the sober life thread
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day 43, sober and funky
Everything's is okay. Did not manage to quit coffee so far, cutted it down tough to a descent amount (2-3 normal cups a day). Fully quitted energy drinks so far, so everything together it's a good start.
I find it hard to let it just go, thought that would be easier, especially after the whole recovery-process of the last 40-or-so days. Maybe I should take things just a bit more easier, after all, i'm not even 1,5 month in recovery!!!! I can't take on the whole world (yet
)
Had some stressfull situations at work, some collegeau left her sigs on the desk, and for a few seconds I had a really stronge mind-craving to just take one and smoke. However, I know a bit how my own mind works, so I banned the thought and left it to dissapear. If I would have given it too much thought I might have relapsed.
By thinking about it, i'm feeding my own addictions.
I'm really proud that I took the right desicions, and I'm gratefull I obtained the mindfullness to know what the right desicion was.
my love,
Everything's is okay. Did not manage to quit coffee so far, cutted it down tough to a descent amount (2-3 normal cups a day). Fully quitted energy drinks so far, so everything together it's a good start.
I find it hard to let it just go, thought that would be easier, especially after the whole recovery-process of the last 40-or-so days. Maybe I should take things just a bit more easier, after all, i'm not even 1,5 month in recovery!!!! I can't take on the whole world (yet
)Had some stressfull situations at work, some collegeau left her sigs on the desk, and for a few seconds I had a really stronge mind-craving to just take one and smoke. However, I know a bit how my own mind works, so I banned the thought and left it to dissapear. If I would have given it too much thought I might have relapsed.
By thinking about it, i'm feeding my own addictions.
I'm really proud that I took the right desicions, and I'm gratefull I obtained the mindfullness to know what the right desicion was.
my love,
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by coming_clean 
day 43, sober and funky
I find it hard to let it just go, thought that would be easier, especially after the whole recovery-process of the last 40-or-so days. Maybe I should take things just a bit more easier, after all, i'm not even 1,5 month in recovery!!!! I can't take on the whole world (yet)
by thinking about it, i'm feeding my own addictions.
I'm really proud that I took the right desicions, and I'm gratefull I obtained the mindfullness to know what the right desicion was.
my love,
I find it hard to let it just go, thought that would be easier, especially after the whole recovery-process of the last 40-or-so days. Maybe I should take things just a bit more easier, after all, i'm not even 1,5 month in recovery!!!! I can't take on the whole world (yet
)by thinking about it, i'm feeding my own addictions.
I'm really proud that I took the right desicions, and I'm gratefull I obtained the mindfullness to know what the right desicion was.
my love,
but I agree with what you are saying,...... you are doing, oh, so well, and if you try to do too much you will add stress to your recovery that you do not need...we can easily fall into the trap of wanting it to be perrect now..
I love how you handled the cig situation...I just keep thinking about how far you ave come..very cool..
Hugs, Grateful
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thank you for your compassion gratefull2b!!! U have no idea how much a kind word like urs helps me sometimes...
day 45, sober and pretty content
Still no energydrinks, still moderate cafaine intake,
I turned down a foursome today with three girls.....
yes i did,
I know this sounds very strange, and a bit upsetting, but it's no bragging or something, this truely happened. Some girls in the store were I work were flirting all the time with me, and when I had to bend over to grab some products on a low shelf they were whisteling and giggling and talking softly with eachother. They wanted me to come to their place to watch a movie and 'have some fun together'. Now this could mean playing a game of monopoly or talk about stuff, but they, and I knew better what they ment. It was the way how they told me, like in one of those low-budget movies or something.
I didn't like it at all,
It would be masculine and macho to write down that I easely played along, that with my smooth talking and confident body language I had it all under control. But I hadn't. They made me a uneasy and even a bit angry. They fact alone that they came up to me so easily without knowing me, made them unattracting to me. Sleazy, no self-respect.
My collegea's told me I was insane, that I turned them down. I told the girls I wasn't into that kinda stuff.....so they left,
But my collegea's don't have a girlfriend they love, she is the only one I care about,
I thought to myself why throw away such a lovely relationship for just a moment-kinda
thing?? for something so shallow??
It still bothers me a bit tough, I really felt bad being seen only as a peace of meat. I work out a lot and take care of my appereance, but that is only to stay fit and because I have self-respect, not to show myself off.
I think I understand now how women feel sometimes, being used and seen as meat. I will have more respect now then I ever had.
day 45, sober and pretty content
Still no energydrinks, still moderate cafaine intake,
I turned down a foursome today with three girls.....
yes i did,
I know this sounds very strange, and a bit upsetting, but it's no bragging or something, this truely happened. Some girls in the store were I work were flirting all the time with me, and when I had to bend over to grab some products on a low shelf they were whisteling and giggling and talking softly with eachother. They wanted me to come to their place to watch a movie and 'have some fun together'. Now this could mean playing a game of monopoly or talk about stuff, but they, and I knew better what they ment. It was the way how they told me, like in one of those low-budget movies or something.
I didn't like it at all,
It would be masculine and macho to write down that I easely played along, that with my smooth talking and confident body language I had it all under control. But I hadn't. They made me a uneasy and even a bit angry. They fact alone that they came up to me so easily without knowing me, made them unattracting to me. Sleazy, no self-respect.
My collegea's told me I was insane, that I turned them down. I told the girls I wasn't into that kinda stuff.....so they left,
But my collegea's don't have a girlfriend they love, she is the only one I care about,
I thought to myself why throw away such a lovely relationship for just a moment-kinda
thing?? for something so shallow??
It still bothers me a bit tough, I really felt bad being seen only as a peace of meat. I work out a lot and take care of my appereance, but that is only to stay fit and because I have self-respect, not to show myself off.
I think I understand now how women feel sometimes, being used and seen as meat. I will have more respect now then I ever had.
... I love how you chose personal integrity and loyalty over ego...now where's my shades...
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day 49, sober and kickin'
Yesterday I had to work for almost twelve hours straight, at first it was getting to me, I was getting tired and stressed. After a while I tried to see it as a chance to learn, and by consieusly breathing deep I got calm and content again.
When I got home I finished my last online course that is required for this job, with succes, so I spend an entire day only at working. In a small hour I've gotta go again. Just for eight hours this time
Still of the energy drinks, i'm doubting to cut coffee intirely now. I've been reading up on it, from a buddhist point of view (forums, newsletters, etc.), and it's okay to drink it, as long as u got the whole attachement thing under control. Why take that second cup when u just finished ur first?
gotta go, my love to y'all
Yesterday I had to work for almost twelve hours straight, at first it was getting to me, I was getting tired and stressed. After a while I tried to see it as a chance to learn, and by consieusly breathing deep I got calm and content again.
When I got home I finished my last online course that is required for this job, with succes, so I spend an entire day only at working. In a small hour I've gotta go again. Just for eight hours this time
Still of the energy drinks, i'm doubting to cut coffee intirely now. I've been reading up on it, from a buddhist point of view (forums, newsletters, etc.), and it's okay to drink it, as long as u got the whole attachement thing under control. Why take that second cup when u just finished ur first?
gotta go, my love to y'all
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day 56, morning
On day 53, and day 54 I made a mistake.
53: I got cocky, thought I could do without active recovery, without this website,this thread and the awareness that i'm a true addict.
54: In the evening of day 54 I drank two beers. It's nothing, it's not my drug of choice (weed), and I never had any major problems with alcohol. But still, I drank to sedate, to forget the stress of a long day's work, and that is wrong. That kind of drinking leads back to drug-use.
I guess this shows I'm still very dependend on my active recovery, (duh, i'm not even on two months!!!!). I need this kind of reflection I do on this forum, it helps me remind that i'm sensative towards addiction. It helps me to remind me that the addiction-devil is a cunning *******, one that will not rest before i'm back on his side.
I have a lot, truely a lot, of growing up and wisdom gaining to do before I can do without active recovery. I will not change my sobriety date tough, The little slip-up is not worth starting all over again mentally, I've come a long long way and that is not something to forget or erease, especially cause it is not a problem-drug for me.
positive notes:
- still drinking coffee only in moderation (proberly it's gonna stay that way for a while)
- still off energy drinks, (I consider this a drug now, so it's a big no to me)
-started working on controlling my sex-drive a bit (cutting down and quitting watching internet-porn)
- still working out about three times a week, but now for the right reasons (staying fit, not boosting ego by physical appearance)
- putting life before videogames and movies (been kind of a shelter for me)
On day 53, and day 54 I made a mistake.
53: I got cocky, thought I could do without active recovery, without this website,this thread and the awareness that i'm a true addict.
54: In the evening of day 54 I drank two beers. It's nothing, it's not my drug of choice (weed), and I never had any major problems with alcohol. But still, I drank to sedate, to forget the stress of a long day's work, and that is wrong. That kind of drinking leads back to drug-use.
I guess this shows I'm still very dependend on my active recovery, (duh, i'm not even on two months!!!!). I need this kind of reflection I do on this forum, it helps me remind that i'm sensative towards addiction. It helps me to remind me that the addiction-devil is a cunning *******, one that will not rest before i'm back on his side.
I have a lot, truely a lot, of growing up and wisdom gaining to do before I can do without active recovery. I will not change my sobriety date tough, The little slip-up is not worth starting all over again mentally, I've come a long long way and that is not something to forget or erease, especially cause it is not a problem-drug for me.
positive notes:
- still drinking coffee only in moderation (proberly it's gonna stay that way for a while)
- still off energy drinks, (I consider this a drug now, so it's a big no to me)
-started working on controlling my sex-drive a bit (cutting down and quitting watching internet-porn)
- still working out about three times a week, but now for the right reasons (staying fit, not boosting ego by physical appearance)
- putting life before videogames and movies (been kind of a shelter for me)
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coming clean: thank you for being honest about your slip! Ironically enough, Day 54 was where I slipped last time! I started getting cocky thinking it was easy now. Started to not ACTIVELY remain sober. Once it isn't in the forefront of my brain, the "addiction" portion of my brain takes over. That "slip" lasted five months for me. I had an attitude of, "well, I've ruined it all anyways...." so I drank. I'm now on Day Five.
I just wanted you to know that I started reading this thread for the first time today. Each new day you added brought a bigger and bigger smile to my face!!! I appreciate feeling a part of your journey and I want you to know that your insights and honesty really have made a difference to ME. I hope to God you don't let your slip get the better of you. I hope you realize that your addictive brain will take over the instant you stop actively thinking about staying sober.
And I hope you realize how much this thread has touched me.
I just wanted you to know that I started reading this thread for the first time today. Each new day you added brought a bigger and bigger smile to my face!!! I appreciate feeling a part of your journey and I want you to know that your insights and honesty really have made a difference to ME. I hope to God you don't let your slip get the better of you. I hope you realize that your addictive brain will take over the instant you stop actively thinking about staying sober.
And I hope you realize how much this thread has touched me.
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heya dancinggirl,
thank you for your reply, it's really great to know the story of my recovery can help you and maybe others a bit. Luckely it stayed by this two beers. I haven't touched anything since, and I don't have any cravings. I just realise now what 'active recovery' truely means. it'll take continues work and awareness to stay sober.
I wish you all the best,
with love,
thank you for your reply, it's really great to know the story of my recovery can help you and maybe others a bit. Luckely it stayed by this two beers. I haven't touched anything since, and I don't have any cravings. I just realise now what 'active recovery' truely means. it'll take continues work and awareness to stay sober.
I wish you all the best,
with love,
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day 59, coming to an end,
Had a day off, went to visit a friend, played some videogames, went out with him for lunch, drank some coffee at a cafe, read a book in the train......a good day...
I have been thinking about the beer thing from now a week ago, and I think the main raison that I drank is I kinda forgot my grattitude. Grattitude for sobriety, for life. It is a really important mindset to have, especially while in recovery. Just to make clear, alcohol never been much of a problem to me, smoking weed and sigaretes have been my drug of choice for almost half my life.
My daily morning meditations are starting to have some effect, i'm becoming calmer, my thought processes are clearer, and I have moments that I see everything crystal clear. The disadvantage of becoming more sensitve is that negative emotions are stronger and clearer too. However, by being clear they are easier to work on.
Slowly i'm surrounding myself more and more by the people that are important to me, my girlfriend, a few special friends. It even goes better between me and my parents, I went to visit them a while ago and we had some really good and constructive conversations about our current child-parent relation. They are coming over for dinner this week
I sometimes still have the feeling my recovery is kinda stuck, no more enormous breakthroughs and revelations, but on the otherside: the first few weeks are the most intense, and maybe ít's a good thing that things slowed down a bit.
Had a day off, went to visit a friend, played some videogames, went out with him for lunch, drank some coffee at a cafe, read a book in the train......a good day...
I have been thinking about the beer thing from now a week ago, and I think the main raison that I drank is I kinda forgot my grattitude. Grattitude for sobriety, for life. It is a really important mindset to have, especially while in recovery. Just to make clear, alcohol never been much of a problem to me, smoking weed and sigaretes have been my drug of choice for almost half my life.
My daily morning meditations are starting to have some effect, i'm becoming calmer, my thought processes are clearer, and I have moments that I see everything crystal clear. The disadvantage of becoming more sensitve is that negative emotions are stronger and clearer too. However, by being clear they are easier to work on.
Slowly i'm surrounding myself more and more by the people that are important to me, my girlfriend, a few special friends. It even goes better between me and my parents, I went to visit them a while ago and we had some really good and constructive conversations about our current child-parent relation. They are coming over for dinner this week
I sometimes still have the feeling my recovery is kinda stuck, no more enormous breakthroughs and revelations, but on the otherside: the first few weeks are the most intense, and maybe ít's a good thing that things slowed down a bit.
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day 61, over two month sober from my main addiction, smoking weed!!!!!!!
hooray for me,
My memory is really really starting to work again lately, it makes me realize how forgetfull as a full-time stoner i used to be. I don't have to make notes about everything anymore, that's nice
I'm really working on my grattitude lately, and that is working out good.
hooray for me,
My memory is really really starting to work again lately, it makes me realize how forgetfull as a full-time stoner i used to be. I don't have to make notes about everything anymore, that's nice
I'm really working on my grattitude lately, and that is working out good.
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day 3, sober again....
I had a weed-smoking relapse for about five days. The usage differented from several joints to a few tokes. Also drank some beers (about 8 in total) and smoked some sigs (about three).
A full-force relapse.
Thank god I'm sober again for a few days now. I'm really thinking about the factors that triggered the cravings, the really intense ones. It proberly was stress, in combination that I HAD to be clean, instead of WANTING to be clean. I was mirroring myself with other people, wich made me doubt about myself. And for last I did too much, work hard, being in recovery, housekeeping, excersising a lot, my girlfriend, my familiy and friends, I tried to combine this stuff every week. I know now this is impossible. Not with a fulltime job. I just have to step down on some things and prioritize.
Anyways, i'm back on track again, realizing active recovery is the only way for me.
love,
I had a weed-smoking relapse for about five days. The usage differented from several joints to a few tokes. Also drank some beers (about 8 in total) and smoked some sigs (about three).
A full-force relapse.
Thank god I'm sober again for a few days now. I'm really thinking about the factors that triggered the cravings, the really intense ones. It proberly was stress, in combination that I HAD to be clean, instead of WANTING to be clean. I was mirroring myself with other people, wich made me doubt about myself. And for last I did too much, work hard, being in recovery, housekeeping, excersising a lot, my girlfriend, my familiy and friends, I tried to combine this stuff every week. I know now this is impossible. Not with a fulltime job. I just have to step down on some things and prioritize.
Anyways, i'm back on track again, realizing active recovery is the only way for me.
love,
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day 4, sober,
It's hard to come back here and face the reality, the intensity of my addiction, the traps my own mind sets towards relapsing. I feel like the last two months have been a dream, an illusion washed away very quickly by dope-smoking.
But, here I am.
I think i'm back on track again a bit. The last four days' i've been completely sober. Between day three of the last post and day four of today's post I've smoked two more joints, one per day. I didn't even care if my girlfriend saw it or not. I just wanted to get the feeling again, I wanted to act bad, and proberly her to be angry or frustrated at me. This is how it has been taught to me by my parents. I smoked weed, they cried and got angry, I smoked more to go numb, they cried and screamed more etc. etc.
My gf's reaction towards my drug-use completely disarmed me I love her so much. She just smiled and made jokes about me not seeing things straight, forgetting things and being a weed-monkey. She said it was allright, cause I didn't do it for a long time, as long as I wasn't making it a habit again. And with that, it suddenly came okay to smoke weed, without guilt or anxiety about using. And the urges just stopped.
And here I am now.
It's hard to come back here and face the reality, the intensity of my addiction, the traps my own mind sets towards relapsing. I feel like the last two months have been a dream, an illusion washed away very quickly by dope-smoking.
But, here I am.
I think i'm back on track again a bit. The last four days' i've been completely sober. Between day three of the last post and day four of today's post I've smoked two more joints, one per day. I didn't even care if my girlfriend saw it or not. I just wanted to get the feeling again, I wanted to act bad, and proberly her to be angry or frustrated at me. This is how it has been taught to me by my parents. I smoked weed, they cried and got angry, I smoked more to go numb, they cried and screamed more etc. etc.
My gf's reaction towards my drug-use completely disarmed me
I love her so much. She just smiled and made jokes about me not seeing things straight, forgetting things and being a weed-monkey. She said it was allright, cause I didn't do it for a long time, as long as I wasn't making it a habit again. And with that, it suddenly came okay to smoke weed, without guilt or anxiety about using. And the urges just stopped. And here I am now.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,786
I'm happy to say I've been sober for 23 days now and am really enjoying it. It's wonderful to wake up clear headed and able to do anything. I'm on track to beat my previous sobriety record of 32 days. I like being sober more than I ever liked drinking. Altho my circumstances haven't improved I'm better able to deal with them sober than I ever did when drunk or hungover.
Sobriety rocks!!
Sobriety rocks!!
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day 5 sober,
So far so good, I'm starting to get a bit more confident again that i'm back on the right track. This morning i had a terrible mood tough, thank god it's over. Tonight we're going to the movies, to watch wall-e, i'm sure it'll be fun.
I'm thinking my daily morning meditations are helping me a lot to be calm and focussed.
Taking it one day at a time again.
So far so good, I'm starting to get a bit more confident again that i'm back on the right track. This morning i had a terrible mood tough, thank god it's over. Tonight we're going to the movies, to watch wall-e, i'm sure it'll be fun.
I'm thinking my daily morning meditations are helping me a lot to be calm and focussed.
Taking it one day at a time again.
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