xXBacktoBlackXx

Hey everyone. I decided to go to a meeting tomorrow since there is a meeting in my town tomorrow @ 8. I am posting 'cause I am having trouble resisting this urge right now. I don't know why, but today I've just been a bit down...I've been thinking about a past hurt that really damaged me. I feel like if I talk to this person that hurt me, it will feel better, but I know that it will only make it worse. Either that, or I want to drink or snort but I know I can't...

Astro

Whether you talk to that person or not, your sobriety is solely up to you. I'm sure you know that, and I'm glad to hear you're going to make that meeting. Keep going to the meetings, don't drink, do the work, and eventually you'll hear the message and the miracle will happen. It takes time and effort to stay clean and sober, but the rewards are priceless.

I'm glad you're still posting here, it's always good to see you back.

Rowan

Stay on here B2B, post as often as you like. Get it out. Resist the urge to drink or use. Focus on your breathing, slow down, stay in the present. Never mind the drama around you, stay centered as best you can. Stay away from triggers i.e. people, places and things. Cravings, although intensely powerful, do not last very long.
You can do this.

xXBacktoBlackXx

I just snorted...I'm sorry. Ugh. I just wanted to escape.

Rowan

You'll keep repeating this cycle, B2B, unless you decide to do different.

353

Forgive....that is my answer. I look at my life and all the stuff I've done and I see absolutely no way I cannot forgive some other person.

You know, I kind of figure other people have to live in this world just like me and for so long I wasn't very good at it. But I'm making progress.

Forgiveness frees me. I used to think it was a sacrifice, I had to give something up, but that's not true, it's a blessing.

If you need something to take your mind off using for a little while listen here....myspace.com/christian353

God's Peace BtB and don't drink or drug.....

xXBacktoBlackXx

Thanks for the link. I guess I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. I'm in a really feel good state right now but every sound is scaring the crap out of me. I'm in a spot where I have a job substitute teaching but that'll be ending soon 'cause summer is gonna come, I dropped out of school, and am living at home. I feel like I have nothing.

xXBacktoBlackXx

I am sorry for disturbing anyone. Please don't read this thread if you are on the verge of drinking or doing drugs because I fear it'll make you do just that. I don't think you should, though, because you will regret it. Being on this, though, make me feel like I don't have to worry about anything. I do know I have to change. I am sorry if I dissapointed anyone. I feel like I always come on these boards and post whenever I am getting ****** up. I don't mean to. I always read everyone's posts, I just don't respond because I don't feel like I have any advice to give.

Kasey

we're here for ya. Just keep posting, don't get down on yourself, and seek help...it's there if you look for it.

xXBacktoBlackXx

Thanks Kasey. I just don't wanna leave this room because there is too much going on outside of it. There's so much noise. I am thinking of just going to my room and laying down but I won't be able to sleep cause I am on this. My mind is racing.

Anna

B2B,

You have the choice to make the change you want, but you have to really want it, more than anything else.

I hope you find peace.

xXBacktoBlackXx

Thanks for the comment. I know I just need to find that inner peace. I've been searching for it through other people and now I am just lost.

xXBacktoBlackXx

I'm sorry to keep posting, I just need someone to talk to. I don't know why.

CarolD

I strongly suggest you ask your doctor
if you require a medically supervised de tox.

Your way is obviously not working

xXBacktoBlackXx

I'm sorry are you mad at me?
I have not drank in about a month, so I know I don't need medical supervision to detox cause I did so for a month and was fine.
I never was one to drink every day and need to go through detox...it's just whenever I drank, I would blackout and throw up and get to that point...I used to drink every weekend and some weekdays but that was awhile ago. Like I said, last time Idrank was about a month ago before Valentines Day.
Now I snorted something but it wasn't anything alcohol related.

xXBacktoBlackXx

Freedom1990

As Dr. Phil says, 'How's that working for you?!'

I'll tell you how my way worked. It worked so well that I had to be taken to rehab. I was down to 109 pounds (at 6' tall), had blown out the veins in my arms, was pregnant, and was too weak to even hold my head up for long.

I was planning to get in my car and drive till I literally passed out and wrecked and hopefully killed myself. That wouldn't have taken long considering I had been up for days on end.

Something definitely greater than myself intervened that day because just for that one day, my normally tweaking, psychotic, violent husband was lucid, and made me get my ass in the car and he drove me the two hours to rehab.

How far down do you want to go, my friend?

CarolD

No...I am not angry with you.

When I said your way was not working
it was because you snorted a drug
when you write you want to stop.

I do hope you find your way ..

gutterman317

These recovery programs take action. I am from Indy to, and there are f2f meetings all day/ everyday. You have to want to quit using drugs more than you want to live. The requirement for the meetings is that you have a desire to quit. It sounds like you have the desire, so go start a new beautiful life.

xXBacktoBlackXx

I feel like I get away from everything for a bit of time...the alcohol...the drugs...then I go back. I wonder if I need to go to rehab. I do not have the money for something like that. I am just in a downward spiral.