nayster

I see DancingGirl also had an inpiring dream last night. Must have been the night for perspective-changing dreams!

***

We lived in a house that we thought was a bit too small. There was a basement with a nice family room area, but we had to crawl through a small square hole in the kitchen wall to drop down into the basement.

We were having family over for some holiday and I was a bit worried that my overweight aunt would not fit through the hole in the wall to the basement. But she (and everyone else) said, “Oh, we’ll just take the stairs down.”

Now in my dream, I realized there were steps down but it just wasn’t a possibility to take them because they went down to the way FAR side of the basement. It just wasn’t CONVENIENT to take the stairs b/c they didn’t end up where I wanted to be in the basement. In fact, I never gave the stairs a consideration and didn’t know where the top of the stairs were until I saw a family member go down them.

So there I am in my dream, crawling through a hole in the wall (and not enjoying it either) just because I didn’t like the area of the basement where the stairs were.

Then while giving a tour of the basement, I show my family the large master bedroom with master bath that we never used because I didn’t like how it was decorated. “It’s ugly” I said to them shutting the door again. But my family pushed their way into the bedroom and pointed out it really was a nice room that could easily be redecorated.

I had never considered that. It was so black and white – it’s ugly so we shut the door and forget about it. So there I am in my dream thinking that it’s inconceivable to use the master bedroom because I don’t like how it looks.

***

I lay in bed thinking about this crazy dream. A hole in a wall? An unused bedroom? Where did THAT come from? And slowly it starts to dawn on me….

I’m still climbing through the small hole in the wall (drinking) even though it’s painful and not really enjoyable. It’s what I’ve always done and I haven’t really considered taking the stairs (stop drinking) as an option. I make excuses.

Sure, taking the stairs would be different and uncomfortable at first. I’ll end up in a different part of the basement and might be confused for a bit. But the stairs are worth a try and it sure seems so much better than continuing to climb through the stupid hole in the wall!

And I’m not using the large master bedroom in my life – I’m ignoring / closing off things that could bring me great joy. I can apply this to a few things in my life, primarily exercise and my spiritual life. Both have been a source of joy and happiness in the past, but right now they are neglected and ignored.

I don’t like the look of exercise right now – it’s going to be hard to get back into the habit. I don’t like the thought of reviving and growing my spiritual life. I’m going to have to face God with some ugly things in my life.

***

Yesterday I was feeling hopeless. I’m not saying this dream is the magic light bulb that leads me to a sobriety that never falters, but I do have hope today.

I’m going to stop crawling through that damn hole just because it’s all I know right now. There is a better way if I’d just open up my eyes and look for it. Or let other people show me where the top of the stairs are. There are people here who use the stairs and I’ll follow them.

Day 1 of the rest of my life.

HideorSeek

Wow, Nayster, that is a great interpretation. I have had some strange dreams myself, that seem bizarre on the surface, but upon reflection, offer real insight into my life situation. Eerie, isn't it? For me, it's comforting, because I feel like "someone" (who knows WAY more than I do), is trying to tell me something. All I have to do, is pay attention. Hummm :chatter