on my way to court
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Originally Posted by Change4life 
I THINK I JUST DONT LIKE MYSELF VERY MUCH
Thats probably why I never do what would be needed to help myself. Deep down I dont want to feel better. Im guessing I like to punish to myself.
For what im not sure, but I definetly see the pattern clearly. I am never good to myself dont know why.
My biggest critc and my worst enemy is me.
how do I fix that?
Thats probably why I never do what would be needed to help myself. Deep down I dont want to feel better. Im guessing I like to punish to myself.
For what im not sure, but I definetly see the pattern clearly. I am never good to myself dont know why.
My biggest critc and my worst enemy is me.
how do I fix that?
In short it changes day by day as we get well, at times it changes slowly and in little ways and at other times we make big changes.
Are you pissed right now Change?
Kevin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
My life is so friggin complicated and I just dont see away out. I try to stay positive, I really do, and I have alot of good days, but lately Im having more days of FEAR, evry waking moment in complete fear of all huge mountain of obstacles I have ahead of me.
I paralyzed with fear most days, and its screwing me up.
I paralyzed with fear most days, and its screwing me up.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hey beth..been there done that. Never thought I'd stop hating myself.
But i stopped drinking, and I applied myself to a new life - service here - helping others, getting out, not vegetating...and slowly...I realised I wasn't so bad. In fact I was pretty cool.
I was confusing what I did when effed up, with me.
First step in the journey is to stop the BS excuses - you 'need' a drink as much as I do, Beth.
D
But i stopped drinking, and I applied myself to a new life - service here - helping others, getting out, not vegetating...and slowly...I realised I wasn't so bad. In fact I was pretty cool.
I was confusing what I did when effed up, with me.
First step in the journey is to stop the BS excuses - you 'need' a drink as much as I do, Beth.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
No i wouldnt say I was pissed, andI dont feel angry.
I feel dissassociated like If I could deny I was me I would. Dont know if that makes sense. Sounds kinda crazy when I read it back. I feel sad mostly You know maybe close to The " oh what a shame, look at what happened to beth" mode.
I dont feel sorry for mysef, more like disgust.
And now that Jon has a new girlfriend living with him I feel so pitiful caus im totally in the way,but I have nowhere to go and thats the only reason his putting up with me. i try to stay out of the way but that seems to be whats getting me in trouble cause im finding the need to be out of the house. finding myself hanging at places and with people I shouldnt.
sleep it off, still working on the first one!
hopefully the last as long as I spew a little. I hold everything. that really isnt good
I feel dissassociated like If I could deny I was me I would. Dont know if that makes sense. Sounds kinda crazy when I read it back. I feel sad mostly You know maybe close to The " oh what a shame, look at what happened to beth" mode.
I dont feel sorry for mysef, more like disgust.
And now that Jon has a new girlfriend living with him I feel so pitiful caus im totally in the way,but I have nowhere to go and thats the only reason his putting up with me. i try to stay out of the way but that seems to be whats getting me in trouble cause im finding the need to be out of the house. finding myself hanging at places and with people I shouldnt.
sleep it off, still working on the first one!
hopefully the last as long as I spew a little. I hold everything. that really isnt good
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