flutter

Hi all..
So this evening I found a meeting near me, at the perfect time/location, for beginners. I had a month under my belt, and blew it this past week. I thought I could go to the store and not buy liquor... I thought I could buy it, and not drink out of control... I thought I could drink out of control and that no one would notice. Wrong, of course. WTF... darn alcoholic brain! I gotta get that part in control, because I KNOW I can live without alcohol. I want to, I think I just need some focus, and none of this "I can do everything on my own" BS.

I know I can't do this on my own. I do have an issue with the Higher Power part of AA, but for now, it's the only meeting I can find today. I believe that because it is for beginners, there will be a lot of opportunities for questions, or just a room full of supportive people, and basically, it will be a much better place to be at 7pm on a Saturday night than at home, alone.

I'm scared.. I'm scared I'll know someone.. I'm scared to talk right now.. I'm scared there will be no one there (right!?).. I'm scared to show my face.

Wasn't sure if this was the best place to post, so I'm posting in both 12 Step Support, and Newcomers to Recovery.

Thank you for reading.

NewDayNow

Hi Flutter,

I've only been to two AA meetings this past 3 weeks. I've been to many more in the past. So, I'm not an expert on AA meetings. AA meetings are not all the same. If this one dos'nt toot your horn. Travel around a bit.

I can tell you that I was comfortable at all of the meetings I went to and I was very glad I made it there. I plan on making a meeting a week from now on.

You can stay sober. You just need the desire and a willingness to accept the help. In the end, it is up to you.

Ed

flutter

Thank you Ed..

So, I read my schedule wrong, the meeting actually started 15 min earlier than I got there, and it was not the Beginners meeting, they had changed the days for Beginners and this particular group. It was an open group, everyone sharing experiences. I had a really hard time.. It was deeply religiously based, and not one person there had been sober for less than 15 years. I'll have to make note of the beginners meeting! I still have faith that it will be helpful! Not that this wasn't, it was interesting to hear people talk so openly about alcoholism, but I was so unable to relate to things they were talking about having gone through in recovery that I'm not quite near to yet.

I'll try again! Looks like there's a beginners meeting on Wed (yes I double checked!)

Anna

Hi Flutter,

Oh yes, the alcoholic mind is always at work convincing us we can do things that we know we can't.

I'm glad you are seeking recovery.

sailorjohn

Just a thought, ymmv, I am a journeyman plumber/pipefitter by trade, learned my craft-for the most part-from folks with 15 or more years of experience. Not sure how much I would have learned from folks that didn't have any more experience than I did.

CarolD

I just replied to your other thread.....asking you come back
and tell us how the meeting worked out.

I find it more useful to listen to how folks stay sober
than howe they came into AA.
They most likely told their particular stories ...knowing
you were new.....they had a First Step meeting.
This is often done when we see a new person.

What is the First Step?
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -
that our lives had become unmanageable"

I think you are seeing that is true for you
as you could not go to the store and not buy alcohol.

Also...your will power failed and you drank again.

I think of meetings as classrooms for sober
living. The more often I go...the quicker I learn.

Quote:First Edition...Alcoholics Anonymous

flutter

I totally understand what you're saying.. I think because it wasn't the meeting I thought it was, and because it's the first one I've ever been to, I was a bit surprised at some things. I'm sure they knew I was new (as I hadn't been there before) but I didn't choose to speak about anything or indicate my newbie-ness

I would go back to the same meeting in a heartbeat, and NOW I know what it is like. I would also just like to make some connections to some people just starting their journey of recovery as well. The more the merrier!

But of course, I can and already have learned (even in one short night) many things from some very kind AA pros.

I feel a bit exhausted, emotional.. but sober. Yay

BeamMeUpScotty

First off, best of luck to you in your sobriety and whatever means you use to stay there.

I'm curious that in your first post you had mentioned you had a bit of a problem with the "higher power" concept of AA. Would you care to elaborate? The reason I'm asking is I too have a major problem with that part of AA. I don't have a problem with the concept of a higher power in that I don't believe that one exists--hence, no problem. With regard to AA it was such a stumbling block in the small group I was going to (I think 5 or 6 times total) that I stopped going. I'm still sober and not stressing about not going. Just curious to hear your thoughts.

BTW, I have nothing against AA if it is what people connect with and helps them get/stay sober. I do have a problem with people who say it is basically the only way to get/stay sober. There's more than one way to cat a skin (speak to sew).

bostonluv

Flutter - Just FYI - The beginners meetings I went to did not consist of "beginners." I thought it'd be easier if we were all nervous and new and they'd explain the steps and there would be a row of sponsors for each of after the meeting. Ha! I don't think the titles of the meetings mean anything but hopefully someone will come on with some insight into that. I hope you'll keep going for awhile to see if it's helpful for your recovery, as it has been to so many others.

tommyk

Keep going to the meetings no matter what your disease finds wrong there.

I didn't get the whole algebra thing until I understood arithmetic.

BeamMeUpScotty

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I take some exception with this. AA is not for everybody and it is not the end-all and be-all for recovering alcoholics. Again, I have nothing against AA in general and if it works for somebody, more power to him/her.

To tell someone to keep doing something even if it is not working and/or it just feels wrong to that person is misguided at best and harmful at worst. I felt more like drinking after I left an AA meeting than at any other time during the week. Why should I have kept going?

There is more than one path to recovery, and ultimately it is up to each person to find what works for herself or himself.

Ananda

Hi flutter,

I'm really glad you went to an aa meeting. It is a very powerful tool for recovery for many people. I attend AA even though I do not believe in god. I have had struggles over this from time to time, but regardless the benifits of AA have been tremendous. I have many friends here at SR that use other methods of recovery and are happily sober, so you have other options if you need or want them. Since you are interested in looking at AA as a method of recovery, I wanted to let you know that there are many paths within AA, and that the HP concept is something that many are able to deal with and attend AA.

Also, I really liked what you shared about how nice it is to have other people new to sobriety around you. Although I have not seen it done in years, when I got sober it was recomended to have 2 sponsors...one with less than a year and one with at least 2 years (usually more like 5 or more). The support I recieve from members with years of sobriety is terribly important...but you are right there is a real benifit to having many friends who are begining this journey with you.

You have a wonderful willingness and desire and it is a joy to watch you begin this journey 8

Please stick around SR as well!

NewDayNow

Very true Beammeup, The path we take to solid sobriety is a personal decision.

Me, I’m on the AA path. I’m taking the steps I believe will get me to the life I want. I’m sure it’s not the only path

Ed

BeamMeUpScotty

I'll be honest here. The reason I went to AA was to meet with English speakers in the same boat. I had been in a "self-help" group for another issue and I know the value of empathetic fellowship in times of strife and trouble. I read the only requirement was a desire to stay sober, so off I went.

So, I went and they were small meetings, which was fine and I told "my story". After several weeks, I was being pressed on "the step work". I made it clear I didn't believe in a higher power and was content just to go to the meetings to talk with people and was not necessarily worried about "working the steps". It was stressed over and over how the HP could be anything I wanted it to be. The only thing was when I said, "OK, as I understand all "higher powers", they are non-existent and I will not put stock in them. In the end I'm responsible for myself." I was told, in so many words, this was not acceptable. So much for that one and only requirement. So, I stopped going.

If AA works for you, great. If not, use other avenues.

Good night all and good luck.

BMUS