MaxSky

Hello. I am new to this, I just registered today. I have absolutely no one to talk to about my problem because no one knows about it. I'm currently addicted to pain pills. My favorite is percocet but if I can only get vicoden, then that's fine. I've been trying to get myself off of them for awhile now. I know someone who gets suboxone pills and sells them. I've gotten them from her and they are like a miracle drug until someone else comes along and offers me percocets which I can never say no to. I want more then anything to get the right help. I know what I'm doing is wrong but I'm so scared that if I admit to anyone my drug problem I'll lose my job, my boyfriend (of 5 years) who has no idea and my family would absolutely die.

About a week ago my heart has started doing this thing where I get this deep thump, so much I feel it and notice it every single time and it happens at least every two minutes... sometimes more. Has anyone addicted to pain pills ever had this? I'm scared but I dont want to ask my doctor but I'm about to have foot surgery and I'm afraid if I tell them what's going on in my life then they wont perform the surgery and then everyone will find out about my addiction. I am so screwed up. I have so many issues going on right now... I'm so confused all I want is someone to talk to about this who can help me get through everything.

Octoman

Hi MaxSky and welcome to SR.
We are not medical experts here so I'm afraid I cant help with your heartbeat question. What I would advise though is that if you have any doubt about your health and you recognise you have a problem (and by coming on here you have made a great first step in recognising it) then you should speak to your doctor and get advice. Particularly if you are facing surgery of some variety. As far as dealing with your addiction you will find a lot of support and advice on that. Addiction is the one thing we are all experts on!

Seriously though, speak to your doctor about your concerns. The heartbeat thing will likely turon out to be nothing too concerning. Strangely I had a similar thing once - the occasional deep thump of a heartbeat that really smashed against my chest. Often when I was sleeping. When I spoke to the doctor it tuned out to be totally normal. Sometimes a heart misses a beat so when it beats the next time it is so full it can actually be felt!

Anyway, good luck and keep posting to let us know how you get on

Afraid2Succeed

Isolation is really self-defeating and one of the hallmarks of addiction. It can be really liberating to admit that we need help to overcome difficulties. *stepping off soapbox*

I think your foot problem is secondary to heart problems. I'd rather have no feet and still be alive. Also, anxiety could also be to blame for your heart ailments. People who experience panic attacks often feel like they're having heart attacks. I would go to the doctor and follow their advice. Maybe one of your bi-valves is ajar..? Find out, youre worth it!

Take care of yourself and thanks for posting.
Best,
Dave

Anna

Hi MaxSky,

Welcome!

I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I can sure relate to the feelings of anxiety you are feeling. When I was at my lowest, I didn't know which way to turn.

Do talk to your dr and get the help you need. And, keep reading and posting. There is lots of information here.

bval

Welcome, my fellow junkie. You are in the right place.

Here is my best advice to you, having been through a very serious oxycodone addiction myself. This is based on the totality of your situation:

1) Get your heart checked out - I'll leave it to you to decide whether to tell the doctor you see about your pain pill addiction. In all likelihood, they're gonna take your blood and find narcotics in it anyways, and so if the drugs are affecting the situation, they'll say something to you about it when they give you their analysis. To the very best of my own personally gathered, purely anecdotal knowledge (not a substitute for proper medical advice, of course) narcotics are not harmful to the heart, and I would be surprised if the two issues are related.

2) When you go in for surgery (they will probably talk to you a day or two beforehand, actually, and that's good), you should DEFINITELY tell the intake person that you are on pain killers. OBVIOUSLY it's not REMOTELY uncommon for people who are going in for surgery to be ON painkillers. They will likely ask you how much you are taking, for sure you SHOULD be 100% honest (unless, of course, your life means little to you ...)

The likelihood that they're gonna be all nosy and/or checking with your regular doctor about what you are prescribed is IMHO extremely low, but the doctors who are doing the surgery (in particular the anesthesiologist) MUST KNOW what you are taking. Having 'everyone find out' due to this reality is a risk you must take, albeit, as I say, a relatively unlikely one.

3. Find yourself a doctor (there are lists online) who prescribes buprenorphine once you get out of the hospital, tell them all about your problem, and do what they tell you to do. If it will make you feel better, PAY CASH for your visits and your meds, that way the insurance company nor your job can ever find out. Fact is, it's illegal for the insurance company to let your job know ANYTHING about your health, but I myself worried about that for a long time and paid cash myself, so I understand the fear.

4) Once you are on a regular regimen of Bupe (subutex/suboxone) you are going to find the percocets aren't really going to do a DAMN THING anymore, and that you generally speaking feel just fine everyday, in fact, it's gonna be SUCH a relief to be off the short-acting opiate roller-coaster that you soon aren't really going to want to f**k with it anymore. The key is to tough out the first few rough days of being on bupe (and ONLY bupe, no matter WHAT) and getting 'stabilized'.

But of course, ask your doctor about everything, and don't just take my word for it...