nodrinkingzone

Just a quick question - why are there 8 or 9 frosties in the fridge anyway?

No WAY I'd keep beer in the house, that's just askin for trouble!

"What terrifies me the most is what I might say or do while drunk"

Plus what all these other folks are saying, you don't need to be scared about doing stupid things if you don't drink - because you wouldn't do them sober.

stone

And nothing will DO IT FOR YOU!

Yes, things are there that can help. I recommend you use them. But you can lead a horse to water...

stone

Heard at an AA meeting....'My sobriety is the cornerstone of my recovery...', the guy was being funny, but it's true.

ccirider

As if you needed any more confirmation than you already had my friend. I was one of the people who was told by others to "lighten up", that I was being too harsh with you. You need to go check yourself in somewhere to get cleaned up because you have proven that you can't do it alone, but that has been said to you a million times.

It's become very clear to me that you want to drag everybody here into your drama, but I, for one, have better things to do with my life. Is it healthy for my recovery, or the recovery of anybody else here, to get dragged into your drama? I can't speak for everybody else, but I can speak for myself when I say that my own recovery comes first. It's as if you want to make everybody here a codie - a rescuer, a caretaker, a supporter - yet you don't want to take the obvious, necessary steps to rescue yourself from yourself. You come here looking for support, and everybody gives it to you freely and from their hearts, even though they need support themselves, but what support are you giving yourself? You are getting support, but how much support are you giving others?

My God isn't just a "higher power" as they say in AA. My God is the Highest of the higher powers, the King of all kings, the Lord of all lords, and He is the most Patient of all those who have patience. If you make a mess, clean it up. We all make messes in life. God is oft forgiving and most merciful. But when you make a mess, and then you expect others to support you in your clean up effort, yet you don't do anything to clean yourself up, you do deserve a trip to the woodshed for a good a$$ whipping. You said that the encounter with the sheriff was a wake up call for you and that you could have almost gotten arrested . Evidently, it wasn't enough of a wake up call for you because you just rolled over and hit the snooze button. You watched the movies of alcoholics, you almost got arrested, and you are scared to death of the negative consequences of drinking, yet you keep drinking. You are behaving like a scared little girl, yet you keep flirting with disaster. Keep playing with fire, Need4, and you are going to get burned really good. You haven't really tasted it yet, but you will if you keep it up.

Well, it's another day in the life of recovery for me, and I have to get busy doing something productive. I would suggest that you get busy with your own recovery, and to stop looking to other people to do it for you. No, this isn't whack the relapser week. In order to be a relapser, you have to put in some sober time. You have never stopped drinking. You get drunk, then you go 3 or 4 days without a drink until you start feeling better from your hangover, then go back on a binge. Yes, this has become your personal diary of binges and hangovers. It is what it is, Need4. GO CHECK YOURSELF IN SOMEWHERE AND STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH YOURSELF. I wish you the best of luck.

Peace.

Missymae737

Need4change,

I am sorry to see you are having great difficulty...

You have lots of support here...

It is YOU that needs to make up your mind that you want a sober life...

As others have said I see some self pity in your posts...I understand, I have been there...

Try harder...

Thinking of you...:ghug3

Need4Change

Bottlenecks I've discovered...

* Feel the withdrawal symptoms beginning to come on and want to/am able to do something about them but quickly tell myself that if I take a Campral, Naltrexone, etc then I won't want to (or be able to) drink then.

* Found myself thinking yesterday that I had to have a beer in order to do some preliminary work done on my taxes and then justified it by telling myself that "hey, I might be hungover tommorow but at least I got some eatrly tax preparation done. Sort of a "trade-off".

* Keep promising myself that I'm going to the doctor but never do.

* Constantly keep beer in the fridge so it's always a HUGE temptation. I actually have someone go out and buy the beer for me while I'm drunk and have poor judgement and there's always some left over the following day to keep the whole maddening cycle going. When I wake up the next morning and go into the fridge to get a glass of juice, I just want to puke when I see a half-drunken case sitting there looking back at me.

* Tell myself things will be different "this time" or that I can control my behavior while drinking but before I realize it, I've down 10 or so beers and lose all control and end up saying or doing things I should'nt.

* Tell myself that if I get rid of ALL the beer in the house then I won't have anything in case of an "emergency" in the event I start having SERIOUS withdrawal symptoms.


Possible solutions...

* Go see doctor today and just hope noone there has the flu (I've got enough problems as it is)

* Throw every last drop of alcohol away (even pictures, internet ads, etc featuring alcohol).

* STAY on my meds if that's what is/was working for me (since not everyone is an AA person) and DO NOT go off of them this time or at the very least, TAKE them the next time I've gone several days without alcohol and begin to feel the withdrawal symptoms coming on. FORCE myself to take them!.

Jomey

Hey Need4 - You are right, last night was a disaster. Whether or not you choose to move on from this forum is your choice. There's probably not one person here who hasn't experienced the "morning after" shame thing. I know I have. I read your thread last night - big deal. It was stupid, immature, and revolting stuff. But, guess what? Here in hillbilly land we hear and see worse stuff every stinkin' day. And a bunch of us here spent time on the streets and in the gutters and we aren't going to be shocked by your antics.

If you want to quit drinking, QUIT. Don't put the doctor on your "to-do" list, call him this minute, tell him it is a life and death emergency (if you don't believe that it is, you can go dig up my aunt's grave and discuss it with her - she died in a pool of her own vomit a year ago while fighting this disease "her way"), if the doctor won't help you, go to the ER and sit your a$$ in there until someone helps you. Scream, shout, whatever it takes. Worst case scenario is they haul you to jail - and you know what, there won't be any frosties there, so maybe that isn't the worst case scenario after all.

I would like to still be you friend. I hope you will step up and do something - RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE, not later, not tomorrow, not never. Unfortunately, until you do that, I have nothing left to say, except as a fellow alcoholic hillbilly, I wish you the best and I will keep you in my prayers.

Love & concern, Jomey

Need4Change

Today I did something that I've never done before. To break the "cycle" which I described earlier and to eliminate the temptation, I threw the remaining 6 beers away. The trash people come tommorow morning and the garbage is out by the curb.

Also, I called my doctor to make an appointment. He won't be in tommorow and the place is loaded with sick people (flu). The nurse told me that "everyone has it" and that it was a "bad one" lasting 2-3 weeks. After hearing this, I don't know if I want to see the doctor now but I was only going in to see him to get a refill on my expired Campral and Ativan.

Then, I began putting up Christmas decorations.

Strategy for the future: (please see earlier post).

Need4Change

LauraSFO1

Well this is good to hear. I won't harsh on you anymore, I know others have given you some tough love. Just remember- change is up to you!

Anna

Need4change, this is just my opinion - the flu is nothing compared to what you're going through. Tell the dr it's an emergency and go today. I was here last night. I have supported you, as have many, many other members. Last night was bad and I sense that you are trying to blame us for not being supportive enough. It's not our fault.

We are here to do what we can to help you, but you need to stop drinking.

Need4Change

I've just started to pull myself together within the last hour or so and managed to get some things done (Christmas and otherwise). Feeling *slightly* better and one heck of a lot better than I did last night.

I don't mind the "tough talk" at all. I have pretty thick skin so even when I think someone may have gone too far or crossed the proverbial "line" between tough talk and downright meaness, I am pretty much unphased. I actually appreciate the tough talk because it makes me realize just HOW serious this disease is which is why you don't here my trying to argue or defend myself because that's not what I'm here for but I do take it all in.

Hey, you see someone about to run in front of a speeding train, sometimes you have to knock 'em down and drag 'em out of harm's way, right?.

Need4Change

nandm

Anna is 100% correct IMHO.
All the support in the world can not stop you from picking up the next drink.
There is only one person who has the power to stop that next drink, that is you but to do so you have to reach out to a power strong enough to pull you out. For me and many others that was an organized program of recovery. There are many out there. Many who would consider themselves lone wolfs have found that reaching out and starting a program of recovery to save themselves was more important than saving the lone wolf image.

good_luck

(Holy Cow. This thread, and last-night's thread is like a miniature version of my relationship with my exabf, if N4C was him, and I was the rest of y'all.)

gypsytears

How many times do you need to be told not to run in front of the speeding train in the first place ?!