A new member arrives.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Providence RI
Posts: 53
Right on August2! Congratulations on making a new start--I myself am just six days along. Starting out is tough. I really like what you said about alcohol teaching you all that it could have taught, that is exactly it. You already know what there is to know about drinking. It cannot bring or promise you anything other than the pain and hardship it has already given you. Good nutrition will most definitely help. I am taking a multivitamin and nutritional yeast flakes which contain lots of B vitamins as well as amino acids. In addition I have been drinking dandelion root tea (doesn't taste NEARLY as good as coffee!) which helps with cleansing the liver.
Day six hasn't been easy though, being that it's Saturday and as a 25 yr binge drinker well the weekends were my time to party...
but you know, 25 years of it, I would have to say that that is sufficient =) and I sure do like feeling healthy and alive~!
Again congratulations you have made the right decision.
Day six hasn't been easy though, being that it's Saturday and as a 25 yr binge drinker well the weekends were my time to party...
but you know, 25 years of it, I would have to say that that is sufficient =) and I sure do like feeling healthy and alive~!
Again congratulations you have made the right decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
All things are lessons to me. And everything I have experienced including the alcohol abuse has given me things that created who I am now.
But you are right, alcohol was no longer a good lesson for me. Staying in the bonds of it's depressing effects is no longer acceptible or needed.
Oh and I forgot about milk thistle for the liver. Thanks for the reminder.
Dandelion tea sounds soothing. I am cutting out the my coffee consumption with this new lifestyle too. The cafiene is just too hard on me. No sodas too.
eek!
But if I'm going to get normal it may as well be totally so.
But you are right, alcohol was no longer a good lesson for me. Staying in the bonds of it's depressing effects is no longer acceptible or needed.
Oh and I forgot about milk thistle for the liver. Thanks for the reminder.
Dandelion tea sounds soothing. I am cutting out the my coffee consumption with this new lifestyle too. The cafiene is just too hard on me. No sodas too.
eek!
But if I'm going to get normal it may as well be totally so.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Your post was beautifully written and I thank you for that.
SR is a wonderful tool in Recovery and is also filled with many Angels from every walk of life imaginable with the same goal . . . to live life free from the bondage of addiction.
Personally, I like your username. My Sobriety date is such an important part of my life . . . I found life on that date. I chose my username because I had so many false starts that a Nurse at the detox unit I went to numerous times nicknamed me, much to my embarressment and shame, The Queen of Relapse. I discovered SR when I had a little over two years in my new life and Recovery has changed my life so much that I am no longer the person I was before. I have learned to live life on life's terms without drinking or getting high. No matter what comes my way, I have been able to handle it with the help of the tools I have been so graciously given in my Recovery.
Your plan sounds great! I hope you are aware of the signs of withdrawal and will go to the hospital at the first signs of it getting bad.
I hope to see you here often and look forward to getting to know you better.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
Well good people, it's time for me to rest.
It's been a good first day. I think now that I have gotten used to the place a little better I will start my recovery blog to journal the experience.
I am still missing my old forum but I messed that up so badly I can't return. I havn't lost many things due to my drunken behavior. But the few things I have are still painful today.
Anyway, just wanted to once again say thank you.
Sometimes it is hard to let go and start in a new place with new people but it is often that act that changes everything for the better.
It's been a good first day. I think now that I have gotten used to the place a little better I will start my recovery blog to journal the experience.
I am still missing my old forum but I messed that up so badly I can't return. I havn't lost many things due to my drunken behavior. But the few things I have are still painful today.
Anyway, just wanted to once again say thank you.
Sometimes it is hard to let go and start in a new place with new people but it is often that act that changes everything for the better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
August 3.
How I got here.
What a relief to wake up without the guilt, the worry and the disappointment in myself.
I woke up very early but lay in bed thinking things over. I bit of quiet pondering about this whole drinking mess. It occurs to me how quickly time passes. My first attempt to stop drinking lasted about two months. Before that I drank everyday with an occasional black out or unsavory performance but it was a gradual decline into more frequent mishaps and poor judgment.
Over the past three years I have been trying to get back to that original two month sobering up experience. It’s been miserable for the most part. What was lacking was a true commitment to really change, evolve, and learn ways to keep it.
In true alcoholic fashion I tried again January 1 and I think made a half hearted week or so of sad abstinence. My mind set was all wrong. I mourned the fact that I had gone too far and now needed to stop whether I wanted to or not.
I explained to my wife that it was making me miserable and she of course wanted me to be happy. I knew she would. I used her love to get my fix like a good addict does.
And that started this latest incarnation of perfecting the perfect full blown buzz without detection.
Of course to achieve such dizzying heights I had to secretly be increasing my dosage. All too quickly I adopted the half pint of hidden spirits as my daily kick start. This enabled an outward show of having beers, cocktails or wine to mask the true level of inebriation. In my twisted thinking it gave me more of an excuse to drink heavily in full view. So if I killed off an entire large bottle of wine after several beers of course I would seem tipsy to others and they would never suspect I had downed a half pint of straight spirits during the day. But soon the half became a whole pint. It was easier and faster. I began to keep some visible and some hidden. And that was pretty much the story over these past seven months.
The stomach nausea and pain was uncomfortable but I learned to ignore that. The feeling sick, tired and grumpy became just part of the way it was.
And still no one really noticed any changes. But I did.
I knew it was escalating to a point I would soon see drastic changes in life. More than that I was watching my integrity slip away only to be replaced with a repulsive manipulative liar without care.
On August 1 finished the days work and small chores and phoned my wife I was going for a half pint of whiskey. She asked that I get her a half of vodka and I did.
While she was still out I finished the whiskey and a few beers. I then phoned her to tell her I forgot her vodka. No problem, she said I’ll stop on my way home.
The elation to now have another half pint straight up was truly pathetic. I knew what I was doing and didn’t care. I finished the last gulp just before she walked in. All seemed fine. I think I downed that half in about twenty minutes so the full effect was not yet apparent.
So, now for a nice glass of wine and start supper. That’s all I remember.
I woke up in a panicky in the middle of the night. With anxiety so bad my heart was quivering in my chest. I knew I had blacked out but been functioning for at least an hour but only could make out ugly glimpses of things. Terrible ugly things.
All night was filled with this dread and pleading within me that I had not gone too far.
Head hung low I approached my wife at breakfast. Her stare said all I needed to know. I apologized and she accepted. Apparently she was only slightly disappointed because I did not watch a film she had rented with her. “You got a little too buzzed there last night” was all she had to say.
I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Day. I had been visited by my demons and seen a nightmarish event unfold as a warning.
And that was my last day drinking.
I now start the recovery process to reclaim my integrity, my freedom, and my life as it was meant to be.
How I got here.
What a relief to wake up without the guilt, the worry and the disappointment in myself.
I woke up very early but lay in bed thinking things over. I bit of quiet pondering about this whole drinking mess. It occurs to me how quickly time passes. My first attempt to stop drinking lasted about two months. Before that I drank everyday with an occasional black out or unsavory performance but it was a gradual decline into more frequent mishaps and poor judgment.
Over the past three years I have been trying to get back to that original two month sobering up experience. It’s been miserable for the most part. What was lacking was a true commitment to really change, evolve, and learn ways to keep it.
In true alcoholic fashion I tried again January 1 and I think made a half hearted week or so of sad abstinence. My mind set was all wrong. I mourned the fact that I had gone too far and now needed to stop whether I wanted to or not.
I explained to my wife that it was making me miserable and she of course wanted me to be happy. I knew she would. I used her love to get my fix like a good addict does.
And that started this latest incarnation of perfecting the perfect full blown buzz without detection.
Of course to achieve such dizzying heights I had to secretly be increasing my dosage. All too quickly I adopted the half pint of hidden spirits as my daily kick start. This enabled an outward show of having beers, cocktails or wine to mask the true level of inebriation. In my twisted thinking it gave me more of an excuse to drink heavily in full view. So if I killed off an entire large bottle of wine after several beers of course I would seem tipsy to others and they would never suspect I had downed a half pint of straight spirits during the day. But soon the half became a whole pint. It was easier and faster. I began to keep some visible and some hidden. And that was pretty much the story over these past seven months.
The stomach nausea and pain was uncomfortable but I learned to ignore that. The feeling sick, tired and grumpy became just part of the way it was.
And still no one really noticed any changes. But I did.
I knew it was escalating to a point I would soon see drastic changes in life. More than that I was watching my integrity slip away only to be replaced with a repulsive manipulative liar without care.
On August 1 finished the days work and small chores and phoned my wife I was going for a half pint of whiskey. She asked that I get her a half of vodka and I did.
While she was still out I finished the whiskey and a few beers. I then phoned her to tell her I forgot her vodka. No problem, she said I’ll stop on my way home.
The elation to now have another half pint straight up was truly pathetic. I knew what I was doing and didn’t care. I finished the last gulp just before she walked in. All seemed fine. I think I downed that half in about twenty minutes so the full effect was not yet apparent.
So, now for a nice glass of wine and start supper. That’s all I remember.
I woke up in a panicky in the middle of the night. With anxiety so bad my heart was quivering in my chest. I knew I had blacked out but been functioning for at least an hour but only could make out ugly glimpses of things. Terrible ugly things.
All night was filled with this dread and pleading within me that I had not gone too far.
Head hung low I approached my wife at breakfast. Her stare said all I needed to know. I apologized and she accepted. Apparently she was only slightly disappointed because I did not watch a film she had rented with her. “You got a little too buzzed there last night” was all she had to say.
I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Day. I had been visited by my demons and seen a nightmarish event unfold as a warning.
And that was my last day drinking.
I now start the recovery process to reclaim my integrity, my freedom, and my life as it was meant to be.
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