I hate being sober right now
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Jules sweetness 
as Gyps said Sorry that I missed this....however look at all the people who love and support you!
I'm so very proud of you for throwing that bottle away! I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through or any A's in this forum-However I do know what pain is and feeling lonely, helpless, crying all the time-and I'm sorry that you are going through this. I lived through my pain a different way than picking up-I cannot say that I was lucky that way because it still was and is a long hard painful battle for me. "Progress not perfection"
Know that the strength within you has just shined so bright-and as others have stated from their ESH it will pass-I will be sending you daily
and more strength to help you along-
Moving forward Jules and doing great although it may not seem it....when we change is an uncomfortable feeling at first but keep going sweets it will be worth it in the end. Keep posting here..we are your family and Love you very much!
I hope for a brighter & better day for you today!
as Gyps said Pezky time zone difference!
I'm so very proud of you for throwing that bottle away! I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through or any A's in this forum-However I do know what pain is and feeling lonely, helpless, crying all the time-and I'm sorry that you are going through this. I lived through my pain a different way than picking up-I cannot say that I was lucky that way because it still was and is a long hard painful battle for me. "Progress not perfection"
Know that the strength within you has just shined so bright-and as others have stated from their ESH it will pass-I will be sending you daily
and more strength to help you along-Moving forward Jules and doing great although it may not seem it....when we change is an uncomfortable feeling at first but keep going sweets it will be worth it in the end. Keep posting here..we are your family and Love you very much!
I hope for a brighter & better day for you today!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Hi Jules - I just wanted to add :ghug3 and say you are hope for me at SR. I am so glad you threw away that bottle because as Dee has said on my thread, "It wouldn't solve our problems." I totally get why you think of it when things become over the top though. Hang in there and know you have a boatful of friends. By the way, I was a bit nosey and looked at your pictures - you are beautiful and that dog of yours is awesome! I sure hope you have a better day today. I will be thinking of you. Please post and let us know how you are and if there's anything we can do. I know we live on opposite ends of the earth, but thank God for the internet and this forum. I am glad you have Dee and Boston and Gypsy and Rella and everyone else that is so very close to you, but we all think you rock Jules and SR wouldn't be the same without the "Good morning idiots" term I find here. :ghug3 Just cause.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by Horselover 
Hi Jules - I just wanted to add and say you are hope for me at SR. I am so glad you threw away that bottle because as Dee has said on my thread, "It wouldn't solve our problems." I totally get why you think of it when things become over the top though. Hang in there and know you have a boatful of friends. By the way, I was a bit nosey and looked at your pictures - you are beautiful and that dog of yours is awesome! I sure hope you have a better day today. I will be thinking of you. Please post and let us know how you are and if there's anything we can do. I know we live on opposite ends of the earth, but thank God for the internet and this forum. I am glad you have Dee and Boston and Gypsy and Rella and everyone else that is so very close to you, but we all think you rock Jules and SR wouldn't be the same without the "Good morning idiots" term I find here. :ghug3 Just cause.
at "Good Morning Idiots" yeah Jules is one and we love her!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Jules))))
awww, sweetie, I'm sorry you're having a rough time, but hope you feel better today.
I'm really proud of you for throwing the bottle of wine together....do you realize how much strength that took?
I remember going through a period where it felt like life just sucked. Couldn't stop crying, beating myself up for all that I'd screwed up, and just didn't care. I didn't want to use, but I darn sure didn't want to live like that any more. My dad tried to point out all the positive changes I'd made, didn't work. I just kept crying. He finally asked me to call my aunt, who is a no-nonsense kind of lady who adores me and is very supportive.
I called her, came to SR and basically just talked it out. The bad feelings passed.
Sometimes we've just got to cry and get it out of our system. Getting used to feeling again, is hard. But I promise you, the bad feelings will soon be outweighed by the good ones.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
awww, sweetie, I'm sorry you're having a rough time, but hope you feel better today.
I'm really proud of you for throwing the bottle of wine together....do you realize how much strength that took?
I remember going through a period where it felt like life just sucked. Couldn't stop crying, beating myself up for all that I'd screwed up, and just didn't care. I didn't want to use, but I darn sure didn't want to live like that any more. My dad tried to point out all the positive changes I'd made, didn't work. I just kept crying. He finally asked me to call my aunt, who is a no-nonsense kind of lady who adores me and is very supportive.
I called her, came to SR and basically just talked it out. The bad feelings passed.
Sometimes we've just got to cry and get it out of our system. Getting used to feeling again, is hard. But I promise you, the bad feelings will soon be outweighed by the good ones.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
Hi sweetie....just wanted to add that I've broken down in my own damn store, repeatedly. 
I just started bringing "touch up" make-up to work with me, as I expected that at some point I'd start bawling. And I am honestly not a crier!!! But that was what my body needed, for some reason. Let it out! We're all hoping you're feeling better today. BTW, good job on the wine, of course. 
I just started bringing "touch up" make-up to work with me, as I expected that at some point I'd start bawling. And I am honestly not a crier!!! But that was what my body needed, for some reason. Let it out! We're all hoping you're feeling better today. BTW, good job on the wine, of course. 
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Jules - I'm sorry I didn't see this thread yesterday, I was on here alot of the day.
How are you today? I am so proud of you for thowing that bottle into the trash bin - that takes enormous strength to do that.
In the past in early recovery of my longest sobertime in which lasted 7 years, I had taken a college exam and aced it. I was so happy and kind of had that manic feeling going on. So I stopped at the liquor store and bought a 6 pack of corona with lime. I brought it home a stared at it for awhile, but eventually after calling a friend. I dumped it all down the sink.
Our emotions in my opinion are our biggest triggers, and it is such an awesome thing that you dumped that wine - even though you were feeling so depressed.
BRAVO
How are you today? I am so proud of you for thowing that bottle into the trash bin - that takes enormous strength to do that.
In the past in early recovery of my longest sobertime in which lasted 7 years, I had taken a college exam and aced it. I was so happy and kind of had that manic feeling going on. So I stopped at the liquor store and bought a 6 pack of corona with lime. I brought it home a stared at it for awhile, but eventually after calling a friend. I dumped it all down the sink.
Our emotions in my opinion are our biggest triggers, and it is such an awesome thing that you dumped that wine - even though you were feeling so depressed.
BRAVO
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Ya threw the wine out? H*ll Jules, if that'd been me I would've drank it by that point. I really admire your courage for doing the right think and chucking the poison in the trash! Now that's strength!
Jules, a person has to be really strong to be honest and post about what you did. Thank God you can admit that you're human. I have my weaknesses too, and sometimes I think I "fake it 'til I make it" too often when I should have the guts to admit that I'm in pain and I need help. Recovery isn't always easy, most of the time it's incredibly hard work, and sometimes the rewards don't come fast enough to make it seem worthwhile.
But I wouldn't have stayed sober for this long if it wasn't worth it. I can promise you it will get better if you continue to throw everything you've got into your recovery. Heck I'll guarantee it! But if you pick up again all bets are off.
I had the day from h*ll yesterday. A couple of times my thoughts returned to drinking to make it all go away. My psycho puppy tore up my house pretty good, I'm trying to keep it looking nice cuz it's up for sale. Then my bank effed up my checking account with an electronic transaction, the check to pay for the diamond in my GF's wedding ring bounced.
I pretty much figured at that point my Higher Power was done with my lesson for the day, but I guess He wasn't.
When my kids and I got home I forgot my son's bike was in the roof rack on my car. My garage wasn't so forgiving. The bike and rack survived, my fairly new car is pretty dinged up. The $10 touch-up paint I picked up at Toyota this morning ain't gonna do much to cover up the dents and scratches. Ouch.
I thought that crap only happened when I drank?
I guess that was my reminder to slow down, smell the roses, and not take life so seriously. How about taking a few more steps down the path of recovery with me and everyone else here on SR?
Jules, a person has to be really strong to be honest and post about what you did. Thank God you can admit that you're human. I have my weaknesses too, and sometimes I think I "fake it 'til I make it" too often when I should have the guts to admit that I'm in pain and I need help. Recovery isn't always easy, most of the time it's incredibly hard work, and sometimes the rewards don't come fast enough to make it seem worthwhile.
But I wouldn't have stayed sober for this long if it wasn't worth it. I can promise you it will get better if you continue to throw everything you've got into your recovery. Heck I'll guarantee it! But if you pick up again all bets are off.
I had the day from h*ll yesterday. A couple of times my thoughts returned to drinking to make it all go away. My psycho puppy tore up my house pretty good, I'm trying to keep it looking nice cuz it's up for sale. Then my bank effed up my checking account with an electronic transaction, the check to pay for the diamond in my GF's wedding ring bounced.
I pretty much figured at that point my Higher Power was done with my lesson for the day, but I guess He wasn't.
When my kids and I got home I forgot my son's bike was in the roof rack on my car. My garage wasn't so forgiving. The bike and rack survived, my fairly new car is pretty dinged up. The $10 touch-up paint I picked up at Toyota this morning ain't gonna do much to cover up the dents and scratches. Ouch.
I thought that crap only happened when I drank?
I guess that was my reminder to slow down, smell the roses, and not take life so seriously. How about taking a few more steps down the path of recovery with me and everyone else here on SR?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Jules :ghug
real strength is showing your vunerablility. I hope that you don't have to come that close to a drink again. I sat in a parkinglot but never went as far as buying the bottle.
Please stay in contact with people you are comfortable sharing what you are feeling with. A freindly listening ear can get us through alot of pain.
Care bunches about you Jules
(((((jules))))))
real strength is showing your vunerablility. I hope that you don't have to come that close to a drink again. I sat in a parkinglot but never went as far as buying the bottle.
Please stay in contact with people you are comfortable sharing what you are feeling with. A freindly listening ear can get us through alot of pain.
Care bunches about you Jules
(((((jules))))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 983
HUGS
I've had similar feelings lately when you wake up and realize just how hard life really is when you're not hiding from it.
With so many things that are out of our control, take comfort in the fact that you threw away the bottle and took control of the situation.
That's a pretty amazing thing that you did.
I've had similar feelings lately when you wake up and realize just how hard life really is when you're not hiding from it.
With so many things that are out of our control, take comfort in the fact that you threw away the bottle and took control of the situation.
That's a pretty amazing thing that you did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
So, I woke up this morning feeling a bit better and have just finished reading all your beautiful, supportive posts to me here and dammit I'm crying again!LOL But these are good tears-not like yesterday.
Thank you all-so very much.Every single post is special to me and I can't quite believe how much love you all send my way.I'm so incredibly grateful.You made me laugh too(Chiy-I just LOVED the smiley pic, and k I need to see your hall pass please... ) and I'm just aware that I am so not alone in this.(Astro-good grief-your day sounded horrendous!)
I am not usually very good at being so openly vunerable as I was in this post, but I am so glad I was now.Being strong all the time is a ridiculous expectation to put on myself and I'm seeing it more clearly now that in admitting my vunerablity I'm actually strong, in a real way.Wow.
Today looks like a better day for me.I'm still a bit sad but I also feel relieved of a burden somehow too. I guess the crying was good for me in the end.I do think it could be PAWS too-thanks for the link Gyps!
I can't thank you all enough for being here for me.You really are family and I'm so blessed to be part of it with you all.
My love to each and every one of you,
Julesxox
Thank you all-so very much.Every single post is special to me and I can't quite believe how much love you all send my way.I'm so incredibly grateful.You made me laugh too(Chiy-I just LOVED the smiley pic, and k I need to see your hall pass please...
) and I'm just aware that I am so not alone in this.(Astro-good grief-your day sounded horrendous!)I am not usually very good at being so openly vunerable as I was in this post, but I am so glad I was now.Being strong all the time is a ridiculous expectation to put on myself and I'm seeing it more clearly now that in admitting my vunerablity I'm actually strong, in a real way.Wow.
Today looks like a better day for me.I'm still a bit sad but I also feel relieved of a burden somehow too. I guess the crying was good for me in the end.I do think it could be PAWS too-thanks for the link Gyps!
I can't thank you all enough for being here for me.You really are family and I'm so blessed to be part of it with you all.
My love to each and every one of you,
Julesxox
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Originally Posted by Jules62
I am not usually very good at being so openly vunerable as I was in this post, but I am so glad I was now.Being strong all the time is a ridiculous expectation to put on myself and I'm seeing it more clearly now that in admitting my vunerablity I'm actually strong, in a real way.Wow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Originally Posted by Astro
Recovery isn't always easy, most of the time it's incredibly hard work, and sometimes the rewards don't come fast enough to make it seem worthwhile.
But I wouldn't have stayed sober for this long if it wasn't worth it. I can promise you it will get better if you continue to throw everything you've got into your recovery. Heck I'll guarantee it! But if you pick up again all bets are off.
But I wouldn't have stayed sober for this long if it wasn't worth it. I can promise you it will get better if you continue to throw everything you've got into your recovery. Heck I'll guarantee it! But if you pick up again all bets are off.
That is good stuff Scott.
Glad you are feeling a bit better today Jules, I think realising you can't be strong all the time but you can get through the vulnerable days is pretty awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
So glad to hear you're feeling better! You are a strong woman! I doubt I could have tossed a freshly bought bottle of wine into the bin no matter how cheap it was! But you did and came here instead. That took real commitment.
Much love to you!
Lenina
Much love to you!
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Erlanger, Kentucky
Posts: 15
Jules
Hey...we've all been there.....I am having my year anniversary and reading your post helps me....stay sober....I was there...we all were...even now..
I have to tell you the cravings for me are a lot less...but I have to keep myself soooooo busy over the weekends because all my friends and co-workers are out drinking/ partying etc....I just try to fill every minute with something....
And I will say in the beginning especially I cried alot -still do....and slept alot....anything but drink...You should be sooooo proud of yourself for overcoming it and throwing it out!!!!!!! It's really just one day at a time...I know how corny it is but it's true...trust me....
Stay busy....cry and get it out.....
I cried alot the last few days...I feel a lot of stress about the "year" that...I did it...I prooved it ...I can drink now right? Ha...I know I can't and I won't I've also cried tonight earlier because I was soooooo GRATEFUL I couldn't believe I'd made it.... I was ready to die before giving up drinking...and I don't know about you but I was really really depressed on alcohol...and I've had plenty of rough times this year
My worst sober day is better than my best drunk day any time!!!!
Let it out.....find something to get your mind off it...if you can....I swear I'd sleep....even if I wasn't tired...I'd take an OTC cheap sleep aid..just to sleep...pass the time...
C ongrats and keep up the good work...your story is an inspiration and reminder to me.....so thank you....of where i was...and that I can't go back...ever...
Hey...we've all been there.....I am having my year anniversary and reading your post helps me....stay sober....I was there...we all were...even now..
I have to tell you the cravings for me are a lot less...but I have to keep myself soooooo busy over the weekends because all my friends and co-workers are out drinking/ partying etc....I just try to fill every minute with something....
And I will say in the beginning especially I cried alot -still do....and slept alot....anything but drink...You should be sooooo proud of yourself for overcoming it and throwing it out!!!!!!! It's really just one day at a time...I know how corny it is but it's true...trust me....
Stay busy....cry and get it out.....
I cried alot the last few days...I feel a lot of stress about the "year" that...I did it...I prooved it ...I can drink now right? Ha...I know I can't and I won't I've also cried tonight earlier because I was soooooo GRATEFUL I couldn't believe I'd made it.... I was ready to die before giving up drinking...and I don't know about you but I was really really depressed on alcohol...and I've had plenty of rough times this year
My worst sober day is better than my best drunk day any time!!!!
Let it out.....find something to get your mind off it...if you can....I swear I'd sleep....even if I wasn't tired...I'd take an OTC cheap sleep aid..just to sleep...pass the time...
C ongrats and keep up the good work...your story is an inspiration and reminder to me.....so thank you....of where i was...and that I can't go back...ever...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Hi Jules-
I read your post and I just want to tell you that you are not alone.
You said that AA is not for you, but maybe think about giving it another try. The only thing that I know of that will help you feel better are the 12 steps. The steps in my oppinion are the only way to achieve long term sobriety.
Good Luck!
I read your post and I just want to tell you that you are not alone.
You said that AA is not for you, but maybe think about giving it another try. The only thing that I know of that will help you feel better are the 12 steps. The steps in my oppinion are the only way to achieve long term sobriety.
Good Luck!
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