Does anyone else feel...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
By the way, to answer your first question, OF COURSE, and let me add NO that doesn't sound ridiculous at ALL. It's very normal, we ALL went through that phase, and we ALL at least occasionally (I don't care WHAT anyone else tries to tell me on this board) desperately wish we could just get high/drunk again.
The nice thing though is that those feelings come less and less over time as we stay sober, and those who are successful (by definition) are the one's who learn how NOT to, even though we may on occasion WANT to. And guess what? The tools of how NOT to are freely available to everyone who wants them enough to learn them and put them to use - within the fellowship of AA/NA, to give one example, but there are other places to learn them ...
I can pretty much guarantee that your main problem at this point is that you still have a lot to learn about "how to stay sober". You can't expect yourself to understand HOW you're going to do it at this point, cause you don't really even know what TO DO (nor all the things you should NOT do) yet.
LIkewise, I can also almost guarantee that you CAN DO IT if you'll commit to a solid recovery program and put to use what they teach you.
Living sober is about a WHOLE LOT MORE than quitting drinking/drugging, and it looks like you're at the 'what now' phase yet somehow expecting that you should just 'know' what you are to do next. My best advice is to continue attending AA, buy/read the Big Book, get/read Living Sober (available free at your meetings), find yourself a sponsor, work the steps with her, etc. If you can't bring yourself to do the last two, at least go to a meeting every day, and just sit there and LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE who know more about living sober than you do. It's all about gaining wisdom, new ways of thinking, etc. In short, you need new TOOLS from the one(s) you've been using. Once you have them, things are going to seem a lot more clear and manageable.
By the way, I started smoking again due to the people outside the rooms, this was when I got sober the first time about 5 years back, and I've never really even tried to quit since. Being that you quit smoking first, I don't recommend going back to smoking now. BUT ... I think it's pretty crazy when people try to quit smoking at the same time they are getting sober. That's just me. When I was kicking dope ... my smokes felt like the only thing that kept me from losing my friggin mind. Yes, they are bad for you. But compared to a massive opiate habit ... hell, I don't even sweat myself for this one vice. At least not for now. I'll quit when I'm ready, it's not like it's f***ing up my life. I still need that one habit to give me something to look forward to during the course of the day. But again, please ... I'm not saying you should start again, not when you've got three months without it...
The nice thing though is that those feelings come less and less over time as we stay sober, and those who are successful (by definition) are the one's who learn how NOT to, even though we may on occasion WANT to. And guess what? The tools of how NOT to are freely available to everyone who wants them enough to learn them and put them to use - within the fellowship of AA/NA, to give one example, but there are other places to learn them ...
I can pretty much guarantee that your main problem at this point is that you still have a lot to learn about "how to stay sober". You can't expect yourself to understand HOW you're going to do it at this point, cause you don't really even know what TO DO (nor all the things you should NOT do) yet.
LIkewise, I can also almost guarantee that you CAN DO IT if you'll commit to a solid recovery program and put to use what they teach you.
Living sober is about a WHOLE LOT MORE than quitting drinking/drugging, and it looks like you're at the 'what now' phase yet somehow expecting that you should just 'know' what you are to do next. My best advice is to continue attending AA, buy/read the Big Book, get/read Living Sober (available free at your meetings), find yourself a sponsor, work the steps with her, etc. If you can't bring yourself to do the last two, at least go to a meeting every day, and just sit there and LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE who know more about living sober than you do. It's all about gaining wisdom, new ways of thinking, etc. In short, you need new TOOLS from the one(s) you've been using. Once you have them, things are going to seem a lot more clear and manageable.
By the way, I started smoking again due to the people outside the rooms, this was when I got sober the first time about 5 years back, and I've never really even tried to quit since. Being that you quit smoking first, I don't recommend going back to smoking now. BUT ... I think it's pretty crazy when people try to quit smoking at the same time they are getting sober. That's just me. When I was kicking dope ... my smokes felt like the only thing that kept me from losing my friggin mind. Yes, they are bad for you. But compared to a massive opiate habit ... hell, I don't even sweat myself for this one vice. At least not for now. I'll quit when I'm ready, it's not like it's f***ing up my life. I still need that one habit to give me something to look forward to during the course of the day. But again, please ... I'm not saying you should start again, not when you've got three months without it...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Humbling
Once again, I'm in awe of the power of SR to bring us together and help us share during our most confused moments. Thank you all on this valuable thread who have dug down deep inside yourselves to share your experiences. It is almost impossible to sort out all that we feel when we start down the road to sober living. Drinking ceased to be fun for me long ago, yet still I persisted in trying to enhance my life by anesthetizing myself. It's true, you aren't really living your life while smashed, you're just going through the motions. We are literally learning to live again. Our emotional growth has been stunted by booze. (I feel that I'm in a mild state of shock.) I'm learning to appreciate sights, sounds & smells from my childhood that I haven't paid any attention to in years. It truly is like coming out of the fog into the bright & shining sun - but that sun sure does hurt your eyes at first, almost makes you wince & want to run back into the fog.....
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
You've said a lot of good things above...BUT...I can't disagree with you more on this bit!
I'm so grateful to AA and my Higher Power to be able to say I don't desperately wish for anything...I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have a relationship, I don't have control over my income, I don't have the ability to take care of myself anymore, I don't get around without the walker or wheelchair...life is what it is, and I'd better learn to accept the things I cannot change, or be miserable in the process.
What I do have is a clear, intelligent mind...I can still make my own decisions, still enjoy making acquaintances on-line, still enjoy reality tv, still hear the birds chirping and feel the sun and the breeze in my face. Would I change any part of my life if I could? Sure...but not today...and not with alcohol/drugs.
we ALL at least occasionally (I don't care WHAT anyone else tries to tell me on this board) desperately wish we could just get high/drunk again.
What I do have is a clear, intelligent mind...I can still make my own decisions, still enjoy making acquaintances on-line, still enjoy reality tv, still hear the birds chirping and feel the sun and the breeze in my face. Would I change any part of my life if I could? Sure...but not today...and not with alcohol/drugs.
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