odaat

Went to a meeting. Wasn't very comfortable there, and didn't really get much from it. I'm going to try and find a way to get to a different wednesday meeting, as I don't want to go back to that one. No joy with a sponsor at that meeting.

There is another meeting tomorrow evening. I feel like I'm just clinging on between meetings. shame there isn't more. 5 a week isn't enough right now.

Going to go back to the doctors tomorrow. Doubt it'll help, but got to try these things.

alberta

Hi Odaat,

You mentioned "the medication." What kind of medication? Pain Meds? Antidepressants?

Only asking because I know that sometimes the meds can mess with our heads if they are the wrong ones for us at the time or at the wrong dosage...

Wishing you strength.

odaat

I'm taking a tricyclic antidepressant (lofepramine) and diazepam.

I've had a negative reaction to two antidepressants (SSRI's) in the past, and haven't had the same acute reaction this time. I've been on them for 10 months and am now tapering off so I can try a new antidepressant (or something else, who knows).

I get a fair amount of irrational and illogical thoughts whilst not on medication.

barb dwyer

I've seen grown biker men do it. It takes a whole lot more than that to scare off an alcoholic wanting sobriety.

has been my expereince, at any rate.

Cathy31

I would suggest sharing about this at your meeting - any meeting! And saying even a temporary sponsor will do! Do you have the big book and a step guide of some sort (I bought the NA step guide and supplemented my aa meetings with na and that helped HUGELY. The NA step guide is really amazing and you can even get started before you get your sponsor! I find doing stepwork - something i put off CONSTANTLY - always ironically makes me feel soo good!!) Keep praying, keep asking god to remove the obsession, it's totally natural what you're feeling i felt it at a year and again recently at 18 months - but it's an indication to me of the spiritual work I have to do and so in a way it's steering you to the right direction - meetings, stepwork, helping others.

good luck! well done for reaching out!!!!!!!!!\

cathy31
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Cathy31

these are great ideas, just start with one. And you know how you help people just by showing up sometimes and sharing how you're feeling. On this board you are helping others by sharing your story and showing how brave you are and how willing you are. It's very powerful. I can relate re the phone! I hate the phone! (too many instances of early morning phone calls - wtf did you do/where did you go/what did you say>!>!> and that shame and horror and remorse crushing in on me - the ring of a telephone still sends shivers down my spine!)

Just start with one...possibly some na meetings with aa to give you more variety - and keep going back!! Sometimes I am not happy with what I 'got' from a meeting - but I know by being there it might have helped someone else and possibly just being sober ad showing up as you are doing is going to help some newcomer/oldtimer.

Love
cathy31
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Tazman53

Keep going back to the meetings, I found that a lot of the old timers did not open up until about the 3rd or 4th time I went back to the same meeting, I have a feeling that they kind of hold back because a lot of folks show up one or 2 times and then never come back. I have a thick skin so I try and let newcomers know I am glad that they are there, there has been more then one time where I stayed well over an hour late talking to a newcomer and then never see them again, the only thing I hope for is that they will remember that someone cared at AA and when they are really ready to quit they will come back to AA ready to work it.

citychick

Thank you CarolD, that explained a lot of what I've been feeling.

Jersey Nonny

I agree with all that has been said...whatever you're doing to help the group is helping you to replace the obsession with positive thoughts, even if it's just for the duration of each meeting. Make a lot of meetings, and the obsessive thoughts will have to lessen.

When you make a phone call, you have no idea but that the person on the other end of the line may be going through a rough time, and your call may be just what they need to get through it; and, for the length of that phone call, you'll be focusing on something other than drinking.

Reaching out to someone with maybe just a few days, compared to your 10 months, is a big step in the right direction:

"Whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to always be there. And, for that I am responsible."