Lucky
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3
Lucky
Hi there,
I'm new to the forum and would welcome any advice about any of the resources - it looks great.
I've always been a regular drinker and its been a worry at times in the past, however, on Friday night I had an emotional meltdown and drank enough alcohol to have wiped myself out. It went something like this ... 4 beers, bottle of red wine then a bottle of gin. Somehow I woke up.
I imagine that there are lots of people out there who have done this and maybe far worse but I have scared the crap out of myself - and my family. My anxiety levels are rocketing thinking about it.
The thing I've realised is that while I have never depended on alcohol on a regular day to day basis they way that I drink is dangerous and a form of self harming.
My dad has been sober for 15 years and I'm very proud of him for that but when I think about the way I use alcohol it's frighteningly reminiscent of what I recall of his drinking days.
I have an awful lot to live for and a lot of great things and people in my life but it feels like deep down I want to self destruct and I really don't know why.
Thanks for your time people.
jx
I'm new to the forum and would welcome any advice about any of the resources - it looks great.
I've always been a regular drinker and its been a worry at times in the past, however, on Friday night I had an emotional meltdown and drank enough alcohol to have wiped myself out. It went something like this ... 4 beers, bottle of red wine then a bottle of gin. Somehow I woke up.
I imagine that there are lots of people out there who have done this and maybe far worse but I have scared the crap out of myself - and my family. My anxiety levels are rocketing thinking about it.
The thing I've realised is that while I have never depended on alcohol on a regular day to day basis they way that I drink is dangerous and a form of self harming.
My dad has been sober for 15 years and I'm very proud of him for that but when I think about the way I use alcohol it's frighteningly reminiscent of what I recall of his drinking days.
I have an awful lot to live for and a lot of great things and people in my life but it feels like deep down I want to self destruct and I really don't know why.
Thanks for your time people.
jx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Portland, or
Posts: 47
Hello jx, welcome to SR. Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol, however, if your drinking is frightening to you then I believe it is something you need to take serious look at. You say that your dad has been sober for 15 years, presumably he has had a problem with alcohol? Talk to your dad and ask for his advice I am sure that he will be more than happy to help you. Good luck.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Hey Joonbug,
It's kind of interesting - you asked your question and answered it at the same time. What I'm reading you saying (if I read just a little in between the lines - excuse me if I get it wrong) is that you remember when your dad was an alcoholic and it was scary to you. You're proud of you dad for getting sober and staying sober for 15 years.
You now see that you are drinking like your dad did in the past and it's terrifying to you. You know that it wouldn't take much more to do a full-blown self-destruct on yourself. You have family and friends that you love. You don't want to hurt them and you don't want to self-destruct.
But you are torn because you are an alcoholic and quitting doesn't present itself as a happy option. It's not easy. It's soul-searchingly difficult. You want to believe that you aren't an alcoholic - that the occassional massive blowout with alcohol is "normal" drinking. But you know in you're heart that it's not. And you know in your heart that you need help to quit.
This site is great - just keep logging in and looking around. AA is great for me - not for everyone, I know. But for me, has played a huge role in getting sober.
Don't drink today. Talk to your dad about it. You can do this. I apologize, again, if I crossed a line by talking about your drinking as if it is obvious that you're drinking alcoholically. I do think that you know that from what you wrote in your post But just take what I said as the thoughts of one person who doesn't even know you and who lives far away.
Good luck to you.
It's kind of interesting - you asked your question and answered it at the same time. What I'm reading you saying (if I read just a little in between the lines - excuse me if I get it wrong) is that you remember when your dad was an alcoholic and it was scary to you. You're proud of you dad for getting sober and staying sober for 15 years.
You now see that you are drinking like your dad did in the past and it's terrifying to you. You know that it wouldn't take much more to do a full-blown self-destruct on yourself. You have family and friends that you love. You don't want to hurt them and you don't want to self-destruct.
But you are torn because you are an alcoholic and quitting doesn't present itself as a happy option. It's not easy. It's soul-searchingly difficult. You want to believe that you aren't an alcoholic - that the occassional massive blowout with alcohol is "normal" drinking. But you know in you're heart that it's not. And you know in your heart that you need help to quit.
This site is great - just keep logging in and looking around. AA is great for me - not for everyone, I know. But for me, has played a huge role in getting sober.
Don't drink today. Talk to your dad about it. You can do this. I apologize, again, if I crossed a line by talking about your drinking as if it is obvious that you're drinking alcoholically. I do think that you know that from what you wrote in your post But just take what I said as the thoughts of one person who doesn't even know you and who lives far away.
Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3
Thanks
You're absolutely right and thanks for the honest response. Right now I have no desire to drink today or any other day but I haven't properly come to terms with where I am - i know that much. I spoke with my parents briefly earlier and admitted I have a problem so thats a starting point.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Good for you - for admitting you have a problem and for talking with your folks. Huge steps. And difficult. Keep just putting one foot in front of the next. And know three are people on this site rooting for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
You are lucky to be aware and to be able to deal with the problem before real damage is done.
You have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism from your dad and you abuse alcohol and these are two big red flags for you.
Take a look around and read and learn. I am so glad you found us!
You have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism from your dad and you abuse alcohol and these are two big red flags for you.
Take a look around and read and learn. I am so glad you found us!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Welcome to the SR forum joon!!
I was a binge drinker, didn't necesarily need alcohol on a daily basis and had periods of relative calmness in my life. But looking back I can say my disease progressed, with time it always got worse.
I just thought, somehow, someway, I was going to reach a point in my life where alcohol and drugs wouldn't be important to me. After thirty years of abusing my life I ran out of things to try and had to admit I was powerless....
The good news is that you can find sobriety now. You don't have to wait like I did and hope beyond hope that it will one day work.
You just have to want it and do what other sober people do.
God's Peace
I was a binge drinker, didn't necesarily need alcohol on a daily basis and had periods of relative calmness in my life. But looking back I can say my disease progressed, with time it always got worse.
I just thought, somehow, someway, I was going to reach a point in my life where alcohol and drugs wouldn't be important to me. After thirty years of abusing my life I ran out of things to try and had to admit I was powerless....
The good news is that you can find sobriety now. You don't have to wait like I did and hope beyond hope that it will one day work.
You just have to want it and do what other sober people do.
God's Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3
Comforting
Woke up this morning feeling clear headed and calm and hopeful.
It was so nice to have my morning tea and read everyones kind and helpful posts. I see that I could gain a lot from other people's experiences.
353 - your message really hit home - I stopped using drugs 3 years ago and always thought that I would be able to do the same with booze but it hasn't worked out like that. I feel like I don't want to waste any more time.
Hope you are all feeling strong and having a good day and thanks again.
It was so nice to have my morning tea and read everyones kind and helpful posts. I see that I could gain a lot from other people's experiences.
353 - your message really hit home - I stopped using drugs 3 years ago and always thought that I would be able to do the same with booze but it hasn't worked out like that. I feel like I don't want to waste any more time.
Hope you are all feeling strong and having a good day and thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
75 75, none of us knew why, until we realized it was the afliction of our alcoholism that wanted us to self destruct!
that Rat of Addiction had us by the ankles!
welcome to recovery 75!
all good wishes...
rz
it feels like deep down I want to self destruct and I really don't know why.
that Rat of Addiction had us by the ankles!
welcome to recovery 75!
all good wishes...
rz
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