Well..I am back...Kinda long
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Well..I am back...Kinda long
Well..It was 7 days. They discharged me due to insurance.
I was so sad to go. I almost had an axiety attack when the counselor told me yesterday that I had to go. I mean I would tear up thinking about it.
The other times I went to treatment I felt obligated and spent the whole time figuring out how to get out of there. And did go AMA everytime. And they wanted to keep me 40 days. Now I was OK with the idea of being there for a month. I was ready. I didnt want to go.
Everyone there from the first day was awesome! I really grew attached to everyone..And I mean everyone right down to the nurses. All the patients and counselors were great. It was heartbreaking.
And they welcomed me with true sincerity and understanding. I felt like it was right for the first time. And in turn that helped me interact and participate alot!
I bonded greatly with everyone! Even the one that everyone else gets annoyed with. I was accepting of every and all things.
I was there for me. Noone else. A girl offered me a cigareete. But i refused because I know if you get caught. Your out. I was not willing to risk that. I got so much out of that little 7 days it is unreal.
But my counselor. Who is a text book counselor. No offense in what I am about to say. But I feel if the real experience of it isnt there. How do they truely know what is going on in my mind. And she made some dumb decisions I think in my aftercare plan. She wanted to put me in a sober residence right dead in the middle of the chaos. What is that??
Why??
Me with just a tiny bit of freedom and walk out the door and possibility of getting high is right in your face. NO!
So she took it as I wasnt going to do anything. I told her I could do a couple days Outpatient. But I couldnt do IOP because I am without transportation now. My aunt is off Wed and my cousin Fri. I could go those days. It sounds like excuses but it's just simply how it is.
Now I am second guessing my decisions. Because I dont know if it is my doper mentality or I really am thinking clear. It is confusing.
But I do know I have had it! I am so done with all that craziness. And all I have left to lose is my family. I cant even comprehend that. I cant and wont let it come down to that. That would definately be the end of me.
And Rowan will be glad to know...(wink..wink) That I am very into meetings now. They had outside people comein and do meetings and we would go downstairs one night a week and sit in on a regular meeting with the outside. It was so enlightening. I have such a different perspective on them now. ANd it helps when someone explains it to you. It is a simple program. But it looks like stereo instructions in japanese at first. I asked questions. I wasn't afraid this time. I felt safe. And I felt the real concern from these people. Not just fake phoniness. But that was me also. I am use to that in the street. So I guess I expect everyone to be like that.
Boy...My eyes have really been opened to something wonderful that is going to possibly save my life.
I am very interested in all this recovery stuff now.
And I was thinking. There was this painting in there of a beach scene. I liked it. I always stopped when I passed it and just studied it for a minute.
I want to start collecting beach scenery art.
LOL...I drew myself one for my room and hung it over my bed. Thats my peaceful and serene place.
Well...I rang 2008 in on a good note. This year is going to be a clean slate with unlimitted opportunity. And I am going to try and make the best out of verey second of it.
I spoke of this board while in there. I always do. Because all of you are a part of me and have really stuck it out with me.
I am so grateful just to have a chance to try one more time. I may never come back from the next run. And ...WOW...I really feel that. I really do.
Well anyway. Glad to be back. And thanks to all of you for just being there.
I was so sad to go. I almost had an axiety attack when the counselor told me yesterday that I had to go. I mean I would tear up thinking about it.
The other times I went to treatment I felt obligated and spent the whole time figuring out how to get out of there. And did go AMA everytime. And they wanted to keep me 40 days. Now I was OK with the idea of being there for a month. I was ready. I didnt want to go.
Everyone there from the first day was awesome! I really grew attached to everyone..And I mean everyone right down to the nurses. All the patients and counselors were great. It was heartbreaking.
And they welcomed me with true sincerity and understanding. I felt like it was right for the first time. And in turn that helped me interact and participate alot!
I bonded greatly with everyone! Even the one that everyone else gets annoyed with. I was accepting of every and all things.
I was there for me. Noone else. A girl offered me a cigareete. But i refused because I know if you get caught. Your out. I was not willing to risk that. I got so much out of that little 7 days it is unreal.
But my counselor. Who is a text book counselor. No offense in what I am about to say. But I feel if the real experience of it isnt there. How do they truely know what is going on in my mind. And she made some dumb decisions I think in my aftercare plan. She wanted to put me in a sober residence right dead in the middle of the chaos. What is that??
Why??
Me with just a tiny bit of freedom and walk out the door and possibility of getting high is right in your face. NO!
So she took it as I wasnt going to do anything. I told her I could do a couple days Outpatient. But I couldnt do IOP because I am without transportation now. My aunt is off Wed and my cousin Fri. I could go those days. It sounds like excuses but it's just simply how it is.
Now I am second guessing my decisions. Because I dont know if it is my doper mentality or I really am thinking clear. It is confusing.
But I do know I have had it! I am so done with all that craziness. And all I have left to lose is my family. I cant even comprehend that. I cant and wont let it come down to that. That would definately be the end of me.
And Rowan will be glad to know...(wink..wink) That I am very into meetings now. They had outside people comein and do meetings and we would go downstairs one night a week and sit in on a regular meeting with the outside. It was so enlightening. I have such a different perspective on them now. ANd it helps when someone explains it to you. It is a simple program. But it looks like stereo instructions in japanese at first. I asked questions. I wasn't afraid this time. I felt safe. And I felt the real concern from these people. Not just fake phoniness. But that was me also. I am use to that in the street. So I guess I expect everyone to be like that.
Boy...My eyes have really been opened to something wonderful that is going to possibly save my life.
I am very interested in all this recovery stuff now.
And I was thinking. There was this painting in there of a beach scene. I liked it. I always stopped when I passed it and just studied it for a minute.
I want to start collecting beach scenery art.
LOL...I drew myself one for my room and hung it over my bed. Thats my peaceful and serene place.
Well...I rang 2008 in on a good note. This year is going to be a clean slate with unlimitted opportunity. And I am going to try and make the best out of verey second of it.
I spoke of this board while in there. I always do. Because all of you are a part of me and have really stuck it out with me.
I am so grateful just to have a chance to try one more time. I may never come back from the next run. And ...WOW...I really feel that. I really do.
Well anyway. Glad to be back. And thanks to all of you for just being there.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Welcome back Trish, and thanks for sharing your experience with us! Soooo, you know I'm a huge fan of meetings, I hope you start going regularly and doing the deal. Good to have you back here. I'll always be proud of your determination.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Welcome back chiy. I was in a a rehab in cemtral London, drugs everywhere, best place to be, get over the possibiulity real quick and if I had been in the coubntry and going to use, I would have crawled into the nearest town if I had to.
Kevin
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chiy)))
You sound great and I'm glad you're back, though I'm sure you wish you could have finished out the treatment.
Isn't it amazing that when we finally admit that we can't do it alone, we find who and what we need? Here's to an awesome year for you...one day at a time
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You sound great and I'm glad you're back, though I'm sure you wish you could have finished out the treatment.
Isn't it amazing that when we finally admit that we can't do it alone, we find who and what we need? Here's to an awesome year for you...one day at a time
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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