Twin

I haven't told my children about deciding to become sober. I grew up with an alcoholic father (14yrs sober now) He was a mean ol' drunk, never physically violent, but the hatefullest thing ever when he drank. I can remember saying I would NEVER drink, and there's no way I'd allow my children around anyone drinking. Well, never say never!

But I do remember telling my daughters that if I ever started getting mean when I drink, to tell me and I'd stop right away. A couple of weeks ago, my girls made the coment to me that they loved it when I drank because I was lots of fun. With the rotten attitude I've had today, and as snappy with them I have been, I bet they wish I would just go get a beer.

If only they knew how close I've been to getting in serious trouble by my drinking. Getting a DUI, loosing my license, killing myself, my children, or someone else. I could have even lost my children because of my drinking. I've done great for many years, hiding my addictions. But my time is running out. If I don't start now, it may be too late.

:praying

serenityqueen

WELCOME TO SR!

I'm glad you found us. The first step is admitting you have a problem and it seems like you are seeking different support systems.

Have you gone to any AA Meetings yet? I know the thought of walking into a room full of strangers and baring your soul is horrifying. Just know, you don't have to speak a word unless you want to. For this alcoholic/addict, my Recovery would not have been possible without the Programs of AA & NA.

I hope you'll continue to post here. . . we understand how you are feeling. We've been there.

God Bless,
Judy

TryingSoHard

My kids are the only thing that keeps me sober many days. My sons are 14 and 5.

I can hide a lot of stuff from the little one... because he is little. I THINK I hide a lot of stuff from the teenager, but I bet I'd be surprised at how much he has picked up on.

Regardless, they are the ONLY reason I have for attempting to stay sober lately.

Good luck to you, from another mom. I don't hold out much hope for myself right now.

Twin

Today I attended my second AA meeting. This time I was sober! And didn't run to the beer store when I left! I know I can't do this alone, learned that from my father!

I thank God I stayed sober today, and I pray that I will have the strength to stay sober tomorrow!

CarolD

How old are your children?

The reason I ask is because small kids
want to please their parents.
Teens...not so much.

Good to see you are attending AA
It's been an awesome positive adventure for me


Blessings to y'all

Aysha

Hi there..I grew up with an alcoholic grandfather. Miserable and mean. Knew just how to push buttons. Never physical but the things this man did emotionally ..mentally..and verbally was horrible.

Glad you are here...

lostgirl89

My father was a MEAN drunk....well my mom too for that matter. You would have thought that would have stopped me from following in their steps...I can only hope my girls wont follow in mine...My girls (17 16 and 14) all got to witness there mom get cuffed and thrown in the cop car and hauled off to the jail when I got my duii.....They even took pictures on their cell phones ( the thoughtful girls!!) I never thought of them before, only of myself....and drinking.... now I think of them everytime I think I want a drink...I got my 30 day coin on my youngests birthday...and I gave it to her and she carries it with her...I got an amazing birthday card from my girls telling me how proud they are of me....and my choice to get sober....I carry it with me in my Big Book everywhere I go...
stay Strong...xoxoxoxox LG

bostonluv

Careful about thinking of how much fun you were drunk. If I had a penny for each time someone told me that I wasn't fun anymore after I quit drinking and drugging.....well, I know what it was like in reality. Maybe I was a lot of fun at the bars or with friends but I bet I'd be pretty mortified at a lot of my "fun" behavior if I saw it now. Besides, I don't want to be fun anymore. I want to be myself. If that's not fun - oh well.

Jules62

When I had been sober about 6 weeks my husband said to me-'You're a much nicer person now' and I stopped in my tracks.

I had no idea I hadn't been.But I was.Your kids might have seen the 'fun' side of you drinking-but it never stays that way.

Be careful how you look back at it.I didn't do anything drunk that was something I'd consider 'good' sober.But that's hindsight.and it comes with a price.

Jules.

Twin

My girls are 10 and 11yrs. And after this morning, I'm afraid they are going to tell me to go get some beer! What a crappy mood I've been in! Last night, my youngest was in a good mood and doing her little cheerleader clapping and making up cheers. I yelled at her because the noise was getting on my nerve. Before, I'd be giggling at her telling her what a nut she is. This morning, my poor girls, I was a tirent. Nothing they did was right, and everything was an excuse to yell.

I guess I just have to remind myself that this too will pass! And not to give into my girls wanting their "fun" mom back!

Anna

Hi Twin,

I know it's hard. Maybe getting outside and getting some exercise would help you lost some of the frustrations that you are feeling now. I found that long walks helped me enormously.

You're doing great!

Eclipse

You can do it twin. :ghug3 I also think of the catastrophies that could have taken place. Its not to late to fix it.

I am really embarrassed by what my kids have seen of me. Even when it was in fun. They video taped me doing aerobics after several glasses of wine...(I don't know why I did aerobics after several glasses of wine) they thought it was so funny, but when I saw it I erased it immediately. I was mortified at what I looked like, that was really the beginning of knowing it was time to do something, even though its been a struggle.

One other time I took a bunch of their friends bowling and had to call my husband to come and pick us up because I drank too many beers at the bowling alley. Now that is just down right wrong.

I feel stronger than ever about stopping the insanity.

Lets do this TSH! You say we have alot in common. Lots of us are moms with so much responsibility that it feels good to just come home and have a drink to take the edge off. But for us it isn't just one drink, its the whole bottle. I haven't even liked the taste of wine lately...so why do it! I am gonna stick with the V-8 for awhile! Lets do this together. We are strong women, we can do it.:ghug3

HeavyJ

My kids 3.5 and 4 (Yes six months apart - Adopted). Are a big reason I quit. There were many times where I said to myself, If something were to happen right now, I could not drive them to get help. I was super fun too when drinking, then I quit and became jumpy and crabby, however, that is fading. I am now finding the fun sober person/husband/father/friend that was hiding in here the whole time..

Heavy

bostonluv

It will pass and you'll be a better Mom for it. You know that Twin. Stop focusing on what you aren't right now and focus on your children's future. And your own future. You're going to make a better life for them, even if it makes you all uncomfortable for a spell. They'll thank you later.

Twin

Thanks Eclipse for reminding me! Gotta take my vitamines! I'm drinking lots of coffee and water. I stole my friend's weedeater the other day, and whacked everything remotely close to being tall. Felt great, but before I started, I had to go get some vodka to get rid of the shakes so I could hold it straight! Stupid huh!? Oh well, yesterday, no drink, but lots and lots of rain (STUPID HURICANE!) And it's pretty wet out there today. It's driving me crazy! I know I can get outside and find something to do to get my mind off drinking. Not that my house isn't a total mess, I'm just not the domesticated, gotta clean, type. Gotta beat myself just to wash dishes! I need a good wife! LOL!

Have a wonderfully SOBER day!!

CarolD

Twin..
you are de toxing from alccohol.
Ergo ... the shakes and the foul mood.

Drinking coffee will make you more jittery
Water and Gator-ade is the way to go for a few days.

Did you read the link I gave you in an earlier post?
It's useful to understand what's happening just now.
IMO

Be gentle with yourself....and keep in focus.

Astro

A few people have already mentioned that we're not fun for long. I mentioned in another one of your posts that eventually I turned a corner, my fun started causing accidents and my children were getting hurt. Fun became abuse. I used to take my kids grocery shopping, I'd push them around in the cart and when I'd stop in the liquor aisle they'd beg me not to buy anything. I'd tell them to mind their own business and I'd load up anyway.

Guess it had ceased being fun at that point?