Don't know where I belong
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 3
Don't know where I belong
I'm horribly co-dependent, I have been most of my life. But I'm also a drinker, or I was. I'm not sure which group I should seek help from. I'm leaning more towards Al-anon but I'm looking to this group for some guidance.
So here's the short version of my story or an attempt to make it short. I was raised in a very co-dependent family. First with a father with severe mental illness who eventually took his own life when I was 5. Then mom ended up with an alcoholic when I was about 7 until I was about 13. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I also started drinking when I was 14. Actually my first experience with alcohol I blacked out from. I drank a lot in high school, hung out with the party crowd. All threw my twenties I continued to binge drink. Then for a 5 year stretch it was almost a daily thing where I was going to the bar almost every night with my friends, taking a break here and there because I as so deathly hungover. Then one day I decided to stop because I was sick of what I was doing to my body, my mind and my spirit. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I've only drank about 4 times.
Most of my relationships with men have been very co-dependent! It's almost like I crave relationships with "troubled" men. I've dated countless alcoholics and I've dated countless men with mental health issues, or better yet - both.
Right now I'm trying to deal with some very frightening emotions that are coming up for me in an unhealthy friendship with a male friend (we have tried dating each other more than once) whom is a recovering addict who attends A.A. My need to control and feel needed by him constantly is controlling my life right now. We both struggle with establishing boundaries in our relationship and yes it has gotten very unhealthy for us both. But I can't seem to let go, in fact the more I do that or when he pushes me away the more I want to latch on and the more depressed I get. I don't know what to do and all i want to do right now is DRINK because I'm so upset right now. Because I know if I were to drink I wouldn't have to feel so crazy inside right now. That all these F@#cked up emotions I'm feeling would subside temporarily. I woudln't wish these feelings on anyone.
So here is my dilema I'm co-dependent and I love to drink, although I think a lot of my drinking stems from my co-depdency and my feelings of inadequacy. So am I the only one that's like this? Where do I go, A.A. or Al-anon?? Help!
I'm cross-posting this in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum too.
So here's the short version of my story or an attempt to make it short. I was raised in a very co-dependent family. First with a father with severe mental illness who eventually took his own life when I was 5. Then mom ended up with an alcoholic when I was about 7 until I was about 13. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I also started drinking when I was 14. Actually my first experience with alcohol I blacked out from. I drank a lot in high school, hung out with the party crowd. All threw my twenties I continued to binge drink. Then for a 5 year stretch it was almost a daily thing where I was going to the bar almost every night with my friends, taking a break here and there because I as so deathly hungover. Then one day I decided to stop because I was sick of what I was doing to my body, my mind and my spirit. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I've only drank about 4 times.
Most of my relationships with men have been very co-dependent! It's almost like I crave relationships with "troubled" men. I've dated countless alcoholics and I've dated countless men with mental health issues, or better yet - both.
Right now I'm trying to deal with some very frightening emotions that are coming up for me in an unhealthy friendship with a male friend (we have tried dating each other more than once) whom is a recovering addict who attends A.A. My need to control and feel needed by him constantly is controlling my life right now. We both struggle with establishing boundaries in our relationship and yes it has gotten very unhealthy for us both. But I can't seem to let go, in fact the more I do that or when he pushes me away the more I want to latch on and the more depressed I get. I don't know what to do and all i want to do right now is DRINK because I'm so upset right now. Because I know if I were to drink I wouldn't have to feel so crazy inside right now. That all these F@#cked up emotions I'm feeling would subside temporarily. I woudln't wish these feelings on anyone.
So here is my dilema I'm co-dependent and I love to drink, although I think a lot of my drinking stems from my co-depdency and my feelings of inadequacy. So am I the only one that's like this? Where do I go, A.A. or Al-anon?? Help!
I'm cross-posting this in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum too.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
ACOA meetings may be a good idea.
Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents.
Those of us who would fit in that group may have a little more insight into what you are feeling then just Al Anon or just AA meetings.
The things you list as needs/issues are all tied together. Find answers for one and you start finding answers for the others.
There are answers and solutions.
Your not alone.
There are many who fully understand just what you may be thinking or going through because they have been there or are there and done or felt the same way.
Welcome to SR. You among friends who understand.
Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents.
Those of us who would fit in that group may have a little more insight into what you are feeling then just Al Anon or just AA meetings.
The things you list as needs/issues are all tied together. Find answers for one and you start finding answers for the others.
There are answers and solutions.
Your not alone.
There are many who fully understand just what you may be thinking or going through because they have been there or are there and done or felt the same way.
Welcome to SR. You among friends who understand.
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