Serenidad

Hi All- I REALLY need some advice.

10 days ago my sponsor fired me out of the blue for no reason and I still have do idea why. I was hurt, confused and felt very abandoned.

Now I have a new sponsor and I am so afraid that she is going to do the same thing! I have actually thought about just NOT having a sponsor at all because I am so afraid! I have even thought about not going to AA anymore! Since my sponsor fired me, I have only been to 2 meetings and I used to go to a meeting everyday! Am I headed for a relapse???

I am afraid of the way I am thinking, because yesterday I actually thought about drinking! I didn't drink, but it scared me! Will my new sponsor fire me too???? :wtf2

Rowan

Hi Jen,

I'm sorry for your situation. It's difficult not to take it personally. I had a sponsor fire me in early sobriety, too, and she wasn't able to tell me why. It wasn't until my 1 year celebration that she acknowledged that she was going through a difficult time of her own and wasn't able to take on someone new. Remember, it might NOT be about you.

You need a sponsor, so I'm glad that you got a new one. Worry won't prevent the same thing from happening again, so try your best to stay in the present, and to keep the focus on your recovery.

And - why not share your fears with your new sponsor? Talk it through and hopefully she will be able to alleviate your fear in this area.

Ro

least

It is not a good thing for you to be "borrowing trouble". We can't see down the road and worrying about things that 'may' happen can only hurt us. Please take this one day at a time and try not to worry so much about what 'could' happen.

dancinggirl

If your sponsor fired you, then that's on HER, not on you!!! We can't know what's going on in other people's lives...odds are she was having troubles in her own life and couldn't responsibly help you with yours at the same time. We all know how hard it is to reach out for help...what if she didn't want to burden you with her troubles, as that wasn't the role she was supposed to be having with you? Don't take that onto yourself as some kind of personal failling....odds are it had nothing at all to do with you.

Now...as for your new sponsor....don't place what happened from one person onto the next person...that's not really fair, right? Give this sponsor the opportunity to understand what happened to you by being left from your old sponsor...give this new one the chance to HELP you..with all the facts!

Serenidad

Thanks to those of you who helped me so far. Although I am full of fear right now, your comments really helped!!!

Anna

Jen,

A really big part of recovery is accepting what Rowan said. It's not necessarily about you. I know that I took everything personally, whatever happened in my life, I was sure it was about me, one way or another. It was actually a relief to figure out that a lot of things just happen and they have nothing to do with us.

Keep focusing on your recovery.

Jersey Nonny

I think we too often put sponsors on pedestals and forget that they are only human and alcoholic humans, at that. Although I think she could have been a bit more sensitive to your newcomer vulnerabilities, and done it tactfully without dropping you like a hot potato! She may actually have been doing you a favor...you just don't know it yet.

I once sponsored someone who was so needy she kept me on the phone for hours, and most of what she talked about had nothing to do with program. To preserve my own sanity and serenity, I was forced to tell her I could no longer be the kind of sponsor she needed; and, I suggested she ask another gal in our group that I knew had good sobriety. She took my advice...she and the new sponsor worked out well for many years. She actually thanked me for being so honest with her, and pointing her in the right direction.

Having said all that, don't try to second-guess your new sponsor...give her a chance...and, yourself, as well. PLEASE don't use this as an excuse to drink...there is no good reason for blowing nearly five months of sobriety!

Serenidad

Thanks Jersey. I won't drink. I will NOT blow nearly 5 months of sobriety. I have worked much too hard to do that! Thanks everyone!