BCBoy87

i found myself drinking at a young age compared to other people i was newbie to drinking, i started to drink at 16 just for a good time on weekends, at parties if you werent the one drunk you were the one standing out couldn't have that happen so after that drinking on weekends turned into smoking a joint a day at school, which soon lead to smoking everyday at school just to feel good, and fit in with friends, funny how you do things just to fit in, by 17 i was drinking every weekend just for a goodtime, soon that turned into missing classes, every couple days to get high, i thought nothing of it at the time, just seemed like everyday teen behavior, by the end of 17 i was in hospital for car accident, doctors said imust of hit my head pretty hard, i could knowtice change in my behavoir i was always pissed off, depressed, my mood would change everyday rarely i was happy and when i was it changed to pissed off or sad by the littleest of events, i was in hospital, for a month, by the time i got out i wasn't suppose to drink for 1 year but i did anyways at first just to test to see if i could drink then it started to change into drank to feel good, would feel calm, pot became an everyday thing, it was like what i needed to feel good,when i was sober, i felt like ****, i needed a fix just to feel good thought it never seemed like anything at the time, dumb i was to think that, by 18 friends introduced me to ecstasy it turned from once a month to an every weekend the high was insane, never felt anything compared to that, soon after that ecstasy started to turn into 3-4 day binges, thought i thought i was just out for a goodtime, didnt realize what it was doing to me, i was severely depressed, soon after ecstasy i realized i wanted something for speedy so i tried cocaine, first time felt awesome thought still thought nothing of it, i started using coke during the week just for fun had nothing better to do, so why not, by this time i had dropped out of school missed to much, so i had the day free and the nights were long, so i found myself with nothing to do, so i turned to liquor and drugs, thought i later found out i stayed away from liquor most nights id still only drink on weekends and sometime during the week, thought i found the drugs where an everyday occurance it was like i needed it, to function thought it was nothing compared to what was to come later on, when i turned 19 i found myself drinking every other day just for the fun, me and friends were all heavy drinkners so why not, by 19 and a half i found my self drinking evveryday at home, and using coke or ecstasy every two to three days, i still thought it was all just for fun, later on throught 19 i found the coke comedowns and ecstasy comedowns hard to get throught so i started drinking after finishing the drugs, just to cope with the comedown, by this time i found the anxiety and panic attacks where hard to deal with and when i was sober w0oulld have plenty of them, so i found myself drinking just to stop the anxiety and feel somewhat normal, by this time i had loss contact with my friends, for reasons i dont know, just slowly went to ****, i found myself drinking just to get rid of thoughts, from what iv done, they haunted me at night and couldnt get them out of my mind, i found myself starting to drink everyday and use every other day this was when depression really hit, i would drink just to be happy and stop the shakiness, and the constant thoughts of what i was doing to myself, by the time i felt normal i thought to myself hey iv gone this far why not feel good, and by the time i felt good, i thought why not go for the ultimate feeling so i foun myself mixing benzos coke liquor and ecstasy for the ultimate high most nights would end up waking up choking on my own vomit, i would get up my mind would be borderlining on sanity i couldnt deal with the feelings, of insanity, anxious, constant worry, so i would drink myself to the feeling of normal which then was not even close to normal but it felt was i was finallly stable which then i had to keep the feeling throught out the day just to keep myself stable, i found myself waking up every morning still drunk, or if not id be downing straight whiskey within 2 minutes of waking up, the feelings where unbearable lliquor was the only thing keepings them inline from starting a mental breakdown. waking up in my own vomit almost every night, popping pills and sleeping meds with liquor tempting fate everynight, thought i never gave a ****, i wanted to die, my life was in the worst place, ever there was no end to this torment, it would of been a blessing if i had died those nights of mixing pills and booze, next thing you know i woke up in the er went throguth detox and later found out that there is hope after all


addiction can turn ur life upside down and it can all start out from just drinking on weekends at a party or smoking pot, but no ,matter how far you fall down the hole there is always hope
BE STRONG

StayinAlive

Hi fellow BC boy! So how are you doing now? What changes have you made to stay clean?

CarolD

Powerful share....Thank you

BCBoy87

well i saw something in the er no one ever wants to see....my mom cry, that point i saw what i was really doing to myself so i told myself im not going to hurt anyone else, and have been clean since, for steps iv taken, just stayin away from liquor keeping myself entertained watching hockey, w.e is to do i am thinking of starting to go aa or na, but for now am just focusing on not drinking or using

i also realized later on, i had **** all relationship with my family, they disowned me wanted nothing to do with me, and i think thats part of why i started drinking heavily, and usingi was trying to fill in the gap make it seem like there was something there