XHomebrewer

Today, I went to my 1st AA meeting in 26 years. I was told in my teen age years that I was an alcoholic and drug addict, so fro a couple of tears, I went to meetings. Time passed and I found that I could use drugs and drink without getting into too much trouble. 22 years ago, I met my beautiful wife to be. I knew it and in 1 week, I asked her to marry me. After several months of proposing and letting her know what she means to me, she said yes. We were married that December. We had 2 children early in life and things seemed to be going well. In 1991, my Father got cancer and with in 1 year passed. My teen age years were very stressful for my parents with all the drinking and drugs but the relationship with my Father had grown into an awesome experience that was cut short due to his passing. During these years of marriage, I had been able to drink socially and smoke some weed and hold a steady job to support my family. When my Father got sick, I got a call one evening and was asked to donate blood because he was having issues and could die anytime. I was stoned at the time and it really didn't register in my head. That was the day I quit doing drugs because I didn't want the next phone call to be that he was dying and I needed to get there fast but couldn't. several months later, he passed and I was by his side. I told my wife that I would not let our children go through life without me being part of it. So I found a job, close to home and with hours that allowed me time to coach them in sports and support the educational activities. After 2 1/2 years, I had failed as a husband and father because of my job choice with lower pay and had to file bankruptcy. This, I thought would be the lowest point in my life. I made a vow to my wife that I would never let her down again.( I should interject here and say that my drinking was continuous during this time, but I only had problems when a crisis occurred. Dad sick..get drunk,Dad dies....get drunk....really drunk, fail as a father and husband....you got it.) So back to making our lives better. I begged for my old job back and got it. started to climb the corporate ladder. I put a lot of time into my job and was set up for a promotion. Unfortunately..... a change of plans and a decision to shut down my department, and a good drunk soon followed. My beautiful wife....did I mention how nuts I am over her.....cleaned me up and gave me encouraging words and with in 1 week, I found a better job paying more money with better benefits. Its funny how these things work out. So up the corporate ladder I go again. almost doubled my salary in 3 years and set up for a promotion again. Life was good...6 months later, no promotion and I was told that my job performance was top notch but because the position that I was to be promoted to was eliminated, I made too much money. What a great feeling:wtf2. I failed again. And another good drunk was born. My beautiful and loving wife of almost 20 years at this time was still by my side, encouraging me to move on. So I quickly found another job and proceeded to work even harder at being the best. I worked long hours. I had many weeks of 75 + hours and 3 weeks over 90 hours each. After 2 years of working long days and coming home to a few beers to relax and then going to bed, always being to tired to do anything, my wife.... my beautiful wife of 22 years, tells me she is lonely and has been for a long time. She doesn't think she loves me and she wants to move out. I didn't see it coming. That was 4 weeks ago. In the last 4 weeks, I have realized that she did not want the stuff that I couldn't give her when we were first married, all she always wanted was me. And all the drinking and hard work that had taken place for years was a wedge that I was driving between us and not the future that I wanted to create for us to retire to. Unfortunately all the drinking and hard work was hiding her pain from me and I didn't even see it. The weekend after the bombshell,she went away to gather her thoughts and what did I do... Got a good drunk on. That was 22 days ago and I have been sober since. She stayed for 22 days and we are slowly building our friendship again. she said that she felt trapped in our marriage for the last few years and never thought she would get out...that is why she had to leave. Well...today, we moved her out. I am very sad... I am a changed man. I am sober because I want to be and I have cut my hours to 40 a week. I have grown a lot in 4 weeks and I hope that my beautiful, adorable wife will grow in her way and that we will get back soon. I know that sometimes, separation can be good and if reunited a marriage can be stronger than it ever was. The biggest for me was tonight. For almost 30 years, I have met every disappointment with many a drunk and for the first time in my life, I am meeting it with sobriety, strength and an internal happiness that can't be explained. Today is the saddest day of my life bar none but it is also the happiest because I have finally dealt with my demons head on and kicked some ass. The last drink I will ever take was 22 days a go and today is the proof.
I am new here and I am grateful that this place exists. I am sorry for writing a book here but I don't have anyone to talk to and this seems like a place to share. Thanks for letting me share.

Jay

suki44883

Welcome to SR. There is much support here.

:praying for you. I hope you will continue to work on your sobriety and that you and your wife can rebuild your lives together.

Horselover

Welcome Jay. I'm glad you found SR. It will help, but it sounds like you are on the right track. Dealing with our problems while sober is VERY difficult, but so very necessary. I'm only 14 days and so you got me there and I too am learning to deal with life with a clear mind and not numb things.

You can do this Jay!! Again, welcome!

Daddio

Welcome to our site XHomebrewer. Your story is moving. And don't worry about the length. You can slip over to the "Stories" section and find some sure enough espitles. Sorry to hear about you and your wife. Things will work out the way that should work out. We just don't always know what that may be. We do know that your sobriety will help you to see clearly the path upon which you have embarked.

Please keep posting here and asking as many questions as you need to. We are all here for a common goal. That is to stay sober, to find a path to recovery, and to share with others. Keep your head up and stay focused.

Again, welcome.

XHomebrewer

Thank all of you for the nice words of encouragement.

serenityqueen

Welcome to SR!

Glad you found us. Please don't apologize for a lengthy post. You got out what you needed to share, right? Sometimes there's lots to say and other times there isn't. Hey, my posts are usually long and if they haven't kicked me outta here by now, I think your safe! lol

It took me many years as well to figure out what was truly important in life and what wasn't. One of the important things I learned was not to beat myself up over things that happened in the past. Sounds like you have things in perspective.

When I finally "got it," after 32 years of using, I also knew in my heart and soul that it was my last time. I know I may get some flack for saying that. Many feel that we should never say never. But I knew I was done. I had hit that bottom with a splat. I had wanted to be done . . but all those other times I knew I wasn't. I just hadn't felt enough pain. The gut wrenching pain I felt on that day in July of '05 was the most I had ever hurt in my life. I was a pitiful shell of a human being. But, like you, I knew that by feeling that pain, I was going to live.

I think with you and your wife being apart for awhile is God doing for you what you could not do for yourself. It took something like this for you to hit that bottom. You have this time to focus on you and your wife has some time to work on herself. I'm sure somewhere along the line, she may have lost some of her identity as well.

I hope you'll stick around and share with us on our Journey to continue to find out who Jay is.



God Bless,
Judy

least

Congratulations on your sober time!! Keep it up, one day at a time. Your circumstances will surely improve. Always remember where you came from and how much you don't want to go back there.

thank you for sharing your experiences. It helps me to stay sober just reading of the struggles of others.

:ghug

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to our recovery community....
Congratulations on your new sober time

Blessings to you and your family

four812

thanks for your inspiring story jay. perhaps you will be back with your beautiful wife in the future. keep b eing good to yourself

thanks

Tazman53

xhomebrewer welcome to SR!!!! I am from Fredericksburg as well, I will be going to the "Dumpster" aka "Newcomers" meeting tonight in the burg if you would like to meet. Look for a guy with a full beard, glasses, dark skinned, 54 years old, 5'7", a bit on the heavy side, a Hawaiin shirt. My name is Martin. I will be glad to meet you.

22NGONE

Jay,

Wow, we have a lot in common. Well it does suck finally sober and no one to share it with. I pretty much drove myself crazy for a while over it. Now I pray every day to accept my situation, whatever happens, happens. We can't sober up one day look around and say, "Hey Storms over, I'm back honey." Best of luck to you,

John

SoBearish

Good luck X - Keep it up and things will work out for you. I applaud your strength. Are you undergoing any therepy at this time? You may find it very helpful.

I'm rooting for you!!

XHomebrewer

SQueen, Thanks for the kind words. You are correct that my wife has been the victim in all my ways and she needs to find out who she is and who she wants to be. We talked today and she has felt that she was not good enough for me and that was why I was working so much and drinking when I was home. It makes me very sad because there couldn't be anything farther from the truth and I failed to give her the one thing I valued most. That is the love and respect that I hold dearly in my heart for her. She is my entire world and I could not show her that. I now that I am free from the stress and pain that was my life, I don't know if I will ever be able to express my heart to her. Sad....very sad.
As for Martin, as you can see I am home tonight because I was out with my wife. I will be going to a meeting tomorrow, not sure which one. Possibly Back to basics.
John, the storm is over and my heart is filled with sunshine. It really does suck not to be able to share it with the one you are in love with. It is like coming out of a 26 year coma and all of your friends are dead or just gone.
I really appreciate all of the support that I am receiving here. I am set up for individual counseling and we are seeing a marriage counselor. Some things are very positive but until my wife can say that she loves me, which she has not done in 4 weeks, my life will be filled with much sadness surrounded by the happiness of being sober....alone
Jay

Daddio

Very few things in this world hurt more than a broken heart. It's good to know that you are communicating with your wife. That is a good step. That y'all are in counseling is very good. And that you are getting sober is a wonderful thing. Your sobriety will let you express yourself in ways that you never knew were possible.

Everyone here will tell you seek you higher power. Whatever that may be to you. Buddha, Jesus, the ocean or a rock. Whichever it is, go to it and use it to your full advantage. For me it was Jesus. I'm not trying to sell on him over any of the others. All I'm trying to say is the higher power that we seek and rely on can and will get us through this. We all want to be sober and recover from our disease and right some wrongs that occurred along the way. It seems that you are taking on a good path to reach that goal. Just be open to all avenues that can provide you the success that you desire and appear to deserve.

God bless you and your family.

XHomebrewer

Thank You