mad1nola

It's been about 5 months since my last drink. I have practically been hiding from anything social. I have only been socializing at work too afraid to go out because my sobriety is so important that I don't want to risk it for anything. My problem is I have been invited to a party and I accepted but now I'm having second thoughts. I don't think I am ready and I don't know how to tell the person who invited me that i wont be attending. What should I do? I have already made up my mind that I am not going. I can see myself resisting drinking throughout the party and stopping for a "couple" on the way home. It's just too risky. I don't trust myself. The beginning was too painful and too hard and I don't want to ever go through that again and I am afraid that I start to drink and never stop because I know what it cost to be sober again. Please help. How do I get out of this without lying?

Honu

Is this person who invited you someone you could be honest with? Just tell them that you'd rather not be around alcohol right now, but thank you very much for the invitation. Maybe you two could go out for a coffee sometime?

If not, just tell them that something came up, and you'll have to re-neg, you don't have to offer any explanation. Add in with that, a heartfelt thanks for the invitation, and say, maybe next time.

As you said, your sobriety is much too important. Don't let anything get in the way of that. Do what ever you can.

Good luck, keep us posted!

Honu

tommyk

Tell them you have developed an 'illness', make your apologies.

(It is the truth, right?)

least

I agree, you shouldn't have to make excuses for not attending. If the friend who invited you is a good friend, you may be able to tell them why you can't attend. If not, just tell them you aren't well enough to go to this party. I don't know what else to suggest. Only that it's your sobriety and that you should do whatever you have to do to stay sober, but that it's up to you how you do that.

:ghug3

gravity

I know where you are coming from. I'm 5 1/2 months sober. I don't want to lie to people (did enough of this when I was still drinking). At the same time I have a hard time telling people I quit drinking (I'm just starting to do this now - told the last guy who asked "I'm done with it, everything is good, I'm too busy with work & family anyway").

I have also made committments that I had to get out of to protect my sobriety or because I knew that I would not have a good time (because people would be drinking). To deal with this (I know it's kind of sneaky but who cares?), I make other committments - I have to catch up on work, visit my mom, take my kids swimming, help a friend...and then I actually do it. By the way, people back out of parties all the time - no big deal.

As a last resort to protect your sobriety, lie. I would do it in a heartbeat if I had no other option. My sobriety is way more important than feeling bad because I told someone that "I think I'm coming down with the flu and need to rest."

Oh, and congratulations on the sober time, being able to see that potential danger, and doing something about it right now. That's really great.

22NGONE

I think if you're not comfortable you shouldn't go, as for telling your friend, if you can't tell the truth that person's probably not a friend.

CarolD

Yes.....parties .. weddings ... social and business events
sometimes are part of our lives.

Here are some tips that have worked for me
and I have left sober each time...

Go late ...leave early
Take your own car.

Ask a sober friend to go with you.
Take sober peoples phone numbers to call if you get antsy.

Turn your wine glass upside down at dinner
..denoting to the server you don't plan to drink
When toasts are made raise a glass of water

Get your own beverage from the bar. then
carry around a glass with something non alcoholic
(Club soda and Lime ..Coke with a cherry...Virgin Mary)

When asked "want a drink"?
you then say..."No thanks I have one"
When you leave your beverage ...smell before drinking.
It's easy to mix up the glasses.

Dance often and enjoy!

ThisIsTheDay

Great advice Carol!!!

It’s so funny to see how upset the wait staff is at a happy hour, when you just ask for more water… Or it’s just my Imagination maybe?

I have chosen to just be up front and tell everyone this time, I am done drinking! This is really hard to do because it’s almost like they try to get you to have one drink, come on just have one drink what’s wrong? I some point everyone get in your ear and whispers so what happened… I have to laugh, I think when someone in your circle quits drinking, it’s like they have to find something wrong with you, to justify their own drinking!