User_Name

I've been hanging around AA rooms for a little bit now (60 days sober), and every now and then I will get a "lightbulb" moment about things that I have been hearing in the rooms. A lot of things don't make sense at first and then I will have a revelation.

Tonight I realized that most of the time I want to drink it's not because I want to get drunk, rather I just don't want to feel the feeling I am having at that moment. For instance, today I was in a rotten mood and really wanted to drink. I didn't necessarily want to do the physical act of drinking, but I sure wanted to be drunk. I realized tonight I wanted to drink simply because I didn't want to be in a bad mood, and drinking would allow me to escape that feeling. I wouldn't necessarily get out of my bad mood by drinking but I wouldn't have to feel it anymore if I got drunk.

I also gained a better understanding of "this too shall pass". It's not so much that feeling like drinking will go away, but more that the underlying feeling will eventually go away and therefore I won't want to drink over it. In the beginning I thought it was just that the wanting to drink will go away, but I guess I'm saying that if I wait a bit the bad feeling will go away. I'm not really sure if this made sense to anyone but myself, but it was a profound moment and I wanted to share it.

theonlyway

Made tons of sense User_Name..... in so much as ANY of this makes sense....

HuGGGGGGGGGs~~~~

reed

absolutely made sense to me!

barb dwyer

good for you!

and yeah - that *was* a bit pink-less of you to observe.

CarolD

Thanks for sharing your journey UserName...

dave47

Thanks for sharing User Name, it makes total sense.

gravity

These are two of the primary tools that I use in my recovery, how I try to live.

In the past my belief was always: "I feel horrible, I drink, I feel better" or "I feel great, I drink, I feel even greater". Such BS, especially at the end. I am trying to accept the negative emotions & enjoy the positive feelings as just a part of life. Certainly nothing to drink over!

I have also kept a journal for over a year. I've read through it and almost 100% of the time, if I am anxious about something one day, the next day is fine! Always blowing things out of proportion and worrying over nothing! There is much truth in "this too shall pass".

Thanks, User_Name for the very important post.

Anna

Oh yes, User Name, the drinking is just a symptom. For me, I had to take a hard look at myself and my life and deal with things I had been avoiding for years. It's a process, like peeling an onion, but it works.

Mr. Patch

User Name: Thanks for the post and the reminder of why I always seemed to pick up a drink.

I have 10 days sober today and it is always good to have a reminder of what it was the helped lead me to the bottle. I'm in counseling dealing with some of the "things" I need to deal with and that has been helpful as I learn to not "hide" from what I am feeling.

My wife says she is so glad to finally get to meet the "real" me after 9 years of marriage and that she loves me even more each day I am sober. I am a lucky man!

Take care and keep posting, this place really has been a godsend to me!

Hope

That does make sense!
I'm sure that realizing this will help you tremendously in your recovery!