Relationships
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Relationships
Probably been asked before,
Where does the reccomendation that a newcomer stay out of relationships for a year originate from? Is this out of the big book? I have been told no.
Just wanted to know what this is based on..........
C
Where does the reccomendation that a newcomer stay out of relationships for a year originate from? Is this out of the big book? I have been told no.
Just wanted to know what this is based on..........
C
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi,
I'm not an AA person, but I think, in general, you need to be very careful of your vulnerability in early recovery. I know for me, there were a lot of changes and it was a process that took time and I felt very protective of myself.
I'm not an AA person, but I think, in general, you need to be very careful of your vulnerability in early recovery. I know for me, there were a lot of changes and it was a process that took time and I felt very protective of myself.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
i know when my daughter was in rehab and outpatient programs that the counselors said to me that relationships in early recovery can serve as "distractions" from the task at hand - which is staying sober and clean.
that made sense to me.
hugs, k
that made sense to me.
hugs, k
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please look in the AA book....12 Steps and 12 Traditions
on page 119 about relationships.
I ask my AA sponsees to finish their formal 12 Steps
begore beginning a new love. Those who do...seem
to have a smoother time with less drama.
I feel it's vital in early recovery to concentrate
on your personal growth without new people
clouding your mind.
It's not fair to you or the new love
to start anything when recovery is
taking so much of your time and ennergy.
JMO
on page 119 about relationships.
I ask my AA sponsees to finish their formal 12 Steps
begore beginning a new love. Those who do...seem
to have a smoother time with less drama.
I feel it's vital in early recovery to concentrate
on your personal growth without new people
clouding your mind.
It's not fair to you or the new love
to start anything when recovery is
taking so much of your time and ennergy.
JMO
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Isn't THAT the truth!
I am having a hard enough time finding time for my husband that I have been married to for 9 years. I am so grateful that he understands but he did tell me this morning that he misses me.
I am having a hard enough time finding time for my husband that I have been married to for 9 years. I am so grateful that he understands but he did tell me this morning that he misses me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
So far I have not been "sucessful" so to speak in a relationship. I have done relationships drunk, sober, over a year and under a year. So I don't put a lot of stock in the advise to have no romantic envolvements in the first year.
HOWEVER, I have a lot of my own expereince and have seen in others that putting recovery as the top priority is key. This time around I developed a crush at 6 or 7 mos, had a date at a little under a year and did the heart break thing at a little over a year...but the consistant thing is that i always was able to keep focus on my sobriety and my life on my friendships and my work rather than becoming excessively focused on that one situation.
Now I'm not saying I didn't have days of obsession
but i focused on what I could learn from this relationship in my life. Actually made my 4th step a lot more useful cause it brought out alot of stuff I might have missed otherwise. No real regrets about the whole thing other than that I didn't get what I wanted 
HOWEVER, I have a lot of my own expereince and have seen in others that putting recovery as the top priority is key. This time around I developed a crush at 6 or 7 mos, had a date at a little under a year and did the heart break thing at a little over a year...but the consistant thing is that i always was able to keep focus on my sobriety and my life on my friendships and my work rather than becoming excessively focused on that one situation.
Now I'm not saying I didn't have days of obsession
but i focused on what I could learn from this relationship in my life. Actually made my 4th step a lot more useful cause it brought out alot of stuff I might have missed otherwise. No real regrets about the whole thing other than that I didn't get what I wanted Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
thanks for the replies, as always good stuff. I will check out the BB passages noted as well .......
It is sound thinking.
I am just hyper aware these days of "suggestions" in the program and where they come from, alot of stuff I hear has no basis in the AA literature or traditions.
Just being careful.....
C
It is sound thinking.
I am just hyper aware these days of "suggestions" in the program and where they come from, alot of stuff I hear has no basis in the AA literature or traditions.
Just being careful.....
C
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