splendra

Addiction is an empire of lies. It sets up it's government in our mind. It heavily taxes it's followers cause it main philosopy is to take everything from it's followers. We become soldiers for this government. It almost seems we don't even care what this government wants from us as our actions in favor of this government are undeniable

Anyone who lives with someone who shares the views of this government will also be heavily taxed... The really amazing thing about this aspect is the more one protests and attempts to resist or, overthrow this government the more brutal the battles becomes.

more later...

SpaceDementia

Sounds just like America

adore79

I often wonder how I will get rid of the huge ball of guilt that I carry around with me. All the lies I've told to everyone to hide my alcoholism. It is such a tremendous burden to bear!

Mattcake

fel, my own humble advice is to avoid lying to yourself first. That's one of the core issues. I also shudder when I think about the lies I've told over the years - knowing that no one bought any of them makes it even worse. But I hope I'll be able to make amends with others, in time. In the meantime, try to be compassionate with yourself. I, for one, am trying to banish that harsh, ruthless dictator that's in my mind.

CAPTAINZING2000

rehabilitation, not incarceration

SpaceDementia

felly, I know what you mean. So many friendships I have destroyed by concealing my opiate addiction. So much ******** that I've told my parents for why I needed money. There are so many pharmacies in town where I dare not go from when I was doctor shopping for pills and trying not to get the same pharmacist twice for fear someone would catch on. I have three former best friends that I haven't spoken to in three years that I desperately want to go to and tell them how sorry I am. I couple months ago I saw in the local newspaper that my ex-girlfriend's mother had succumbed to ovarian cancer and died. She was only 46. I wanted to call that girl and tell her I was so sorry for her mother and so sorry that I lied and so sorry that I didn't treat her the way that I should've. I try to rationalize the guilt as best as possible.

adore79

Thank Matt, I'm with you on that.

adore79

And you SD

splendra

So how is this dictatorship going to be over thrown without causing more damage? How can I recognize the path to freedom?

adore79

???????

Dean62

"you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

That's good I will have to remember that one.

adore79

I've been thinking of how to cultivate a belief in HP all day. I prayed for the first time last night and it was a pleasant experience. Still building up the courage to go to AA. I don't know what else to do.

splendra

I have to become aware of the voice in my head that leads me to my DOC. I have to realize that this voice has many tactics in order to sway me. It rules me if I let it.

The "fight with my partner" tactic is one that leads me straight to the bar or liquor store. The "world is against me" tactic is also a good distraction and I can most likely find a dealer who will help me sink way down into dispare.

adore79

Or the "you are hopeless so you might as well drink" lie that the voice tells you. "You are depressed and drinking will make you feel better" lie. Lots of others that I can't think of right now.

splendra

Another mantra in the empire of lies. But, there are choices. I can challenge these lies I can be gentle, loving, forgiving as I do it. I can turn these lies around and they become truth.

I am hopeless becomes I am full of hope.

All I have to do is turn away from the empire of lies and see the light of truth on the horizon and walk towards it. The empire of lies will chase after me it might try to shoot me down but it's bullets will only harm me if I believe the lies.