Will this be the right time

Old 08-01-2008, 11:54 AM
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Will this be the right time

Hi everyone -
Just found this site today. I have been married almost 40 yrs. to an alcoholic who has been sober several of those years. He was just in rehab last year and I thought his drinking days were behind him. However, he has been sneaking alcohol again and I finally figured this out about 3 wks. ago (you'd think I would have learned). Anyway, last night he told he that he wanted me to know he was drinking again and wanted to stop so he wouldn't lose me. Because of a pending parole clause, we can't seek outside help so we're trying this at home. Last night wasn't too bad since he hadn't drank that much lately and today is a little rough for him. I want my marriage to continue but have been thru so many promises over the years that it's really tough. We've been retired for almost 10 yrs. now and my health isn't great so I'm not sure I could work any longer if I had to make it on my own.

I'm just asking for support from those of you who have been there and hope that I'm not being totally naiive that we can work thru this. I'll keep you guys updated on our progress. Thanks for your help and sharing.
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Old 08-01-2008, 12:13 PM
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Hi Hardereveryday and welcome!

I am in a similar situation only a few years younger and I'm the alcoholic. I hid it from my wife as long as I could. i will tell you this, I felt great when I told her about it and made a commitment to quit. This site has been wonderful for me. I hope you stick around and keep us informed on how things are going

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Old 08-01-2008, 12:26 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I hope things work out for you and your husband.
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Old 08-01-2008, 12:35 PM
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My heart goes out to you, Harder. As HeavyJ said, I'm the alcoholic in my marriage, but was married for 12 yrs. to an alcoholic who is now dead. He simply would not see the light and refused to acknowledge the disease. He went to his grave still trying to "moderate". At least you have something going for you - an openness about it. As for my drinking, I had to quit because I no longer had the resilience to keep coming back from binges - I was making myself sick and insane. No amount was enough to achieve the desired effect. I was so miserable I decided no matter what sobriety would be like, it would have to be better than what I was putting myself through with my often 24/7 drinking. I hope your husband has come to realize that too. I'm so glad you came here to be with us. I know you've probably seeing the "Friends and Family" forum - that would be a huge help too. Love, Joanie
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Old 08-01-2008, 12:43 PM
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Stick by him. If everyone would have given up on me I would not be sober today. Iam a recovering cocain and everything else addict. A little over 2 years clean by the grace of God. Supoporthim, take him to some mettings and encourage him. As long as he is willing it can happen. My prayers are with both of you.
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Old 08-01-2008, 12:51 PM
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From the other side of the justice system, are you really sure his Probation or Parole Agent wouldn't understand? In my experience, you could say that you are struggling with alcohol or even drugs and they would help you get treatment. As long as you tell them before they discover it, they are usually more than happy to help.
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Old 08-01-2008, 01:50 PM
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Hi Hardereveryday - you might want to check out our Family and Friends Forum too for similar stories....

and I don't think it's naiive
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Old 08-01-2008, 02:17 PM
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"Because of a pending parole clause, we can't seek outside help so we're trying this at home."

(Reminds me of warnings in commercials: "Don't try this at home...!")

Do everything you can to support him, but - those pending parole clauses are often there to protect the lives of him and others.

At some point you have to ask yourself if trying this at home is working?

When/if you feel the situation is out of control (like he drinks but convinces you he doesn't want to...) it might be time for you to save a life.
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Old 08-01-2008, 03:50 PM
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Will this be the right time

Thanks everyone for your advice. Today's recovery is still going pretty good.
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