relationship.

That said, I feel badly for you and how things went. I'm sure it's very frustrating, feeling like here you are trying to do the right thing and the trip went very badly anyway.

I wish you the best. Keep posting.

Anna

Hi,

It's really hard for other people to understand addiction and the effects that it has on our lives.

You can show your friend, through your actions, how you have changed.

inoishudbdead

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice.

And the reason why i never have told her these things is because i didn't want to scare her away and its not the kind of things that just come up in a normal conversation anyways so i kind of just avoided talking about it... id like to tell her all of this but i don't want her to think badly of my father and i've just always felt like laying all of these issues on someone else would be a little to much for someone to handle because its hard enough for me and i've had years to deal with it.

Also i'm not really the kind person that's used to talking about my issues. i usually just bury everything and plow over it because i don't want anyone to feel bad for me and i really don't want to just lay all of my problems onto someone else's shoulders.