Luckyv2

It seems like this part of me still has a major role in my life even up to today. Being scared of failure in so many areas of my life, and it almost consumes my actions at times. Part of a disease of addiction? I think Not.

I think that it is maybe a natural thing for humans in general but I also think that maybe most "normal" people don't live with it a lot either. I have been learning a few things and yet I am almost afraid to keep learning, does that make any sense?

I feel as if at times that I don't even want to attempt certain things. I feel inadiquate maybe that is it. I feel stupid so much and I know I try to always use the word silly most of the time to try and train my mind into a different outlook on things. But here lately I just feel plain ass stupid.

I guess it goes back to childhood when I wasn't ever very good in school but most of that was because I really didn't apply things either and that goes back that feeling inadequate, not as good as others, different than others, not good enough

Will this part of me ever leave? Do you all have these issues to deal with also and if so how do you handle them? Oh boy here we go......

SaTiT

Fear it still effects me.

you know..I had that impending doom..bascailly fear of not being
good enough (falling) and being punish by a daming god.

it effects me in this way , i more I have, the more i have to loose.

okay..you just think you do.
kind of like I think god dosen't love me or I think I don't beliving in god.
see...it's in my head..my thoughts drive my emotions.

I'm possitive of it...
observe how the brain works..at least for me this is what happens.
I see and image in my head or i get a though..depending on how
much or long I hang on to those thought...There will be a moment
of grace...8 sec. some people say. Then my brain will trigger electricity
in my brain, then a get a sensation (emotions)..depending on
what type of emotions or how strong the electric shock is..lol
I'll react...depending on what types of thoughts I've intertaining
in my mind...sometimes I'll beat up on myself or sometimes I'll get
mad.....Thoughts > emotions > actions/reactions

Being an addict with obessive, complusive personality...I have to be careful.
Well,I know that now..so it helps.
trhough recovery and meditation , I've learned to be still.
bascailly, I've practice to tell my brain to shut the hell up.lol
you know , it's cunning, baffling, and powerful...so i have to be vigilent.
you know posistive thinking.

Or you can chose to peel layers and dig deeper into your mind
and process those thoughts as a more mature adult through the
eyes of a child...you know , the inner child .
PTSD...doing step #4 and 5 is something alone that line..healing.

okay you did do an asset and ablilty list ..yes ?
everybody has a specail skill.
and you did remember your sponsor yanking you from a funk
after doing a list of the things you did wrongs ?
you know...he said to do an assest list

intelligents ?
I can't compair myself to others.
There different types of intelligents.
my gf is like a damn walking dictionary and she can read and
write beautiful bussiness letters or poams.
but she can't add worth a damn...lol

verse me..my damn spelling is all half ass backwards
but i can comprehend music in my sleep and it just comes to me
math and music..makes sense to me.

okay..it's like this alki/addicts are genuise...
well..how in the hell did we get away with all the crap for so long
or do those crazy things if we weren't.
you know...you heard it before....turing a neagtive into a posistive.
or "appropricate"

in recovery we are thought to be simple but brilliant.

if i can figure out what RZ is saying or writting...I think I'm pretty damn smart.
becuase my gf can't figure it out half of the time

scaredykat

I know what you mean about being scared of failure. I'm actually scared of everything in life. I tell people in the meetings that fear is my middle name when that topic comes up. That's why i call myself Scaredykat too.

I felt the same way in school too, I wasn't very good at it. Didn't have a lot of friends and was pick on constantly. That's probably where i lost my self-esteem if i ever had any at all.

My current fear of failure is with my sobriety where I'm new. I'm a week sober latter today. I'm scared of what if i don't make it again. I've actually had a good week this week and feel like my HP is with me again and showing me the way, even though he knows I still have a resentment to work out about him. I'm actually trying to pray to him again. I couldn't a few moths ago.

I probably didn't help you any but wanted to let you know that I relate to what you said.

Barb

CarolD

Hmmm...
I stay mentally positive with prayer and meditation.
God wants me serene and joyous.

I stay away from negative words.
... Stupid...Fear..Shame..Ugly....Hopeless..Failure...

IMO you are only what you perceive yourself to be.
So how to change negative into positive?
Think you can with God's grace.

Rusty Zipper

vic, its the Rat named self-sabotage...

try to use the positive vs negative think'n angle...

look, look at how far you have come, all the peeps you have showed its possible, doable...

stop, reflect... take a look at the whole of reality...

after years of thinking and reacting one way... that emotional rearaingment is stil new to us...

say, beat it rat, the new rebuilt chance is here, and never go'n back...

root'n for you brother!

now, hit the whiners thread... lol