EtOH_611

Greetings. This is my first post. I'll be relatively brief, since I am not sure that I am in the right place.

First, my situation. Then, my question.

Situation:
I have many problems: depression, anxiety, marriage issues, and now alcohol. Alcohol is not my #1 problem; I see it mostly as a symptom and/or maladaptive coping mechanism for deeper problems, but nevertheless, it is a problem worth consideration in its own right.
Most days of the week (4-5, on average), I drink 1-2 drinks in the evening after work. About once per month, I like to get drunk. Occasionally when I get drunk (probably 6 times in the past 2 years), I get TOO drunk (not to the point of vomit, but rather to the point of sleep--either at home or in my car to avoid drunk driving).
My drinking patterns haven't really changed over the past 10 years, but what has changed is that I am married (for about 2 years). Since the TOO drunk episodes now affect my wife (b/c a few hours go by without her knowing where I am), I now consider them to be a problem.
While all of the above drinking patterns may be considered part of one big alcoholic picture, the only part I want to change is the TOO drunk situations--I want to prevent those from happening again. I know, I know, I have read the literature: for an alocholic, 1 drink is TOO many. But I am not willing nor desiring to abstain completely. I just want to restore confidence in my abillity to decide when enough is enough.

Question:
Is this forum the right place for me? Are there others like me who are welcome here? If not, can you suggest a better forum(s)? I am willing to go to an AA meeting, but from what I have read, I suspect that won't be the right fit for me.

Thanks,
EtOH_611

Dee74

All I can offer is my own experience - I tried for 15 years to find some surefire control strategy to ensure I didn't reach that TOO drunk stage.

The only surefire way for me was to not start drinking - to abstain completely.

For me, I had to accept the unpalatable truth - alcoholism is progressive and I had no longer had any abillity to decide when enough is enough.

If you want to spare your wife worry, why not just quit ? Folks with no drinking problems don't need alcohol.

If you can't - then this forum *is* for you AA too in that case....

welcome
D

Creekryder

Well said, D, I concur with your response. I wish I could control the way I consume alcohol, but I have known for some time now—when I drink, I drink to get the buzz. I never really reached that ultimate buzz and as a result kept drinking to try to grasp that elusive thrill. I never caught in in 40 years of drinking and trying.
If I drink, I get drunk, if I don't drink, I stay sober. Pretty plain map here.

Padraic

Done_With_It

Hi EtOH_611,

I would check out these sites if your not willing or wanting to stop. They may help you some. Best wishes to you.
:atv



Moderation Management, the one group that deals with moderate drinking; useful for the guidelines:
Moderation Management


Abstinence or Moderation
How to Stop Drinking, Natural Cures for Alcoholism, Addiction Recovery Treatment, Alcohol & Drug Addiction Rehab & Treatment Centers for Teenager/Women
How to Stop Drinking, Natural Cures for Alcoholism, Addiction Recovery Treatment, Alcohol & Drug Addiction Rehab & Treatment Centers for Teenager/Women

tennis71

I would say that if you are asking the question about attending an AA meeting or a forum such as this, then you are probably in the right spot. Both are free and you can decide if you want what they have to offer.

Your opinion is always welcome in both places.

best

Alcohol isn't your number one problem?

Ok. I thought that for a time as well.
Alcohol was at the root of most every one of my problems. Alcohol magnified every one of my problems to a point that they became problems for me and others.

As for restore you ability to say no more after a few... well I have yet to do that. Once alcohol gets added to my system, my ability to say no more after a few goes out the window.

I would say to give AA a try... not so you can moderate your drinking but so you can collect some info for a day that may come where you say that it is time to tell alcohol goodbye.

There is a program called moderation management (could google it). You could give them a try and if you find it isn't what works for you...AA will still be there.

Personally... I only know one way to moderate that one beer that causes all my problems (the last one) and by not having the first one, the last one will never touch my lips.

Aa_vark

yup, yup, i can relate, believe it or not....

I didnt want to get too drunk, just drunk enough. I exausted all of my attempts at control.

I finaly became sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Welcome to SR, keep an open mind, and keep coming back.

bonsai12

Good luck with this one.

I never could control my drinking my drinking controlled me.

GreenTea

Can we agree that, in the grand scheme of life, alcohol ranks as "icing on the cake", as a "luxury" kind of thing? It isn't the same as food, or oxygen, or a bill that needs to be paid. Instead its something you do for "entertainment" more than anything. Its something to do when all is right with the world, and there's no pressing issues, no concerns that need to be addressed, and you just want to "kick back" and soak it up a little. Alcohol isn't a "need", its an "amusing diversion". Would you say that's a fair statement?

You've already stated that you see your drinking as a maladaptive coping mechanism and mention deeper problems. It sounds to me like there's a problem with the cake so why worry about the icing?

Perhaps consider laying off the alcohol entirely until those other problems are resolved? No big deal, right? It sounds like you have more urgent issues to deal with right now instead of drinking anyway. Keeping a clear head will certainly help you to deal with them in any case. Plus its one less thing in the mix for everyone else to worry about.

If your doctor told you to lay off desserts for a while so that something in your organs could adjust, you'd do it without hesitation. Well the depression alone sounds like a good reason to keep sober for a while so that you can work through that. Those emotions need to be processed.

For me it was a case of my alcoholism hiding behind all these "other problems". In fact, in my case it was my drinking causing many of the problems, or at least contributing indirectly to most of them. I wasn't handling things as well as I should have. I wasn't paying close enough attention to what was going on around me over time. I wasn't responding in ways that would have been more beneficial. I was making poor choices.

My drinking career *started* as a maladaptive coping mechanism for some psychological problems resulting from my family. At first it SEEMED to offer some relief, even if temporary. Questioning my "right to drink" was inconceivable.

Over time it progressed. I was a classic weekend binger. Friday! Woo-hooo! Then consequences started settling in and I'd actually plan for things like being hungover all Sunday. I'd still get the buzz and feel great, but it would take more and more beer (maybe add in a shot or two) to get there, to find that "release" and that fleeting "escape". Protecting my "right to drink" was very important.

What I didn't see during all that time was the repeated cycle of up and down I was putting myself through. The highest highs and the lowest lows -- saturate my system with alcohol and then dry out for a few days and do it all over again.

At some point the craving thing started. Once I'd start drinking I wouldn't want to stop. I'd always want "just a couple more" beers (or maybe another shot). It hit a point where I simply could not get drunk enough. I'd never want the "night out" to end.

Over time it took fewer beers to get to that point. Then there was no telling how many beers it would take -- sometimes four, sometimes two -- and I'd be swilling them down all night. Tomorrow will take care of itself, right now just go get another beer. At first it was fun, then it was scary.

All the anguish, and self-recriminations, and wasted money, and wasted time, as my drinking inserted itself into my life and then expanded. Instead of being engaged in life, I became increasingly preoccupied with my drinking. Either the consequences of it, or the last time, or the next time. Other problems manifested because I wasn't paying enough attention to living life.

Through it all, alcohol was whispering in my ear how it was such a good friend to me, a comforter and a refuge, momentary asylum from all those problems of life. Another aspect of craving settled in at some point. When I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about the next time I would be drinking.

Sometimes my weekends started earlier, like on Wednesday. Sometimes they lasted longer, like until Tuesday. It eventually hit the point where I'd only drink if it was a day ending in "Y". On a given night, I was either out drinking or sleeping trying to recover from the previous night.

Once I started on recovery though, things got better, enormously better. It wasn't overnight and it took some effort on my part. These days life is beautiful.

Here's some information you might want to check out...
Excerpts Under The Influence

stonewolf

that was an excellent bit of advise Green Tea. wake up CALL!!!

Tazman53

Not sure what to say that would matter, you are at the point I was for the last 10 years of my drinking, the longer I drank the worse it got, you see I am an alcoholic, alcoholism is a progressive disease, I have gone through all of the stages except the final one death! I was in the early part of the final stage when I finally saw death in my future. The whole time I was seeking control, being able to drink like a normal person.

I have since learned that I was in trouble the second I decided "I need to control my drinking", you see I have learned that normal people never think about that, normal people do not plan thier next drink or how much they are going to drink, if they have a drink or 2 it is no big deal, they do not think to them selfs "Gee I better stop now while I still can."

Normal people know the second they get a buzz on to stop.

I am an alcoholic, when it comes to alcohol with me it is either drink the way I want to drink or not drink at all and be happy, this is the only area in my life today that is truly black and white, if I want to die, I drink, if I want to live I don't.

Do normal drinkers come to a board such as this? Do they contemplate going to AA?

Rusty Zipper

Et if ya can have just one drink, without having two, then i dont think this is the place for you... IMO

for me, i can say you are welcome tho!

alcoholism, is a slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow! progression to hell, or worse...

Et wwwiwantobeabletodrinklikeagentlemen.commm

good wishes Et

rz