fighting a loosing battle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Sydney
Posts: 22
fighting a loosing battle
hi everyone or anyone,
my name is jacki and i feel so lost at the moment.
I'm an alcoholic. I have been for nearly 10 years. I have tried medication, couselling and have started going to AA meetings.
Its just that i cant seem to stop. Every morning i say a pray to the HP which im not sure what that is yet. But i think if i ask for help every day it might come, but its not.
I know its going to be a long battle with the demons i have, i have good intentions to stop, i soooo need to and soooo want to, but its not working.
everyday i think one day at a time, dont pick up the first drink and then i find that i have finished a bottle and feel so ashamed of myself.
Why is it so hard when i so want do give it up all together.
Last night i had a drink so today it is day one again.
im trying to keep positive but feel like im fighting a loosing battle.
thanks for letting me vent.
Jacki
my name is jacki and i feel so lost at the moment.
I'm an alcoholic. I have been for nearly 10 years. I have tried medication, couselling and have started going to AA meetings.
Its just that i cant seem to stop. Every morning i say a pray to the HP which im not sure what that is yet. But i think if i ask for help every day it might come, but its not.
I know its going to be a long battle with the demons i have, i have good intentions to stop, i soooo need to and soooo want to, but its not working.
everyday i think one day at a time, dont pick up the first drink and then i find that i have finished a bottle and feel so ashamed of myself.
Why is it so hard when i so want do give it up all together.
Last night i had a drink so today it is day one again.
im trying to keep positive but feel like im fighting a loosing battle.
thanks for letting me vent.
Jacki
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
for everyone it is a little different, but have you considered treatment...I simply could not get off the booz even though i attended aa and outpatient treatment...I finally gave up and went to a 28 day treatment program in patient. It worked for me this time...so consider it.
I remember how horible it was to try over and over again and not be able to make it through the day. but after a very long time of living that way i did get sober....just keep wanting sobriety and keep searching for it.
I remember how horible it was to try over and over again and not be able to make it through the day. but after a very long time of living that way i did get sober....just keep wanting sobriety and keep searching for it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
....Welcome to our recovery communityI'm glad you came to join us....and you will
find support...information and understanding here.
I too an an alcoholic woman
who took a long time to actually quit drinking.
I sure remember how difficult it is at first.
Blessings
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Stop fighting. Give up. Surrender.
That sounds silly but thats what I did and until I did I still had the obsession to drink. After I surrendered, the obsession left me and I was able to work the steps of AA.
That sounds silly but thats what I did and until I did I still had the obsession to drink. After I surrendered, the obsession left me and I was able to work the steps of AA.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Welcome Jacki,
It took a long time for me to finally know that I had to stop in order to save myself.
One suggestion I would make is to change your routines and daily patterns. It really helped me in the very early days to do things differently. Take a different route home from work, go out for a walk after supper, go to a gym. I found that helped me be able to put together enough hours to make it through a day.
Hang in there!
It took a long time for me to finally know that I had to stop in order to save myself.
One suggestion I would make is to change your routines and daily patterns. It really helped me in the very early days to do things differently. Take a different route home from work, go out for a walk after supper, go to a gym. I found that helped me be able to put together enough hours to make it through a day.
Hang in there!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
You've started AA? Recently?
Cool, you're in for a pleasant surprise, and a whole new life.
Give AA a chance, really work it, learn the principles, do the steps.
I'll bet you find a life you can not only tolerate, but LOVE.
And you have everyone here too (added bonus).
Cool, you're in for a pleasant surprise, and a whole new life.
Give AA a chance, really work it, learn the principles, do the steps.
I'll bet you find a life you can not only tolerate, but LOVE.
And you have everyone here too (added bonus).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2
Hi jacki,
Having once quit for 7 years, starting again, then quitting for a year (still sober) all I can say is it does get easier. Maybe for some people it takes longer to get to the better days. It was that way for me when I quit smoking. I still had the urge after 5 years, but I can say now that it finally went away. All I know is that you have to want it so bad, and even then it is difficult. I hope you can make it. Whatever you have to do to get thru the day, hour, minute..it all helps.
Having once quit for 7 years, starting again, then quitting for a year (still sober) all I can say is it does get easier. Maybe for some people it takes longer to get to the better days. It was that way for me when I quit smoking. I still had the urge after 5 years, but I can say now that it finally went away. All I know is that you have to want it so bad, and even then it is difficult. I hope you can make it. Whatever you have to do to get thru the day, hour, minute..it all helps.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
"One suggestion I would make is to change your routines and daily patterns. It really helped me in the very early days to do things differently. Take a different route home from work, go out for a walk after supper, go to a gym. I found that helped me be able to put together enough hours to make it through a day."
Ditto Anna! Change of routine does wonders in the beginning of sobriety. Good luck and welcome to SR!
Also welcome to Sassicat. Sounds like you have quite a story to share with the rest. Glad you're here too!
Ditto Anna! Change of routine does wonders in the beginning of sobriety. Good luck and welcome to SR!
Also welcome to Sassicat. Sounds like you have quite a story to share with the rest. Glad you're here too!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Hi and welcome!
Don't give up. If you don't mind I would like to share with you my experience with AA and still drinking. I started going to AA in July of 04, got 4 days without a drink then slipped and started drinking every night after my meetings. I didn't drink as much and I wanted to quit but just couldn't seem to. I'd get up in the morning with the resolve that today would be the day then I would go to a meeting after work because I had found a place where people understood me and could relate to me BUT I also made a trip to the liquor store too. i was convinced that I couldn't quit.
After 28 days it was getting close to the time when I would have picked up a 1 month chip and people were getting excited for me while I was dying inside. I wasn't going to lie about it or stop going to meetings but I didn't know how to quit either. On August 8 I made the decision to pick up another desire chip and try with all my might to stay sober, find a sponsor and work the program. On August 8 of this year, God willing, I will be sober 4 years.
I don't know about you but not only did I have to have a desire to stop drinking but I had to have HOPE that maybe I could. I discovered that hope while attending meetings. Even though I was still drinking I was also listening to the people tell their stories and see what their lives are like today.
I hope your story will have a smiliar happy ending!
Take care,
Kellye
Don't give up. If you don't mind I would like to share with you my experience with AA and still drinking. I started going to AA in July of 04, got 4 days without a drink then slipped and started drinking every night after my meetings. I didn't drink as much and I wanted to quit but just couldn't seem to. I'd get up in the morning with the resolve that today would be the day then I would go to a meeting after work because I had found a place where people understood me and could relate to me BUT I also made a trip to the liquor store too. i was convinced that I couldn't quit.
After 28 days it was getting close to the time when I would have picked up a 1 month chip and people were getting excited for me while I was dying inside. I wasn't going to lie about it or stop going to meetings but I didn't know how to quit either. On August 8 I made the decision to pick up another desire chip and try with all my might to stay sober, find a sponsor and work the program. On August 8 of this year, God willing, I will be sober 4 years.
I don't know about you but not only did I have to have a desire to stop drinking but I had to have HOPE that maybe I could. I discovered that hope while attending meetings. Even though I was still drinking I was also listening to the people tell their stories and see what their lives are like today.
I hope your story will have a smiliar happy ending!
Take care,
Kellye
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
Keep coming and if you dont get AA maybe it will get you and sobriety will be yours.
I think that is the way it happened for me. Also, I really got sick of being sick.
I think that is the way it happened for me. Also, I really got sick of being sick.
Wow...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 39
I couldn't agree more with what Anna said about changing routines. That was the best thing for me. I used to love to cook, because every time I did I would drink. I had to change that and send my husband to do the shopping. If you can change your routine one hour at a time, it will be easier maybe. Now when I want to drink, I come here and read. Keep coming back!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I have been trying and failing to stay sober since last December. Now on my millionth attempt I have five days sober. Don't give up. Some of us don't "get it" on the first try. I am now so sick of my drinking I have a new stronger resolve to stop drinking and stay sober.
YOu can do this!
:ghug3
YOu can do this!
:ghug3
No AA
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 259
welcome jacki
ur gonna love this place! my main resistance right now is coming to sr and posting at least once a day. i have also started walking as exercise (counting steps with a pedometer) i'm trying to lose some of that alcohol weight i've put on. i'm trying to eat better and not waste the food i buy cos im drinking instead of eating it. i post on the morning gratitude list here every single weekday and sometimes the weekends and also on the bedtime gratitude list (it is a good way to wake up my day and it helps to be grateful-you might want to try one of those threads) when a stinkin' thinkin' thought comes up--i immediately try to think about something else -- this is my big deal breaker-- if i can do that, i'm still pluggin' along sober.
best wishes to you and welcome to a great bunch of people here on the sr board.
ur gonna love this place! my main resistance right now is coming to sr and posting at least once a day. i have also started walking as exercise (counting steps with a pedometer) i'm trying to lose some of that alcohol weight i've put on. i'm trying to eat better and not waste the food i buy cos im drinking instead of eating it. i post on the morning gratitude list here every single weekday and sometimes the weekends and also on the bedtime gratitude list (it is a good way to wake up my day and it helps to be grateful-you might want to try one of those threads) when a stinkin' thinkin' thought comes up--i immediately try to think about something else -- this is my big deal breaker-- if i can do that, i'm still pluggin' along sober.
best wishes to you and welcome to a great bunch of people here on the sr board.
Lurker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Western NC
Posts: 783
In sobriety there is only thing yu have to change, Everthing!!! We all know how hard it is in sobriety at first. Every nerve is Raw, but you have to change everything. My best advice is go to meetings. Listen for the simularities. Get a sponcer you can trust, and do everything they say. Sobriety is wonderful I promiss. Just keep in mind this is the last time you have to go through this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Jacki and welcome to SR. I, too, have been attending AA, but I just couldn't seem to get it. I have a sponsor, but we aren't that close and don't attend the same meetings, altho I call her daily. In retrospect, asking for help and admitting that I wasn't getting it was a huge hurdle for me. I still cringe at the thought, but it is a crucial thing for me. Picking up a 24 hour chip was one of the hardest things I have ever done (I posted a thread on this a few weeks ago).
Anyway, come join us on the "chronic" thread. There's a LOT of support there for those of us that need it. We'll welcome you with open arms.:ghug3
Anyway, come join us on the "chronic" thread. There's a LOT of support there for those of us that need it. We'll welcome you with open arms.:ghug3
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