Alcohol withdrawal and emotional volatility?
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Alcohol withdrawal and emotional volatility?
Hi everyone
Ok, I'm 22 days into my recovery and have not touched a single drop of alcohol or smoked a single cigarette. Since I'm crediting God for my sobriety and since I'm doing this whole thing in a "faith-based" kind of way, I have also not had sex in 22 days or done a LOT of other things I consider enjoyable in 22 days for fear of punishment from God or experiencing severe guilt.
There are also a number of triggers and "associations" I must avoid in order to maintain my sobriety which has been extremely difficult. For example, I was always drunk during sex, watching a movie or getting involved in things I considered fun and enjoyable. Therefore, if I even THINK about doing them now, the cravings begin to come on strong or the fear that I will begin drinking again if I engage in these activities comes on very strong and so I avoid them at all costs.
Each morning I follow the same routine which involves very mundane tasks such a household chores, care of the animals, cooking, praying and having devotions. I eat dinner and go to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. I am very bored and I feel like life is almost not worth living anymore because there is never anything new and novel in my life. I might as well be in some cell in a prison where you just "sit there" all day doing pretty much nothing but staring blankly at the wall.
When I take my morning walks, negative (and even accusing) thoughts constantly stream into my mind wether I want them there or not. I also have "unpure" thoughts enter my mind and then loads of guilt because I feel as though I have just sinned. I feel like I am in a religious straight-jacket and at any moment God could get mad at me and punish me by making me go back to drinking again for any number of sins I might commit. The thing is, I am only HUMAN and I have thoughts, desires, etc just like any other human or even an animal. I feel like I'm on a very short leash. Boxed in. Trapped.
The other thing is, because of alcohol withdrawal (the symptoms of which are affecting me less and less with each passing day) I sometimes wake up in a good mood which then quickly turns into a very bad mood if anyone says the wrong thing to me. In other words, I become emotionally volatile. I become an "unstable mass" as it were.
For example, this morning my room mate gave me some news about the debates/primaries this morning but the way he phrased it, it sounded like he was playing head games with me and I became more and more irritated. He does like to have fun, tease, play practical jokes and that sort of thing and the way I felt at the time, I was just not in the mood so the next thing I know, I'm cursing and shouting, slamming the fridge door and just really losing it. I said a lot of really mean and hurtful things and then stormed into my bedroom, scratching my head and wondering what the heck just happened out there in the living room. After I took my medication and had a cup of coffee, I was feeling more "stable" and felt that there had just been some sort of misunderstanding which got out of hand due to my emotional volatility brought about by alcohol withdrawal and pent-up pressures.
Anyway, it's one thing to give up booze but when you simultaneously give up cigarettes, sex and other things you once considered enjoyable, it kind of takes a big, sloppy bite out of your life and leaves a very large void there and no apparent way to fill it. Perhaps I blew up this morning because the pressure just got to be too much. Honestly, I felt like a mental case this morning and I'm sure I acted like one too.
I guess the purpose of this post is to find out if this is normal for anyone else going through what I am going through right now. Can anyone here relate to some of this?. I really need someone to talk to right now. Yesterday I had the dreaded cravings after 22 whole days of abstinance and that really suprized me because everyone seems to be telling me that this is impossible.
PS: Like I've heard so many other people say, once you stop drinking, you can become really bored and it always feels like there's a lot of time to kill and nothing to do. This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of recovery for me.
Thanks so much, I am desperate for input!.
IHaveChanged
Ok, I'm 22 days into my recovery and have not touched a single drop of alcohol or smoked a single cigarette. Since I'm crediting God for my sobriety and since I'm doing this whole thing in a "faith-based" kind of way, I have also not had sex in 22 days or done a LOT of other things I consider enjoyable in 22 days for fear of punishment from God or experiencing severe guilt.
There are also a number of triggers and "associations" I must avoid in order to maintain my sobriety which has been extremely difficult. For example, I was always drunk during sex, watching a movie or getting involved in things I considered fun and enjoyable. Therefore, if I even THINK about doing them now, the cravings begin to come on strong or the fear that I will begin drinking again if I engage in these activities comes on very strong and so I avoid them at all costs.
Each morning I follow the same routine which involves very mundane tasks such a household chores, care of the animals, cooking, praying and having devotions. I eat dinner and go to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. I am very bored and I feel like life is almost not worth living anymore because there is never anything new and novel in my life. I might as well be in some cell in a prison where you just "sit there" all day doing pretty much nothing but staring blankly at the wall.
When I take my morning walks, negative (and even accusing) thoughts constantly stream into my mind wether I want them there or not. I also have "unpure" thoughts enter my mind and then loads of guilt because I feel as though I have just sinned. I feel like I am in a religious straight-jacket and at any moment God could get mad at me and punish me by making me go back to drinking again for any number of sins I might commit. The thing is, I am only HUMAN and I have thoughts, desires, etc just like any other human or even an animal. I feel like I'm on a very short leash. Boxed in. Trapped.
The other thing is, because of alcohol withdrawal (the symptoms of which are affecting me less and less with each passing day) I sometimes wake up in a good mood which then quickly turns into a very bad mood if anyone says the wrong thing to me. In other words, I become emotionally volatile. I become an "unstable mass" as it were.
For example, this morning my room mate gave me some news about the debates/primaries this morning but the way he phrased it, it sounded like he was playing head games with me and I became more and more irritated. He does like to have fun, tease, play practical jokes and that sort of thing and the way I felt at the time, I was just not in the mood so the next thing I know, I'm cursing and shouting, slamming the fridge door and just really losing it. I said a lot of really mean and hurtful things and then stormed into my bedroom, scratching my head and wondering what the heck just happened out there in the living room. After I took my medication and had a cup of coffee, I was feeling more "stable" and felt that there had just been some sort of misunderstanding which got out of hand due to my emotional volatility brought about by alcohol withdrawal and pent-up pressures.
Anyway, it's one thing to give up booze but when you simultaneously give up cigarettes, sex and other things you once considered enjoyable, it kind of takes a big, sloppy bite out of your life and leaves a very large void there and no apparent way to fill it. Perhaps I blew up this morning because the pressure just got to be too much. Honestly, I felt like a mental case this morning and I'm sure I acted like one too.
I guess the purpose of this post is to find out if this is normal for anyone else going through what I am going through right now. Can anyone here relate to some of this?. I really need someone to talk to right now. Yesterday I had the dreaded cravings after 22 whole days of abstinance and that really suprized me because everyone seems to be telling me that this is impossible.
PS: Like I've heard so many other people say, once you stop drinking, you can become really bored and it always feels like there's a lot of time to kill and nothing to do. This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of recovery for me.
Thanks so much, I am desperate for input!.
IHaveChanged
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi,
Wow! This is just my opinion, but the god I believe in does not punish me for doing things I enjoy. Congratulations on your 22 days sober.
I agree that you need to avoid triggers and I had to do that too. So, I started to get back to things that I had stopped doing while drinking. One of the big things was walking/hiking which always helps to clear my head, helps me to appreciate the world I live in and makes me feel better physically. I also began doing volunteer work in my city at the same time I stopped drinking and thank god, I found a place that opened up a new world to me. Take a look around your city and see what you can do for others. Get outside of yourself and you'll be surprised how much you gain, in return.
Wow! This is just my opinion, but the god I believe in does not punish me for doing things I enjoy. Congratulations on your 22 days sober.
I agree that you need to avoid triggers and I had to do that too. So, I started to get back to things that I had stopped doing while drinking. One of the big things was walking/hiking which always helps to clear my head, helps me to appreciate the world I live in and makes me feel better physically. I also began doing volunteer work in my city at the same time I stopped drinking and thank god, I found a place that opened up a new world to me. Take a look around your city and see what you can do for others. Get outside of yourself and you'll be surprised how much you gain, in return.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
I was an emotianal wreck for a couple of months with crazy mood swings. I could go from a pink cloud feeling to weeping in the blink of an eye.
Impure thoughts and negative, accusing thoughts..it sounds like your brain is giving you a hard time and youre judging yourself very harshly...first and foremost you NEED to stay sober, you should be proud of your sober time IMO and try to ease up on yourself.
Impure thoughts and negative, accusing thoughts..it sounds like your brain is giving you a hard time and youre judging yourself very harshly...first and foremost you NEED to stay sober, you should be proud of your sober time IMO and try to ease up on yourself.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
N4C this is strictly my opinion and experience.
My ability to stay sober is due to God, the God of my understanding, I found him and draw closer to him every day through the 12 steps of AA. My God does not punish me if I drink, I punish myself by drinking.
I knew that I had lost all power over alcohol once I had a single drink, I knew that when I was drinking my life was unmanageable.
I came to beleive that a Power greater then myself, God (What I call him)could restore my sanity for I had become truly insane when it came to alcohol, the reasons I used to justify or convince myself I could drink safely were truly insane.
I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him. I have no fear of my God, he does not punish me if I drink or do anything else wrong, what I do wrong is what punishs me, not my God. Guilt and shame punish me, not God. My God loves me and forgives me when I go against his will. My God rewards me when I do his will for me, not materially, but spiritually. My God wants me to enjoy life and as long as I am doing his will I do enjoy life.
If I am doing Gods will no one will ever be harmed, my God rewards me with happiness every time I am doing something that helps some one else enjoy thier life and that includes making love with my wife, we both share a joy in expressing our love for each other.
In regards to my past I sat down and took a thorough and fearless moral inventory of my self, listing on paper all of my resentments, all of the people I had harmed, my fears, & my sex life. This allowed me to identify many things that I needed to work on, both making amends and working on not repeating them.
I then took this list and admitted to God and a fellow human being I trusted the exact nature of my wrongs. God had already forgiven me of these, confessing these to another person allowed me to begin to forgive myself, you see I am not greater then God, and if God can forgive me then I am left with no choice but to forgive myself for to not forgive myself would be putting myself ahead of God.
Using this list I worked on becoming ready to have God remove these defects of character, I then humbly asked God to remove my shortcoming that stood in the way of me doing his will.
Going back to the list I made I wrote down every person and institution I needed to make amends to and became willing to make amends to all of them. Once I had the list complete I then examined it and made every effort possible to make amends as long as making the amends would not injure the person or some one else. This process removed the guilt and shame from my past.
Today I take a daily personal inventory and promptly admit my wrongs and make them right ASAP. I pray and meditate daily to strengthen my contact with God and ask him only for knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out.
By doing the above I have had a spiritual awakening, I make every effort to carry the above experience to my fellow alcoholics who still suffer and to apply all that I have learned to all of my affairs.
Am I saying my way is the only way? Of course not, but it is the way that has worked for me. By doing the above I now am a very happy man, I am able to look every one I meet square in the eye, I hold my head high today, I am not ashamed of who I am, I know by sharing my past I can help others, I have nothing to hide from any one.
I am FREE!!!! Free of self and from the bonds of alcoholism!!!!!
My ability to stay sober is due to God, the God of my understanding, I found him and draw closer to him every day through the 12 steps of AA. My God does not punish me if I drink, I punish myself by drinking.
I knew that I had lost all power over alcohol once I had a single drink, I knew that when I was drinking my life was unmanageable.
I came to beleive that a Power greater then myself, God (What I call him)could restore my sanity for I had become truly insane when it came to alcohol, the reasons I used to justify or convince myself I could drink safely were truly insane.
I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him. I have no fear of my God, he does not punish me if I drink or do anything else wrong, what I do wrong is what punishs me, not my God. Guilt and shame punish me, not God. My God loves me and forgives me when I go against his will. My God rewards me when I do his will for me, not materially, but spiritually. My God wants me to enjoy life and as long as I am doing his will I do enjoy life.
If I am doing Gods will no one will ever be harmed, my God rewards me with happiness every time I am doing something that helps some one else enjoy thier life and that includes making love with my wife, we both share a joy in expressing our love for each other.
In regards to my past I sat down and took a thorough and fearless moral inventory of my self, listing on paper all of my resentments, all of the people I had harmed, my fears, & my sex life. This allowed me to identify many things that I needed to work on, both making amends and working on not repeating them.
I then took this list and admitted to God and a fellow human being I trusted the exact nature of my wrongs. God had already forgiven me of these, confessing these to another person allowed me to begin to forgive myself, you see I am not greater then God, and if God can forgive me then I am left with no choice but to forgive myself for to not forgive myself would be putting myself ahead of God.
Using this list I worked on becoming ready to have God remove these defects of character, I then humbly asked God to remove my shortcoming that stood in the way of me doing his will.
Going back to the list I made I wrote down every person and institution I needed to make amends to and became willing to make amends to all of them. Once I had the list complete I then examined it and made every effort possible to make amends as long as making the amends would not injure the person or some one else. This process removed the guilt and shame from my past.
Today I take a daily personal inventory and promptly admit my wrongs and make them right ASAP. I pray and meditate daily to strengthen my contact with God and ask him only for knowledge of his will for me and the power to carry that out.
By doing the above I have had a spiritual awakening, I make every effort to carry the above experience to my fellow alcoholics who still suffer and to apply all that I have learned to all of my affairs.
Am I saying my way is the only way? Of course not, but it is the way that has worked for me. By doing the above I now am a very happy man, I am able to look every one I meet square in the eye, I hold my head high today, I am not ashamed of who I am, I know by sharing my past I can help others, I have nothing to hide from any one.
I am FREE!!!! Free of self and from the bonds of alcoholism!!!!!
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