Missymae737

ripped out and thrown away...

I am in a lot of emotional pain and I don't know how to fix it...I am not sure I can fix it...

It is said that it is good to come here when you are struggling and discuss your difficulties...

The only thing I want to talk about is relationships and how painful they can be when newly sober...I feel it is best to end one that I have had longer than I have been sober...RATHER, it is the right thing to do...People are hurt now but if the relationship continues more people will be hurt...Damn, I don't want to hurt anyone..

As far as my sobriety, I am ok. Actually because I have been sober almost three months I feel like I am handling this pretty good.

I JUST don't want to feel this pain. I feel so sad...

Miss W4

I'm so sorry and so glad you are handling this sober.

simplysober

well for starters congrats on the 3 months of sobriety!

im only a month in today- and i can only really say that it has been weird having to face feelings,hurt,anger, all that crap without having alcohol around to numb it all away-

im sorry for whatever you are going thru- relationships can be very hard and i can clearly see you are in alot of pain over it- i dont know about the when its right to end a relationship question- ive been wondering myself about that whole thing-

If you are in so much pain and so upset over this, is it worth it to you and your 3 months progress with sobriety to chance slipping up?
Are you In love with this person> or in need?
(same questions im asking myself)
all i can say is im here to talk anytime, and listen too- i wish i could help you more, i dont know enough about the situation you are dealing with

hang in there
PM me anytime
hugs,
maria

CarolD

Have you made a list of the pro's and con's of this situation?
Do you have a sponsor or mentor?

Prayer helps me immensley too.

Double Hugs

Anna

Missy,

I am sure you know in your heart what is the right thing to do. I'm so happy that you have 3 sober months now and I hope you feel better about this situation. Since I stopped drinking, I have also had to face some things that deeply saddened me. It is hard dealing with 'real' life, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Rowan

Hi Missy,

As you know, I ended a relationship while sober, and it's been very very painful, and I was very sad about it, too.

My sobriety was at risk by staying with him, and ultimately that's why I ended it.

I'm glad you're reaching out and sharing. Please keep doing so. You've come a long way in the last few months.

Row
xoxo

Reubena

Hi,

I don't have any advice for you but sending a cyber hug and positive thoughts your way.

R

AUDRADAVID

Hey Missy. U Are Headed The Right Way. Congrats, Especially With Posting Here, We Will Help Promise!

Aysha

Missy....Great job on your clean time. Just keep your recovery first and dont worry too much about anyone else. I am sure you will do what is right.

Dee74

No advice. I'm crap with this stuff.

just (((Missy)))

D

Missymae737

Hi Maria,
Today I am just more aware of wanting to stay sober no matter what...

Yes,I am in love with him...
Thank you for your support...
I thank everyone as well...

Tazman53

Missy congrats on the 3 months hon. Parts of sobriety are painful because we are feeling emotions today that we used to try and drink away....... but the pain was still there every time our head would clear...... and instead of facing them and dealing with them we drank again.

Once we are sober we start to learn throught the steps and meetings how to live life on lifes terms, we experience the pain and learn that when we are sober the pain slowly passes and things get better. We have a sponsor to lean on for the more intimate problems and the group to lean on as a whole. Rather then facing the world alone with only our life experiences today we can draw on the experience of others who have been through what we are going through now.

Missy hang in there, keep working it, things do get better as we work our program and take advantage of the experience of our sponsors and group.

dave47

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time Missy,congrats on your three months.

SaTiT

congrats on your 3 months.

it's part of the process and your current life situations are
just lessons sent in different forms. On a spirtual level
you did ask for this to happen. Some would say the universe
sends you lessons when you're ready for it.

"You're are exactly where you're supposts to be."
everytime i have problems , especailly in early recovery
that sentance use to drive me up the wall ..that would
be the only thing my sponsor would tell me.lol

What you will gain or learned from this is entirely up to you.
The same lessons gets send to you over and over again
until you grasp it..it might come in different form on the surface.
The answer will also come when you're ready for it.

It's okay to feel what you feel, embrace it and process it.
Same as in fears...embrace it, don't run from it.

it's the same principle as accepting myself as being an alki.
I no longer deny that fact and I would longer deny my pains or emotions.
I don't have to react like I used too.

Nothing i say or do will remove that pain from you.
but hey my GF and i are seperated at the moment...so I'm
in the niegborhood somewhere of processing relationships.
Knowing that you're not alone won't take away the pain
but the process of healing can begin...process my emotions.

On a spiritaul level..A broken heart is an open heart.
i love my gf very much, however I'm needy sometimes
and not a person ,place or things can ever fill or heal that broken heart of mine.
Something might click inside of me...to reach out and seek for a HP.

it is also an opportunity in disguise. It's an opportunity for me to find out
about me. I've lost myself somewhere along the line and forgotten myself.
It's an opportunity for me to learn how to start loving myself.

you need time to heal but time along is not enough.
Evenatually there will come a moment when I get sick and tire of my pains
so I simply will just drop it or let go of it.
How can i get to the piont of letting go or dropping it ?...by processing it.
Since we're in the realm of emotions..I started exploring other emotions.
i have a simple list of emotions and expand my list of my emotions.
i start doing other things to experince and process other emtions.
I started living life and being in the moment..whatever the experinces may be.

you know..as an alki/addict..i was either high or down and nothing in between.
it is also why i can easily be dianose as BI-Polar.
Simply because I never learned how to process my emotions and the varieties
of emotions. Well the 12 steps is also about charector building.
I have to start building my charector at some piont.

or i can choose to numb myself out and make the same mistakes over and over
and try to learn the same lessons over and over again.

well..we all get told or learned that most alcoholic/addicts are emotionally
immature at the very least.

GlassPrisoner

I've got good news and bad news for you.

The good news is, after about 3 months, you get your feelings back.

The bad news is, after about 3 months, you get your feelings back.

Just don't drink, no matter what. And, I know this is cliche (and we hate to hear it when we're in the middle if our "stuff) but this too shall pass.

Hang in there, you'll walk out the other side stronger. And you experience will perobably be able to help another sufferng alcoholic someday.

parentrecovers

be grateful for your sober time and your feelings, missy. and keep reaching out! blessings, k

Missymae737

Hi friends,

I am struggling again today with my feelings of loss, and I REALLY feel like my heart is torn in two. Part of me wants to try again with the BF and part of me feels like I need to move on...

I just feel incredibly sad...

I am going out for a walk and then I am going to call my sponsor...I KNOW I need to make a meeting tonight....

This shall pass but it sure does HURT...

Jersey Nonny

Missymae...I shared on another thread that after two years of sobriety I went into a sudden depression and wound up in counseling. Part of it she explained was because I hadn't mourned the divorce...seems that type of loss can be compared to what we go through when someone actually dies. Here is what I found on-line that may be helpful to you:

A Normal Life Process
At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages Of Grief
1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Rowan

Hi Missy,

It's been three months since I ended my own relationship, and lately I can't stop thinking of him - it's making me crazy, and I'm mourning the loss all over again.
I'm with you - this sure does HURT. I'm not going to get back with him, though.
Being stubborn has it's good points

Hang in there, friend. :ghug3

Missymae737

I have always felt like I needed a significant other in my life and struggled to make a DEAD relationship, marriage work...I played the perfect mate part...

I am just really confused and hurt because I have left someone who treated me just the opposite from what I have lived with, mental abuse, men that were unfaithful, and at my sickest, physical abuse...It seems like men who have addiction issues have also been my safe haven, so I thought...

I am just rambling, feeling like I am not making sense...

I remain strong today in sobriety and that is what is keeping me afloat with all my hurts...

Thanks to all of you...It really feels good to come here and vent...