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...I don't ever wanna' drink again/I just need a friend...

Old 03-06-2008, 11:48 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by xXBacktoBlackXx View Post
Thanks Kasey. I just don't wanna leave this room because there is too much going on outside of it. There's so much noise. I am thinking of just going to my room and laying down but I won't be able to sleep cause I am on this. My mind is racing.
Trust me I know how that feels. If you give it all some distance you will be what I call stoked (stupid word I know) to go out. Drugs and alcohol will always be around but there are things out there to do besides them. I know that every time I retreat into this cave of an apartment I miss a beautiful day, waves, sun, even friends. I then just sit there and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I do that until the substance wears off and then I want more . How boring is that?

I think the question I ask myself is, "what do I want from this substance?" It started out as fun and now it's boring. This thought doesn't stop the desire for abuse though, which is such a weird paradox.

Keep posting...be you strong or weak in will, most of all, don't be scared. You'll find the road you need, if you only look. As in all things that we hold most dear (relationships, work, even drugs/alcohol) it takes time to come to fruition. It took me years to get hooked and believe me I tried hard to get to hooked, to the point where it shut me down. I know now that it will take years to change as well and find some type freedom.

I am still lost myself, so if you have the map let me know.
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Old 03-06-2008, 11:53 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by 353 View Post
It's quite disturbing to me, being new to online recovery, that so many people are struggling with addicition, trying hard to find a way out, but won't go to meetings.
God's Peace
I understand how you feel 353 and I have tried AA myself. It didn't work for me. I just wasn't into the group dynamic. Counseling worked best for me until I moved. I am open to many different ways of finding freedom from this because I know who I am without these 'blinders' on and I like the real me.

I'm glad AA was your solution, it just isn't mine (yet) .

Oh and one more thing, y'all who run this forum are doing a wonderful thing. Thank you for all your painstaking effort. You know how it feels to be burdened and you have stepped up to help others. I really appreciate it.

Last edited by Kasey; 03-07-2008 at 12:11 AM.
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Old 03-07-2008, 12:03 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by xXBacktoBlackXx View Post
So do you think I should take Melatonin? I used to take Ambien.
Man, I am spamming this thread and I apologize. I use Valerian root and Melatonin in combo. I do take more than I should but it is a natural substance and can be found at the health food store. I ran out today and I am awake, so I am posting. Neither of these vitamins are as potent as ambien but they make you relaxed and sleepy enough to doze off at some point.

Sleeping pills make me feel crazy and groggy, so I don't take them. A good Melatonin, not the stuff at Kroger(? I've only been to Indiana a few times) but at your health food store (if they are any good) and Valerian root pills work without the druggy side-effects.

I'd take ambien right now if I had some though.
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