dancinggirl

"I know I've got plenty of drunks left in me but I'm not sure how many recoveries I've got left in me."

Jig: I NEEDED to hear this today. Thank you.

Tazman53

Possibly a nice long COLD shower!!! LOL

Toomutch

IAintBeatYet-

I can relate to the struggle that you are having. When you meet a person and sparks fly, it is dam* hard to stay away. With the bar sceen so fresh in your mind, it just seems natural to meet a stunning gal there. But once you remove yourself from that setting you will find a stunning girl in a less dangerous type atmosphere. JMO

Nainoa

Don't take this the wrong way... But I think you're completely underestimating your problem.

Addiction isn't about the substance... It's about the attitude that lead you to the substance.

When people first go Sobre off of one substance they often develop "Cross Over Syndrome." Where they simply pick up another substance and get addicted to it.

I've heard it said before "No new relationships for the first six months."

The reason for this is because there is too great a temptation to simply Fill up the empty feeling... And one of the first places we try to "Fill Up." Is with Love...

I mean come on... Love sounds great... It's all natural... The Beatles say that it's all you need.. And anyone who would stand against love has got to be a bad person... So who would ever contend against it.

****

One of the things you find when you're "Addicted" is that instead of taking on life's problems, you "Go around them" with whatever substance driving the car.

Right now you have ONE primary focus... Get clean/sobre... And get your head straight... Everything else is "Life Maintainence."

You don't need the distraction of a Love interest... And you don't need the temptation of being around alcohol... What you need is to spend some time "Recovering" and getting stronger.


******

So far in this thread people have given you good advice not to pursue this situation... And not to call you out harsh on it Bro... But you've reacted just like an alcoholic who had someone try to pull the bottle out of their hand.

And that sure "Feels" like cross over syndrome to me!


*****

I hope this does come off as too harsh... I just wish when I was inside of 2 years clean and chasing relationships like they were lines of meth that someone would have said this to me!

IAintBeatYet

Nainoa, I appreciate what you have written. I am not a thin skinned person so I do not bruise easily. I perfer to hear the truth, regardless how deep it cuts. Thank you.

Nainoa

I'm glad to hear it Bro...

Another something to keep in mind... Beyond whether or not she drinks...


*I met a wise man once who shared with me an idea... Unfortunately he was very poor with words... But I've taken his idea and made it mine...

Here it goes...


Imagine that you are a cup... What you do and what you feel, is what you pour into this cup... All cups "Runneth Over" And they pour out onto those around us...

When you were "Using" you were filling this cup with sticky bad, oily things... That ran over and drizzled the ichor of your addiction into the lives of those around you.

And so for whatever reasons you decided to quit...

The cup was turned over and poured out... Sure there's some residual ooze in there that's going to take time to wipe out and dispose of...

But you'll get it... You're strong enough to know you will find a way to wipe it clean.

******

Now a relationship... A "Healthy" relationship is when two people's cups spill over together... It's like Peanut Butter and Jelly... Alone they don't taste as good as they do together.

Only problem is... You haven't refilled your cup yet...

You suffer through recovery, because your cup is still empty... You haven't yet wiped the cup clean... Nor have you built the great strength needed to turn on the spiggot of joy.

These are skills that you will learn in time... I've only known you for a few minutes and I have faith in that!

So what you're bringing to this future relationship is an empty (Or at best, half filled cup.) And you're going to ask her to fill it for you?

For one... It's pretty unfair to ask her to fill up your cup... For two, I don't know how you'd ever be able to make her feel like she isn't "An Emotional Crutch for you while you're going through a vulnerable time."

For two... NO ONE should ever "Fill your Cup" for you... It's your job, and only your job to fill that cup... Because getting clean isn't just about not doing a substance anymore... Going clean is about earning the right to command your own destiny... And the only way to do that, is to understand every last drop of being in your cup and to stitch every last fibre of your character by your own hand.