Needing Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 2
Needing Advice
Wow umm how do i start? Last night was another episode of many like before. Another night of self-destruction. Went to the bar to see a friend's band play, was only going for a few drinks to celebrate a hard week of work, however I went in with no food in my stomach. Turns out a few pints led to shots and then who knows else what cuz i ended up blacking out only to wake up this morning on my couch missing my credit card, left my jacket at the bar and have no recollection of how i got home. I also missed a meeting with my boss as well... not a good thing.
I feel guilty again for letting myself lose control... I had been doing soo well the past few months of drinking no crazyness and no blacking out... but wham it hit me good last night. Its 11:30pm and i'm still feeling like garbage. I think its been almost a good year since i started realizing that I do have a problem. However I thought i could control it and i have, sometimes. I"m sick of not knowing what happens, and i'm scared to death of what if i didn't wake up. and i'm sick of being hung over as well... not the greatest feeling.
I heard there is no such thing as temporary quitting... but i need to do something and I guess this is why i am reaching out, i'm only 25 yet feel completely lost
I feel guilty again for letting myself lose control... I had been doing soo well the past few months of drinking no crazyness and no blacking out... but wham it hit me good last night. Its 11:30pm and i'm still feeling like garbage. I think its been almost a good year since i started realizing that I do have a problem. However I thought i could control it and i have, sometimes. I"m sick of not knowing what happens, and i'm scared to death of what if i didn't wake up. and i'm sick of being hung over as well... not the greatest feeling.
I heard there is no such thing as temporary quitting... but i need to do something and I guess this is why i am reaching out, i'm only 25 yet feel completely lost
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Hi Newts,
I'm still kind of new to quitting drinking (34 days) but I have had so many nights like yours. It progressed to drinking non-stop for 3 day periods. Look around this site, ask questions, put a plan together, and work hard at it. This site has helped me so much. What has worked for me? I finally went to AA (I don't believe it is the only option), I joined & participate on this site, I keep a journal, and I keep busy (family, fitness, career mainly). I try not to lose focus on sobriety & I try to keep myself grounded. Life is good!
Don't be too hard on yourself and try & learn from your experience. Hopefully, things will work out with your boss.
By the way, I have family & friends in Ottawa and try and get there at least once a year. Not a Senators fan though
.
I'm still kind of new to quitting drinking (34 days) but I have had so many nights like yours. It progressed to drinking non-stop for 3 day periods. Look around this site, ask questions, put a plan together, and work hard at it. This site has helped me so much. What has worked for me? I finally went to AA (I don't believe it is the only option), I joined & participate on this site, I keep a journal, and I keep busy (family, fitness, career mainly). I try not to lose focus on sobriety & I try to keep myself grounded. Life is good!
Don't be too hard on yourself and try & learn from your experience. Hopefully, things will work out with your boss.
By the way, I have family & friends in Ottawa and try and get there at least once a year. Not a Senators fan though
.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR!
I too was in control ...and then Bam!
it was gone. I never knew when I crossed the
invisible line from fun to alcoholism.
Please check out this information
Alcohol Chemistry and You
25 is a great age to plan for a healthy sober future.
Keep posting with us...we do understand.
I too was in control ...and then Bam!
it was gone. I never knew when I crossed the
invisible line from fun to alcoholism.
Please check out this information
Alcohol Chemistry and You
25 is a great age to plan for a healthy sober future.
Keep posting with us...we do understand.
Last edited by CarolD; 01-19-2008 at 09:53 PM. Reason: Added Link
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Welcome Newt! You've found a good place here at SR!
You are not alone... You are also not going crazy... You've just gotten caught up in something that ultimately wants you dead... The "self-destructive behavior" is an example of how it will take your life apart, piece by piece if you allow it...
Here's a link to some information which you might find useful...
Excerpts "Under The Influence"
I remember when I was still drinking, many times I'd go out intending to have "just a few" and end up making it an all night (early morning) thing. I'd feel good, as long as the alcohol kept flowing, and I'd find a certain level of, well... escape, I guess. I wouldn't want the "escape" to end -- just a couple more -- okay, maybe a shot -- whatever just to keep the "escape" going. I wouldn't want the night to ever end. This was a big part of my "craving" once I would start drinking.
Later, it wasn't about escape anymore. Instead, it started being about feeling "normal" and "okay" again... This became my craving towards the end, the desire to simply feel like myself again.
Its a progressive thing, sort of like an accumulated toxin build-up over time. I think the thresholds are set differently for everybody, but once they've been crossed, they're crossed... Many people would say that the blackouts alone (and I had many of those) would strongly indicate that some "lines had been crossed" since you have to really practice hard to get to the point where you can drink so much that you black out like that. People "without a problem" simply can't drink that much, their bodies won't let them.
I remember over the years that it started taking longer and longer to recover from a hangover. It used to take about a day and then I'd be fine again. Then it was two days. Then I wouldn't start to feel better until after about three days, or sometimes maybe four. By then, I'd be feeling good enough to start thinking about going out and getting trashed again.
I was a classic weekend binger. Then the weekends began starting sooner (maybe Thursday night) and ending later (maybe Monday night). Then I was either asleep, getting (being) trashed, or completely hungover thinking about going to sleep or getting trashed.
Those mornings (evenings) after a hard night's drinking were some of the worst. Waking up, trying to remember how I got home, trying to piece together some memories of the night before... "...I said *what* to whom?!?" ... "...we went *where*?!?" ... "...who did I run into?" ... And that ever-present, sinking, down in your gut OMG, "please let everything be okay", almost panic while your world swirls around you feelings of "where is my car?", "is the car okay?", "where did I park?", "Did I actually *drive* home?", "did I climb a curb?", "did I hit something?", "did I hit someone?", "the keys are here but where did I park?"...
After I started recovery, there hit a point where I realized that I didn't wake up with a headache anymore, and further that it had been a period of time since I *had* been waking up with a headache. Its amazing what we get used to living with, and what we get used to putting ourselves through. That "desperate urgency" thing, I don't miss that... Its also amazing how much better I feel physically -- that alone is worth the recovery. What's even more amazing is how much better I feel in my head and in my heart, and I don't have that "spiritual emptiness" anymore.
For me anyway, life without alcohol is... life... Its certainly a lot more livable, and I'm a lot happier now than I ever was drinking.
You are not alone, Newt! Welcome!
You are not alone... You are also not going crazy... You've just gotten caught up in something that ultimately wants you dead... The "self-destructive behavior" is an example of how it will take your life apart, piece by piece if you allow it...
Here's a link to some information which you might find useful...
Excerpts "Under The Influence"
I remember when I was still drinking, many times I'd go out intending to have "just a few" and end up making it an all night (early morning) thing. I'd feel good, as long as the alcohol kept flowing, and I'd find a certain level of, well... escape, I guess. I wouldn't want the "escape" to end -- just a couple more -- okay, maybe a shot -- whatever just to keep the "escape" going. I wouldn't want the night to ever end. This was a big part of my "craving" once I would start drinking.
Later, it wasn't about escape anymore. Instead, it started being about feeling "normal" and "okay" again... This became my craving towards the end, the desire to simply feel like myself again.
Its a progressive thing, sort of like an accumulated toxin build-up over time. I think the thresholds are set differently for everybody, but once they've been crossed, they're crossed... Many people would say that the blackouts alone (and I had many of those) would strongly indicate that some "lines had been crossed" since you have to really practice hard to get to the point where you can drink so much that you black out like that. People "without a problem" simply can't drink that much, their bodies won't let them.
I remember over the years that it started taking longer and longer to recover from a hangover. It used to take about a day and then I'd be fine again. Then it was two days. Then I wouldn't start to feel better until after about three days, or sometimes maybe four. By then, I'd be feeling good enough to start thinking about going out and getting trashed again.
I was a classic weekend binger. Then the weekends began starting sooner (maybe Thursday night) and ending later (maybe Monday night). Then I was either asleep, getting (being) trashed, or completely hungover thinking about going to sleep or getting trashed.
Those mornings (evenings) after a hard night's drinking were some of the worst. Waking up, trying to remember how I got home, trying to piece together some memories of the night before... "...I said *what* to whom?!?" ... "...we went *where*?!?" ... "...who did I run into?" ... And that ever-present, sinking, down in your gut OMG, "please let everything be okay", almost panic while your world swirls around you feelings of "where is my car?", "is the car okay?", "where did I park?", "Did I actually *drive* home?", "did I climb a curb?", "did I hit something?", "did I hit someone?", "the keys are here but where did I park?"...
After I started recovery, there hit a point where I realized that I didn't wake up with a headache anymore, and further that it had been a period of time since I *had* been waking up with a headache. Its amazing what we get used to living with, and what we get used to putting ourselves through. That "desperate urgency" thing, I don't miss that... Its also amazing how much better I feel physically -- that alone is worth the recovery. What's even more amazing is how much better I feel in my head and in my heart, and I don't have that "spiritual emptiness" anymore.
For me anyway, life without alcohol is... life... Its certainly a lot more livable, and I'm a lot happier now than I ever was drinking.
You are not alone, Newt! Welcome!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I heard there is no such thing as temporary quitting... but i need to do something and I guess this is why i am reaching out, i'm only 25 yet feel completely lost
SOunds more to me like you've woken up with the 'oh my God's'
that is truly a roadmarker for the progression of the disease of alcoholism.
It's a progressive disease that is ... fatal.
Treatable ... but fatal just the same.
WHat you choose to do - HOW you choose to deal - is up to you.
My only ... input here is the one thing I say to everyone any more ...
There is so much more in life to center your life around ..
than alcohol.
That is not an opinion.That is a fact.
I think you know ...
you're standing at a crossroads right now.
We're here to talk about it. Because we've done it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 2
Okay so i'm 14hrs out since i made that post last night and I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest, thank you to all of those that have responded, I do not feel alone. I tried talking to some friends today about my thoughts of sobriety and they just chalked it up as me talking cuz i was hung over again and wait till next weekend, well i don't know when next weekend is coming but i know for damn sure its not going to be in 7 days.
I've also been going through some self-realization on why I drink and what it does for me... as well as what i do when i'm hung over. All i know is that i'm feeling pretty low still and embarrassed and I hate those feelings. The main thing i'm scared about now is can I still have fun without drinking when everyone else is? I know the answer is yes... but when am i going to feel comfortable?
Thank you once again everyone
I've also been going through some self-realization on why I drink and what it does for me... as well as what i do when i'm hung over. All i know is that i'm feeling pretty low still and embarrassed and I hate those feelings. The main thing i'm scared about now is can I still have fun without drinking when everyone else is? I know the answer is yes... but when am i going to feel comfortable?
Thank you once again everyone
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Newts,
Many of us, including me, tried really hard to control our drinking, but it never works for very long. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop.
And, it's normal to be scared of living life without alcohol. It was terrifying to me, but you can do it. It will mean making some changes in your life, but it will be worth it.
Many of us, including me, tried really hard to control our drinking, but it never works for very long. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop.
And, it's normal to be scared of living life without alcohol. It was terrifying to me, but you can do it. It will mean making some changes in your life, but it will be worth it.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
...i'm feeling pretty low still and embarrassed and I hate those feelings...
The alcohol is telling you that life will always feel like this unless you pick it up again. The alcohol lies.
Have you been to any AA meetings? They'll definitely give you something to think about and you'll meet a great bunch of people.
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