Husband has rheumatoid arthritis has pain but now addicted very badly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: louisiana
Posts: 9
Husband has rheumatoid arthritis has pain but now addicted very badly
My problem is I can not find anywhere to talk with people with the same mess going on. My husband is an addict but also has rheumatoid arthritis so has to take meds for pain. He has been doing this addictive behavior for 6 years. The last two yrs. have been a nitemare That's when he went on permanent disability. When it all started in the beginning, I would fight about it, hide the meds and then it finally got to where I bought a safe and would lock up his meds and then when time, give what the doc subscribe. Even that he learned to hold them in his mouth , like he took them but would spit them out and wait till next dose to double up so he could feel the high!! I finally took them out of the safe and put them in his care. I told him do what you are going to do. I can or will not enable you any more. That ended up that a week later, I woke to him so messed up ,I had to call 911. All they did was take him to hospital, drug tested for any level that would kill him. Then they told me there nothing they could do. If you choose to be an addict that is your choice. I left him at the hospital in tears. He manged to walk the 3 miles to our house. I did not let him in. The next day after him sleeping in the garage for a nite, I let him in and told him rehab or get out. I think he picked rehab because he had NO where to go. We have been married 34 yrs, I am 52 yrs old. I have Multiple Sclerosis. I can take no more. He always uses the excuse that he has Rhem arthritis and they tell me that they have to treat him for pain. So I do not understand how he will ever beat this because he will always be prescribed something. At first it was percots, then vicodin, then they took him off and put him on ultram, increased his prednisone so then it was ativan to calm down the jitters for so much anxiety. That is what he abused last week. That and vistaril!!!! I know my typing is horrid right now. I am so stressed. The kids are grown and I am alone.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Sharon,
Welcome!
I am sorry that you are going through this.
Your husband has got to want to seek help for himself in order for him to get better.
You need to focus on yourself and what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Take a look around and read. You'll find lots of support here.
Welcome!
I am sorry that you are going through this.
Your husband has got to want to seek help for himself in order for him to get better.
You need to focus on yourself and what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Take a look around and read. You'll find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Hi Sharon. You are 52, how old is Hubby??
My Mom has rheumatoid arthritis also. It's a terrible crippling disease. I understand how upset you are. I hate seeing my Mom taking all those pills. I do understand that the meds lighten the pain a lot.........but then comes addiction. I don't really have any advice, as I'm watching her do the same thing. But I will send prayers to you & your hubby.
My Mom has rheumatoid arthritis also. It's a terrible crippling disease. I understand how upset you are. I hate seeing my Mom taking all those pills. I do understand that the meds lighten the pain a lot.........but then comes addiction. I don't really have any advice, as I'm watching her do the same thing. But I will send prayers to you & your hubby.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, justsharon. there's a friends and family forum here at sr too, and they can lend some experience, strength, and hope to you i'm sure.
you sure don't need all this stress with ms.
have you thought about going to private counseling or face to face alanon meetings? my daughter is a alcoholic/addict and i know i gotta help myself stay healthy and sane, regardless of what she chooses to do.
hugs, k
you sure don't need all this stress with ms.
have you thought about going to private counseling or face to face alanon meetings? my daughter is a alcoholic/addict and i know i gotta help myself stay healthy and sane, regardless of what she chooses to do.
hugs, k
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by justsharon 
If you choose to be an addict that is your choice.
All addicts don't feel like they have a choice in the matter of using or not using. In the beginning it was a choice, but after you cross that line there is no choice involved when you are an active addict/alcoholic. You have to use (or thats what it feels like).
I hope things work out for you, I'm sorry you are alone and suffering. I hope your hubby is able to get through this in rehab.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi Justsharon
Not sure I can offer any advice, but I had to write because we have similar situations and I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am seeing more and more people dealing with addictions to pain meds.
My husband has a variety of health problems, mostly stemming from his job which is very physical. He is a candidate for neck surgery, but until recently hasn't wanted to take that route. His addiction to pain killers started about 7 years ago. He was in recovery prior to this but he seemed to have a good grasp of sobriety. He didn't seem to have any problems at all during our dating and in the beginning of our marriage. Then he found a "pain management" doctor, who basically helped him become addicted to methadone. He didn't tell me he was taking anything for the longest time, but I became worried when I saw all the changes in his behavior. He finally came clean and told me he was taking a lot of methadone and wanted off. He detoxed himself with the help of his primary care doctor. He weaned himself off slowly. It was awful.
Fast forward to now, he has been on and off again a variety of medications. In and out of rehab three times for pills. He lost his position at work but thankfully has not lost his job (caring boss). I have had to do everything for him, undress him for bed, feed him, carry him to bed, etc. I have come home with him passed out on the floor. Picked him up from jail for DUI (from sleeping pills). Called the police because I was worried about him hurting himself. And now, I just found out he is taking another one. He always claims he can't deal with the pain. I understand that it might be hard to deal with chronic pain, but I also believe that he has an obligation to himself to make his life worth living. Thankfully our kids aren't around to see this.
I just joined SR and have to say that it is really helping me gain a better perspective on addiction. Also, I have read that chronic pain may be a symptom of many things not just health problems. For example, it can be a symptom of depression (which may be the case with my husband).
I guess I'm trying to say that yes, he has pain, but the pain becomes secondary to the addiction. There are many ways to deal with chronic pain, I hope your husband (and mine) can find healthier ways to deal with it. But again, treating the addiction has to come first.
In the meantime, concentrate on doing what makes you feel better. You have done a lot for him, now do more for yourself. I think you did the best thing for yourself by telling him you wouldn't take it anymore.
Take care
Not sure I can offer any advice, but I had to write because we have similar situations and I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am seeing more and more people dealing with addictions to pain meds.
My husband has a variety of health problems, mostly stemming from his job which is very physical. He is a candidate for neck surgery, but until recently hasn't wanted to take that route. His addiction to pain killers started about 7 years ago. He was in recovery prior to this but he seemed to have a good grasp of sobriety. He didn't seem to have any problems at all during our dating and in the beginning of our marriage. Then he found a "pain management" doctor, who basically helped him become addicted to methadone. He didn't tell me he was taking anything for the longest time, but I became worried when I saw all the changes in his behavior. He finally came clean and told me he was taking a lot of methadone and wanted off. He detoxed himself with the help of his primary care doctor. He weaned himself off slowly. It was awful.
Fast forward to now, he has been on and off again a variety of medications. In and out of rehab three times for pills. He lost his position at work but thankfully has not lost his job (caring boss). I have had to do everything for him, undress him for bed, feed him, carry him to bed, etc. I have come home with him passed out on the floor. Picked him up from jail for DUI (from sleeping pills). Called the police because I was worried about him hurting himself. And now, I just found out he is taking another one. He always claims he can't deal with the pain. I understand that it might be hard to deal with chronic pain, but I also believe that he has an obligation to himself to make his life worth living. Thankfully our kids aren't around to see this.
I just joined SR and have to say that it is really helping me gain a better perspective on addiction. Also, I have read that chronic pain may be a symptom of many things not just health problems. For example, it can be a symptom of depression (which may be the case with my husband).
I guess I'm trying to say that yes, he has pain, but the pain becomes secondary to the addiction. There are many ways to deal with chronic pain, I hope your husband (and mine) can find healthier ways to deal with it. But again, treating the addiction has to come first.
In the meantime, concentrate on doing what makes you feel better. You have done a lot for him, now do more for yourself. I think you did the best thing for yourself by telling him you wouldn't take it anymore.
Take care
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
(((justsharon))) I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this without an understanding of addiction. Not that it would make any of it easier on you.
I have RA also, along with Lupus. I can relate to the pain of these diseases. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain I suffered when I was using. You see, I'm also an addict/alcoholic.
I started using when I was 11 years old to escape the pain of finding out that my Parents had indeed filed for a divorce (they told us kids it was only a trial seperation) I used anything I could get my hands on through my school years. When I began having female problems in high school, the Dr.'s introduced me to the wonderful world of prescription narcotics. Note I said introduced me, not got me addicted. I noticed someone said that their husbands doctor helped get him addicted . . . I truly believe this is a disease that I was born with and I feel it is hereditary(my Dad was an alcoholic and my little Sis died as a result of this disease) Just like RA is hereditary, you see, my Mom suffers from it.
I do believe that there are different levels of RA. I feel mine was caught relatively soon after I began having symptoms due to my Mom having it in it's severest form. I was tested early on once the symptoms started and even though it didn't show up in my RA factor for a few years, the Dr.'s knew what to look for.
I have been in Recovery for 2 years and 8 months(yes, I still celebrate each day) and part of my Program of Recovery is I go to a Methadone Clinic. Now, I 'm on a relatively low dose, but it helps with three diseases that I have, Addiction, RA and Lupus. I know that along with AA/NA, working the Steps, My Sponsor and most importantly God, I also take a variety of other meds for RA. These include Prednisone, Methotrexate, Placqunil, Folic Acid, and a wide variety of other meds. I know and accept that nothing is going to kill the pain entirely, even if I were to go back to the extremely high amt. of narcotics I used and abused on a daily basis. I have had to learn to deal with pain to some extent. This is where my Higher Power comes in.
I noticed you attend Alanon and are in Therapy yourself. Those things are wonderful. But I think the most important thing and only thing that you can do now is to Let Go and Let God. You seem to have tried to "fix" your Husband in every way you could possibly think of. And it hasn't worked. No matter how much love, determination and time is put into trying to fix an addict/alcoholic, it can't be done. If it were possible, my Family would have been able to fix me.
Now that I am in Recovery, I can see the other side of the fence so much clearer now. I never realized the pain that I put my Family and everyone else who cared about me through. How could I, I was too high. I thought I wasn't hurting anyone, only trying to numb my pain. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain.
Since I have let God back into my life, I have found such a sense of Peace and Comfort. I Pray that you, in turn, will be able to turn your Husband over to Him. After all, God is the one in charge.
My Best to you and all the family who suffer due to this disease,
Judy
I have RA also, along with Lupus. I can relate to the pain of these diseases. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain I suffered when I was using. You see, I'm also an addict/alcoholic.
I started using when I was 11 years old to escape the pain of finding out that my Parents had indeed filed for a divorce (they told us kids it was only a trial seperation) I used anything I could get my hands on through my school years. When I began having female problems in high school, the Dr.'s introduced me to the wonderful world of prescription narcotics. Note I said introduced me, not got me addicted. I noticed someone said that their husbands doctor helped get him addicted . . . I truly believe this is a disease that I was born with and I feel it is hereditary(my Dad was an alcoholic and my little Sis died as a result of this disease) Just like RA is hereditary, you see, my Mom suffers from it.
I do believe that there are different levels of RA. I feel mine was caught relatively soon after I began having symptoms due to my Mom having it in it's severest form. I was tested early on once the symptoms started and even though it didn't show up in my RA factor for a few years, the Dr.'s knew what to look for.
I have been in Recovery for 2 years and 8 months(yes, I still celebrate each day) and part of my Program of Recovery is I go to a Methadone Clinic. Now, I 'm on a relatively low dose, but it helps with three diseases that I have, Addiction, RA and Lupus. I know that along with AA/NA, working the Steps, My Sponsor and most importantly God, I also take a variety of other meds for RA. These include Prednisone, Methotrexate, Placqunil, Folic Acid, and a wide variety of other meds. I know and accept that nothing is going to kill the pain entirely, even if I were to go back to the extremely high amt. of narcotics I used and abused on a daily basis. I have had to learn to deal with pain to some extent. This is where my Higher Power comes in.
I noticed you attend Alanon and are in Therapy yourself. Those things are wonderful. But I think the most important thing and only thing that you can do now is to Let Go and Let God. You seem to have tried to "fix" your Husband in every way you could possibly think of. And it hasn't worked. No matter how much love, determination and time is put into trying to fix an addict/alcoholic, it can't be done. If it were possible, my Family would have been able to fix me.
Now that I am in Recovery, I can see the other side of the fence so much clearer now. I never realized the pain that I put my Family and everyone else who cared about me through. How could I, I was too high. I thought I wasn't hurting anyone, only trying to numb my pain. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain.
Since I have let God back into my life, I have found such a sense of Peace and Comfort. I Pray that you, in turn, will be able to turn your Husband over to Him. After all, God is the one in charge.
My Best to you and all the family who suffer due to this disease,
Judy
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