Notices

Will this be the right time

Old 08-01-2008, 11:54 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 8
Will this be the right time

Hi everyone -
Just found this site today. I have been married almost 40 yrs. to an alcoholic who has been sober several of those years. He was just in rehab last year and I thought his drinking days were behind him. However, he has been sneaking alcohol again and I finally figured this out about 3 wks. ago (you'd think I would have learned). Anyway, last night he told he that he wanted me to know he was drinking again and wanted to stop so he wouldn't lose me. Because of a pending parole clause, we can't seek outside help so we're trying this at home. Last night wasn't too bad since he hadn't drank that much lately and today is a little rough for him. I want my marriage to continue but have been thru so many promises over the years that it's really tough. We've been retired for almost 10 yrs. now and my health isn't great so I'm not sure I could work any longer if I had to make it on my own.

I'm just asking for support from those of you who have been there and hope that I'm not being totally naiive that we can work thru this. I'll keep you guys updated on our progress. Thanks for your help and sharing.
Hardereveryday is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 12:13 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
HeavyJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
Hi Hardereveryday and welcome!

I am in a similar situation only a few years younger and I'm the alcoholic. I hid it from my wife as long as I could. i will tell you this, I felt great when I told her about it and made a commitment to quit. This site has been wonderful for me. I hope you stick around and keep us informed on how things are going

Heavy
HeavyJ is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 12:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 62,140
Hi and Welcome,

I hope things work out for you and your husband.
Anna is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 12:35 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 52,119
My heart goes out to you, Harder. As HeavyJ said, I'm the alcoholic in my marriage, but was married for 12 yrs. to an alcoholic who is now dead. He simply would not see the light and refused to acknowledge the disease. He went to his grave still trying to "moderate". At least you have something going for you - an openness about it. As for my drinking, I had to quit because I no longer had the resilience to keep coming back from binges - I was making myself sick and insane. No amount was enough to achieve the desired effect. I was so miserable I decided no matter what sobriety would be like, it would have to be better than what I was putting myself through with my often 24/7 drinking. I hope your husband has come to realize that too. I'm so glad you came here to be with us. I know you've probably seeing the "Friends and Family" forum - that would be a huge help too. Love, Joanie
Hevyn is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 12:43 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 39
Stick by him. If everyone would have given up on me I would not be sober today. Iam a recovering cocain and everything else addict. A little over 2 years clean by the grace of God. Supoporthim, take him to some mettings and encourage him. As long as he is willing it can happen. My prayers are with both of you.
shorty28562 is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 12:51 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
kj3880's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Hey,
From the other side of the justice system, are you really sure his Probation or Parole Agent wouldn't understand? In my experience, you could say that you are struggling with alcohol or even drugs and they would help you get treatment. As long as you tell them before they discover it, they are usually more than happy to help.
KJ
kj3880 is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 01:50 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 212,797
Hi Hardereveryday - you might want to check out our Family and Friends Forum too for similar stories....

and I don't think it's naiive
Welcome
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 02:17 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"Because of a pending parole clause, we can't seek outside help so we're trying this at home."

(Reminds me of warnings in commercials: "Don't try this at home...!")

Do everything you can to support him, but - those pending parole clauses are often there to protect the lives of him and others.

At some point you have to ask yourself if trying this at home is working?

When/if you feel the situation is out of control (like he drinks but convinces you he doesn't want to...) it might be time for you to save a life.
tommyk is offline  
Old 08-01-2008, 03:50 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 8
Will this be the right time

Thanks everyone for your advice. Today's recovery is still going pretty good.
Hardereveryday is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:42 AM.