Immediate help wanted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8
Immediate help wanted
I am a mother of two children, I recently started going back to work after the birth of my little one, two years ago. I am in my mid 20's and have been married and divorce within the same year and now still living toether with my exhusband. During the divorce a couple of years ago, living on my own, I started going out with friends and drinking became more than just a lifestyle but my crutch out of reality, stress and embarressment. Now 4 years later, I am back with ex and I can't seem to quit the partying. I have missed work, kept my kids from daycare just because I am too hungover to get up and do the daily things a mother should do. I drink maybe 3-4 times a week, but when I do I drink to get drunk and for that mere purpose only. I have had a DUI 4 years ago which involved personal injury and now I find myself still drinking and driving. My ex has completely given up on me, and feels that I have a problem which I do, yet I have no idea of how to stop this. I want to get better, feel better and go back to the person I was before I started drinking. I come from a very long line of alcoholics and so I know I am a very large risk, even larger risk of failing without the proper help. My family doesn't deserve to be involved with someone like this, raising them up in a upside down world as it is already. I need help and I need it right away before I hurt myself or hurt someone else in the process. Any help and advice getting started would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Well, Trisha, you are here with us at SR - and that is a great start...but I would highly recommend a doctor appointment ASAP to prepare for detox of your body and an AA meeting to help the detox of your mind. Glad you are here - YOU CAN DO THIS! - will be praying for you! Jomey
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((trisha11))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery there are a lot of good people here we are all here for each other. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous so you probably do need to be under a doctor's care. ALso AA helps get people on the sober path. Keep posting cause that helps more than you know.
Welcome to Sober Recovery there are a lot of good people here we are all here for each other. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous so you probably do need to be under a doctor's care. ALso AA helps get people on the sober path. Keep posting cause that helps more than you know.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NYC - New York
Posts: 305
Hello Trisha,
Deciding you want to change is the 1st step - Coming here is the 2nd step - Deciding to never get behind the wheel drunk again is the 3rd step... and so on. 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time and keep reaching out for support.
There is a lot of help for you here - welcome!!
Deciding you want to change is the 1st step - Coming here is the 2nd step - Deciding to never get behind the wheel drunk again is the 3rd step... and so on. 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time and keep reaching out for support.
There is a lot of help for you here - welcome!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8
I need to hear this more than ever at this time. I feel like a fool for having to come to a place like this in my life and open up to people I do not even know. I sit here as I type feeling awful and shameful tearing up my keys, knowing I have the power to quit but at the same time feeling completely lost!
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Trisha, welcome to SR! You've come to a good place...
You are not alone... As bad as things might seem right now, they aren't as bad as they could be, and they aren't so bad that they can't get better, right? ... I hear some of the old "urgent desperation" coming through your post. I also hear the fear over what you're putting yourself through (perhaps again?) along with those around you.
Remember, you are not alone. There are plenty of people willing to help, and literally millions upon millions who have gone through exactly what you're going through right now.
I can definitely relate to the "...can't seem to quit ...", "...too hungover to get up...", "...drink to get drunk...", "...I find myself still drinking...", and "...I have no idea of how to stop this..." parts... You've simply gotten caught up in something that has been trying its best to kill you, is all...
So did I.
Have you discussed your drinking with a doctor? He/she can provide you with the best and safest options, (alcoholism is a medical condition afterall). Withdrawal can be very serious, up to and including lethal, and a medical professional is the best place to start.
I used to binge drink too. It started as a "weekend warrior" thing on Saturday nights. By the time I quit, it had progressed to the point of going out 4 (sometimes 5) times a week. Coming home from work every night, I was either so tired from being hungover that all I wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep, or else I'd be thinking about which pub to stop at on the way home, which meant that I'd be out all night again.
I knew there was a problem. I knew that "stopping off" wouldn't include having a couple and then going home. I knew that I was fooling myself and that it'd be an all night thing (again). I knew that something wasn't right the way I'd always be thinking about either my last beer(s) or my next beer(s). By the time it was over, I knew I had a problem, but the thing was, I didn't care anymore... I don't know how else to describe it, sort of a "...yeah okay, so now I'm a drunk -- whatever..." kind of thing.
When I would stop off on the way home, after a few beers, I'd hit this "screw it, enjoy the moment" point, and then nothing else would matter. I simply wouldn't want the night to end. Another beer, another beer! I'd want it to go on forever.
I've usually found it helpful to try and learn a little about what I'm facing. Here are some excerpts from a book that helped me to understand the physiology of what had been going on with me.
Excerpts
You are not alone!
You are not alone... As bad as things might seem right now, they aren't as bad as they could be, and they aren't so bad that they can't get better, right? ... I hear some of the old "urgent desperation" coming through your post. I also hear the fear over what you're putting yourself through (perhaps again?) along with those around you.
Remember, you are not alone. There are plenty of people willing to help, and literally millions upon millions who have gone through exactly what you're going through right now.
I can definitely relate to the "...can't seem to quit ...", "...too hungover to get up...", "...drink to get drunk...", "...I find myself still drinking...", and "...I have no idea of how to stop this..." parts... You've simply gotten caught up in something that has been trying its best to kill you, is all...
So did I.
Have you discussed your drinking with a doctor? He/she can provide you with the best and safest options, (alcoholism is a medical condition afterall). Withdrawal can be very serious, up to and including lethal, and a medical professional is the best place to start.
I used to binge drink too. It started as a "weekend warrior" thing on Saturday nights. By the time I quit, it had progressed to the point of going out 4 (sometimes 5) times a week. Coming home from work every night, I was either so tired from being hungover that all I wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep, or else I'd be thinking about which pub to stop at on the way home, which meant that I'd be out all night again.
I knew there was a problem. I knew that "stopping off" wouldn't include having a couple and then going home. I knew that I was fooling myself and that it'd be an all night thing (again). I knew that something wasn't right the way I'd always be thinking about either my last beer(s) or my next beer(s). By the time it was over, I knew I had a problem, but the thing was, I didn't care anymore... I don't know how else to describe it, sort of a "...yeah okay, so now I'm a drunk -- whatever..." kind of thing.
When I would stop off on the way home, after a few beers, I'd hit this "screw it, enjoy the moment" point, and then nothing else would matter. I simply wouldn't want the night to end. Another beer, another beer! I'd want it to go on forever.
I've usually found it helpful to try and learn a little about what I'm facing. Here are some excerpts from a book that helped me to understand the physiology of what had been going on with me.
Excerpts
You are not alone!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,113
Originally Posted by Jomey 
I would highly recommend a doctor appointment ASAP to prepare for detox of your body and an AA meeting to help the detox of your mind.
I'm a single father of two young children. I thank God every day for protecting them and their Mom from my behavior. It's pretty scary to think that since they were born I took their lives into my hands, I'm grateful that somehow they were kept safe.
After a lifetime of daily drinking, dysfunctional relationships, and two divorces I found help in the program of AA and the 12 Steps. Three years later it's still working for me, my children now have a father they can count on. I'm not sure what I would've done if I hadn't found recovery, so I'll just count my blessings and take another 24 hours of sobriety.
Stick around, I'm sure you'll find something that might work for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8
That is so very much what I feel like on a day to day basis. I'm either rushing home to lay around and recoupe or I'm thinking at work all day long, " I think I will stop for one or two beers and then go home before my kids get home from school. " I never have stopped for just one beer that I can remember. I have a couple and then things don't seem to be such a big deal, like getting home and cooking supper or helping my son with homework. I pawn off my reponsibilities to my ex who farms and is in no way at this time available to be picking up my slack. I am somewhat self employed and do not have the funds built up to see a doctor. I'm sure if I pooled the $$ I spent on drinks I probably could see someone.
I guess one more thing is how do I approach my ex about getting help and him taking me serious? I think he thinks I say things like this just because I feel bad for being out all night long. I can't go to my friends about this because these are the same people that I drink with.
I guess one more thing is how do I approach my ex about getting help and him taking me serious? I think he thinks I say things like this just because I feel bad for being out all night long. I can't go to my friends about this because these are the same people that I drink with.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 428
Trish- I felt the very same way you did the first day I walked into AA. I was so ashamed and just could not believe the reality of the fact that I was an alcoholic. (How could that happen to me? Where did I lose control?)
AA really helped me and the people there were so nice and understood exactly how I felt. Then I found this site a little over a week ago and it has been so helpful.
You can live the way you want to without alcohol. It is great that you found this site.
Good luck
AA really helped me and the people there were so nice and understood exactly how I felt. Then I found this site a little over a week ago and it has been so helpful.
You can live the way you want to without alcohol. It is great that you found this site.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 428
Trish- Your last post went up as I was typing mine. 
I was terrified of telling my husband, but you know what... It didn't surprise him and he has been very supportative.
I asked him to sit down so we could talk. And then I started crying and couldn't stop. He was patient and asked me to be open with him. He was shocked by the amount I drank because I hid it from him. He helped me get in touch with people that could point me in the right direction.
Today, there are some wounds that are healing but he is very supportative. Honesty goes a long way.
I hope you can get the courage to tell him and that he is supportative.
Always know that you have found a supportative community here.
I was terrified of telling my husband, but you know what... It didn't surprise him and he has been very supportative. I asked him to sit down so we could talk. And then I started crying and couldn't stop. He was patient and asked me to be open with him. He was shocked by the amount I drank because I hid it from him. He helped me get in touch with people that could point me in the right direction.
Today, there are some wounds that are healing but he is very supportative. Honesty goes a long way.
I hope you can get the courage to tell him and that he is supportative.
Always know that you have found a supportative community here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,836
Lots of good advice and support offered so far, don't think I could offer any better myself. I agree with the advice about seeing a medical professional about detoxing. It can be very unpleasant, if not downright dangerous. And tho not all of us here at SR are AA folks, I am, and have found a lot of love and support and love in AA. They've been where I am now and have a world of experience to offer. So yes, I would see a doctor and check out AA. You can quit drinking, it just takes a lot of love and support. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 21
Lots of good advice here....please don't feel ashamed. Here, we all have the problem, honey. And being a mom doesn't make you immune....I'm a mom of two little ones and have just started down the path to sobriety...day 26 here and I am so glad to be offering a new, sober life to my kids. The stress of being a mom is why I started drinking, and now (years later) the children are why I'm finding the strength to stop drinking. I was deeply ashamed until I realized it was the awful addiction that was doing this...anyone can become an addict...rich, poor, young, old, the alcohol doesn't care...it destroys anyone it can. I can walk away free and make a better life. You can, too.
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Hey Trisha. Welcome to our site. I'm not a AA'er so I can't help with that. I do know that there are some agencies out there that may be able to help. Like The Salvation Army for example. The main thing is getting yourself some help.
Regarding getting the ex on board. Well, that's a different story. I'm one of these talk to you straight up kinda guys. No sugarcoat, no BS none of that. If he's your partner then you should be able to tell him that you have a problem and that you need help dealing with. No brush offs from him or cheapening remarks. Just a solid spit shake that he understands and wants his partner to get well.
Now for the part I want you to hear loud and clear. STOP DRINKING AND DRIVING!!!! And if ever hear that you are driving those kids around while drinking I will personally drive my big butt out to that Iowan corn field and take care of business. Understand!!! Good. I'll get off the box now.
There is nothing but love, compassion and care at this site as we want everyone to succeed at both sobriety and recovery.
Sending prayers of hope and compassion your way. And for understanding by your ex.
Regarding getting the ex on board. Well, that's a different story. I'm one of these talk to you straight up kinda guys. No sugarcoat, no BS none of that. If he's your partner then you should be able to tell him that you have a problem and that you need help dealing with. No brush offs from him or cheapening remarks. Just a solid spit shake that he understands and wants his partner to get well.
Now for the part I want you to hear loud and clear. STOP DRINKING AND DRIVING!!!! And if ever hear that you are driving those kids around while drinking I will personally drive my big butt out to that Iowan corn field and take care of business. Understand!!! Good. I'll get off the box now.
There is nothing but love, compassion and care at this site as we want everyone to succeed at both sobriety and recovery.
Sending prayers of hope and compassion your way. And for understanding by your ex.
Last edited by Daddio; 06-02-2008 at 03:50 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8
I do understand your stand on drinking and driving with the kids in the car...fourtunately I can say that has never happened. I would greatly expect to have someone kick my big butt for that one! Thanks ! 
;-)
;-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Oh my, Trisha, those are two beautiful little kids! They are very lucky indeed to have a mama on her own road to recovery! Don't be ashamed...we've all been there. I am proud of you for taking your first steps! Jomey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8
I feel a bit better even now because of all of you. I am going to retire for a couple of hours and start on a clean slate, get off my butt and cook supper for my boys. Take care of the things that matter most.
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by trisha11
I do understand your stand on drinking and driving with the kids in the car...fourtunately I can say that has never happened. I would greatly expect to have someone kick my big butt for that one! Thanks ! ;-)
;-)
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