Jomey

Well, guys, I made it through my first AA meeting! At this point, that is all I can really say... there is a lot for me to process and I feel like a bit of a failure because the meeting was one long panic attack. Just wave after wave of panic washed over me, a lot of what everyone said is sort of muddled in my head (it was a closed discussion meeting), and I am completely wiped out emotionally. Taz, I did not take your advice to stay and chat afterwards either, I turned tail and ran. I'm bummed. Now that I am home, I wonder what was so terrifying about the whole thing. Of course, the answer is nothing. However, that is the nature of panic attacks, so I am not going to waste too much time analyzing it.

Despite my topsy-turvy night, I still feel positive about AA. When my head wasn't swimming, it looked like a lot of the people were smiling, most people seemed happy to be there and happy to be together. I am definitely going back. There is a daytime meeting that is close enough to walk to, so I may try that one when the kids go back to school. Something about walking when the weather is nice always seems to calm me down.

Anyway, thanks for all the encouragement to get out there and "just do it" - my AA experiences can only go uphill from here and the best part is...my thoughts are...Yeah, i did it, not the way I wanted to, but I did it. I outlasted the panic attacks and made it. Yeah, I want to cry, I'm a little frustrated with myself, I'm exhausted....BUT I AM SOBER!!! AND I AM STAYING THAT WAY!!!

That's the end of day 17 for me...I am going to bed, with a lot to think about with my happily SOBER mind! Thanks guys!!! Hugs, Jomey

Anna

Hi Jomey,

Good for you on 17 days sober!

I'm glad your meeting went well. I know how hard it is to deal with those anxious/panicky feelings! Walking works wonders for me too - it's one of the best ways of de-stressing that I have found.

Rowan

Jomey, I'm proud of you for getting to that meeting and sitting through it despite your discomfort. I'm sure it was an overwhelming experience, so don't be too hard on yourself for not sticking around afterwards. That's hard! You're open to going back, and that's the main thing. Thanks for letting us know how it went.

Rowan

OnRecoveryRoad

Congratulations! I remember the anxiety you felt as well at my first meeting. But felt better at the second and so on. Keep going. You'll really enjoy them as you listen to what people share. You will find out that you are in great company with people who understand you without judging you. Welcome home!

stone

You have courage and determination and a positive attitude Jomey, cant get any better than that! Keep us posted please.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Jomey,

I'm so glad that you went. Stone is right...I admire your strength!

Karen

scaredykat

I'm so happy that you went Jomey.

It will get easier and easier the more you go.

By the way, i just finished up Day 18.

Barb

CarolD

Super!

citychick

Jomey your experience sounds a lot like mine. Don't pick up one day at a time, and 'it just keeps getting better and better'.

barb dwyer

Jomey -

Thank you for the update - i was wondering - and thank you for sticking it out! Like Rowan said, don't be too hard on yourself about not sticking around - I often don't either ... you DID it! So many -haven't the courage to GET to that first meeting. now you've been.
I'm proud of your determination to go back, as well. Each one gets easier, and you're already showing the commitment needed to get your life back in control and liveable.

Thanks again! Good job!!!!

Hope

That is awesome!

Jomey

Good morning everyone - I realize it might not be morning where everyone is reading, but I really wanted to say that it is a GOOD morning here - esp. after reading all the encouraging words. I posted on another thread about how hard it was for me to accept compliments and praise of any kind when I was drinking and it feels so good to say "Thank you" as a sober person and mean it. Before I was always thinking, "this person wouldn't think quite so highly of me if she knew I was a drunk, now would she?". You guys know I am a recovering drunk and you say it anyway!! So, THANK YOU!

Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my recovery family. I thought and prayed and asked my HP (picked up at least that much of the "lingo" last night )for the courage to go forward with AA and be able to relax there so I can get more out of it. I know, deep down inside somewhere, that I will eventually get the courage I need. In the meantime, while I am attending meetings as a panic stricken person, you guys are really my recovery family and I am very grateful. More grateful than I can say.

We are leaving in a few hours to go camping for the long weekend. Drinking by the campfire was always a big thing for me. We are not taking any alcohol along, of course, but I am not going to be unrealistic and say no way will I have any cravings, so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks again for everything!! Jomey

stone

I am sending some positive vibes Jomey!

Aysha

Wow..That is great....Boy..I have been trying to get the courage to go for awhile now. So I admire you for going ..Great job!!

Tazman53

Jomey I am sitting here with a grin on my face as I type this.

Hold your head high, you have taken that first step in a journey to real sobriety, keep it in the day hon, the past is the past and can not be chaged so there is no need to try and live in it, the only thing you can do to effect tomorrow is to live life in today.

One day at a time is the big secret that is so obvious. We say in the rooms at the end of every meeting in my area "Keep coming back, it works if you work it!". The key is to work it, one day at a time.

Have a great time camping, if the urge to drink hits find a nice quiet spot and just pray and meditate, keep in mind that this too chall pass, the longer you are sober the shorter amount of time you will find your self fighting the cravings & urges to drink.

For me due to working & living the steps of AA I can honestly say that the urge/need to drink has been lifted from me, today if I do think of a drink it is but a fleeting thought.

Jomey

Thanks Stone - I will be counting on those good vibes this weekend.

Chiynita - If I can do it, any one can!! And I don't say that lightly, just because I did make it to a meeting. I say that with great sincerity. I am starting Day 18 sober today, and if you would have told me even 19 days ago that I was going to stop drinking and go to an AA meeting, I would have laughed in your face and poured another drink. Grace and love and light are flowing all around us, 'Nita, and all you have to do is reach out and accept it. I found that out over the past three or four days here on this board, and I came away from AA with that impression ( next time I won't be so scared and I will absorb more). You can make a meeting!!!

Taz - I'm crying again!!! Thanks for everything...all the info. you gave me in your posts got my butt into that meeting and kept it there! I can picture the little spot by the creek in our beautiful green forest where I am going to sit to read my Bible and say my prayers tonight. It is going to be awesome to be sober! You have given me so much courage and you always seem to anticipate my next question before I even have to ask it...today I was thinking about cravings and if they lessen over time and then there is your post "the longer you are sober the shorter amount of time you will find yourself fighting the cravings & urges to drink". THANK YOU!

Hope you all have a good eekend and feel my prayers - they will be abundant for you all! Hugs, Jomey

parentrecovers

really happy you made that meeting, jomey! hugs, k