Jomey

First, I have to say I have spent the last hour reading through threads on these boards and I am so grateful to have found them...I feel better already just for reading.

I am starting Day 14 without alcohol. I drank everyday, during the evening, mostly to self-medicate anxiety. I do not have any craving for alcohol at all.

I have not had really bad physical withdrawals...I am sleeping about 6 hours a night, but sleeping lightly and restlessly. I have been having some sugar cravings and blood sugar swings, but they seem to be lessening. Is it ok to eat something sweet when I feel like my blood sugar is nose diving, or is that just going to prolong the cravings?

What I am is scared. These past two weeks of having my eyes and emotions wide open have been like a whirlwind of fear, anxiety, guilt, and pain. I have to face that I may have injured my body (still too scared to make a doctor's appointment - working up to that) and I have to deal with the anxiety I have without hiding behind drinking.

I have an appointment to talk to my pastor on Wednesday when my kids go back to school. I am hoping he can help counsel me on the anxiety (I would prefer if possible to avoid any anti- anxiety meds. - I have an overwhelming urge to be "completely clean").

I just am overwhelmed by emotion of looking back at wasted time and also looking forward to a future without alcohol.

What I really need is reassurance that I can beat these feelings and that the sleeplessness and anxiety and blood sugar stuff with stablize if I keep going. I am eating pretty well and excercising as much as possible (recovering from a broken foot - seven weeks out from the injury).

Thanks for listening - sorry this is so long. I have held these feelings in for years and it feels great to let them out. Jomey

Dee74

Hi Jomey.
short answer - yes, every thing gets better
and chocolate is your friend..

LOL it helped with my cravings anyway

welcome !
D

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, jomey. keep posting, and congrats on your sober time. be grateful for your feelings, and just take it one day at a time.

hugs out, k

(that's great that you are reaching out to your pastor. have you thought at all about attending aa?)

Jomey

Hi D & K - Thanks for the quick replies and the welcome! I know I am over-emotional about everything, but your welcome and congratulations on my sober time has me in tears. I just can't believe I am FINALLY making this change and people don't think I am some terrible, hopeless person. It really means alot.

K, I have thought about AA. I am a very socially anxious person - I have lived in the same small city for the most of my life, and I am still scared if I have to go somewhere new. Like, if I have to go somewhere I have never been before, I have to drive by before my time to be there, just to make sure I know exactly where I am going. I am not comfortable in groups of people I don't know at all, either. So while the idea of AA appeals to me, I think I am going to try to work on the anxiety a bit first before I attempt a meeting.

Right now, I am not experiencing any cravings for alcohol, but I think if I do, I would force myself to AA right away! I can NOT go back to my old ways!!!

I am reading a book about recovering without AA simply because I am too anxious to consider a meeting, and I really am hoping for a lot of support from people like you.

Thanks again! Jomey

parentrecovers

well, keep posting! hugs, k

Rowan

Hi Jomey,

Welcome to our recovery family - we are glad you're here with us!

Here is a link to check out: http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
it contains information about post-acute withdrawal symptoms. You may find yourself experiencing many of them!

Jomey, recovery is hard work, but it's well worth it. Try your best to stay in today, and try to have a plan in place for when you experience those feelings or situations where you may want to drink.

Please keep reading and posting. Others will be along to welcome you very soon.

Rowan

Tazman53

Jomey after reading that book check out this one one line, maybe read the personal storie of recovery first and see if you do not find a story similar to yours there.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

I drank for 40 years, in the end I had to drink, there was no choice, I had to. I went to detox and then straight into AA. I am not saying AA is not the only way, it's not, but it worked for me and more other alcoholic then all other programs in history combined.

For me what helped more then anything in the beginning was sitting down in a room with people who knew exactly how scared I was to be there and just how lost I felt, to quote you "my eyes and emotions wide open have been like a whirlwind of fear, anxiety, guilt, and pain." They knew all of that! They had been there and learned how to get through that with the help of others.

What was best of all is they were glad I was there and were willing to share with me how they had got and stayed sober one day at a time.

Jomey I hope I am not making a stupid assumption but if you are a lady many areas have "Ladies" meetings which can make that first meeting a lot easier.

Why not call the AA hot line in your area and just talk to someone about meetings, heck they may be able to arrange for you to meet some one there.

stone

Hi and welcome Jomey!

Missymae737

Hi Jomey,

It is good to see you here...Keep posting, we are glad you found us...

AA meetings has certainly helped this drunk. Maybe they can be a source of comfort to you.

I heard this saying the other day...

What are the meetings you should go to?

"The meetings you want to attend, and the meetings you don't want to attend."

Emimily

hi jomey...

welcome! i'm glad you're here...

y'know, when i got sober, i was too scared to say anything at an AA meeting. i would sweat so much from nerves that i wouldn't be able to raise my hand. i would smile, then look at the floor. for a long time i would only go to a meeting if my mom went with me (she's in recovery as well).

i hope you check out the big book of AA. if i knew you, or lived close, i would read the promises with you, as well as how it works and bill's story. AA not only saved my life, but helped me shape one worth saving.

in the meantime, i hope you take such good care of yourself. i read on here once about a guy who quit drinking, and instead of beer cans on his truck floor he had blizzard cups.

be safe. hope to hear more from you...

Anna

Hi Jomey,

It sounds like you're doing well!

Dealing with the real emotions of everyday life is overwhelming when we've been medicating them away for a long time. But, each day will get easier. Just stick with it and move forward. I'm glad you're seeking help.

Jomey

Hi everyone - Thank you SO much for all your replies! I am overcome that so many people would be willing to reach out to a stranger - esp. one who feels so much like a failure right now because of so much time lost to drinking...hmm, Taz and Missymae...I get the feeling that is what you are trying to explain to me about AA...that people around who understand where I am right now is a comfort, not a threatening, anxiety-producing situation. Although, I think I will be like Emimily and be a nervous wreck when I go! (I can't believe how much the comfort I have received here has changed my thoughts on AA). I think deep down I was looking at going to AA throught my "anxiety goggles" but also as though, I don't know, that people there would be expecting me to "do something" (vague thought) that I wouldn't know how to do...hard to explain, but if people at AA meetings are as welcoming as yall were... I think I could do it. (esp. if someone could meet me - thanks for the suggestion Taz!)

I think the earliest I could attend a meeting would be Wednesday...do you think it would be useful to get a copy of and start reading the Big Book ahead of time? Could someone explain more about it? I have heard of it, but that's it!

Thanks again for everything! Company at the door - more later! Hugs, Jomey

stone

Anxiety goggles! I have a pair!

I am glad you are considering AA, it has helped me hugely. The people there will be welcoming and nothing is expected of you, its a good idea to let people know its your first meeting too.

Here is a link of what to expect at your first meeting.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

CarolD

Welcome and Hello...

In early sobriety I followed an eating plan for hypoglycemia
with great results.

Blessings

Jhana

Hi Jomey,

Welcome here. As CarolD said above (in another post) it takes about 3 months for all the anxiety and depression (caused by alcoholism) to disappear. Self-esteem returns (probably a big part of it).

I have lived in NYC and a small town in upstate NY and can truly say that AA offers a community of other afflicted people-a HUGE help in the beginning. After that whether you become a lifelong AAer or chose to depart for other means of help (SMARTrecovery.org) comes to mind, what AA will show you is how NOT ALONE you are with this.

If you see someone you know, don't hesitate to go talk to them; no one really goes to AA unless they are dealing with this problem.

That said, you are already two weeks into this (brava!) and the cravings do disappear at about that time. However, don't think they are gone forever-you need to put plans into place. It is a devil that loves the hubris of thinking it has been conquered.

Hugs, Jhana

Jomey

Thanks again everyone...you have given me so much to think about in just one day...I am a little fried...the emotions I am feeling are amazing. I will say a prayer for each and every one of you this evening...I am so relieved by your welcome here - it makes it feel more "real" - so far I have only shared my recovery with my husband -I look forward -anxiously - to seeing my pastor on Wed. and considering AA. It sounds wonderful...need to work on my courage. But yall have given me so much hope in one day, I have a feeling a little more courage is right around the corner.

Jhana, thanks for reminding me I need a plan in place to stay sober... I agree. Everyday brings more to think about...I'll look forward to reading and posting more in the morning.

Thanks again! Hugs, J

Jomey

Good morning, everybody! Ahhh! Jhana, you may qualify as a prophet!!! I had a really strange experience last night, and it highlighted all too clearly about having a "stay sober" plan.

The first week of my sober time was spent on vacation with my family. We don't have a lot of extra money, and this was the first time we took a "big" trip with our kids, so I decided I was going to be sober and enjoy it (and remember it!) Even though travelling by car with young ones is a bit stressful, vacation was an easy way for me to begin sobriety.

Then we had a week at home - still summertime, no hassles, etc.

Now, last night. Kids are getting restless about going back to school, they are a little edgy, husband was late getting home from work, tons of wash by the laundry room door, messy house, need to dig out school uniforms, pack lunches, knapsacks, etc. All minor stresses, but ones that didn't even register on the radar after 2 or 3 drinks...I would have lots of energy in the evening for all this stuff, and drinking gave me a mellow, anti-stress type feeling.

Imagine my surprise when I attempted this sober for the first time! EEK! BUT I DID STAY SOBER!!!!!!!!!! However, it was a very clear cut situation about how I will need more than willpower to stay sober.

One minute I found myself thinking, before I could stop myself, "I'll get all this done and then just have one drink!" Alarm bells go off in my head and I replace that thought with "No way - I'll just get this done and then let my husband play with the kids and I'll go lay down for 15 minutes. I want to be sober, I want to write in my journal and post tomorrow that I am on day 15, not day 1!" But, like I said, these were little tiny stressors, who knows what I would do with "real" stress?! I need to figure that out before it happens...Lots to learn!

Sorry if I am posting "books" here, it just helps so much to be able to get it all out to people who understand. I am soooo nervous about going to see my pastor tomorrow...after I achieve that, I am going to tackle the AA issue.

Thanks everyone for listening and helping. Hugs, Jomey

Jhana

Hi Jomey,

If it is any help, I am going to my first AA meeting (in the new town to which I have moved). I am not a big AAer, (although I have been to 100s of meetings) but the very first thing you should hear (if you choose to go) is that "There is no requirement for membership other than a desire to stop drinking". Latch onto that.

It is the central truth of AA, however you will hear many views ranging from the wildly conservative to the very liberal. Sounds like life, doesn't it? And it is, except you are in a room full of people who share only one thing amongst them all: they suffer with this addiction. Community with my people is what I seek in these face to face experiences.

Jomey

Hi Jhana - Thanks for the post...yes, absolutely everything that everyone is telling me here helps! I feel like a dry little sponge...there is so much to soak up...and a dry, brittle person is exactly what I felt like drinking made me...and soaking up the "water of life", all the lovely, enriching, and even pain in the butt stuff going on around me is what I want to experience, not just go through the motions.

I am a nervous wreck about going to AA. I don't do well in new situations, and anxiety is part of what brought me to drinking, and it was THE coping mechanism, so I feel in ways like a little child, trying to learn how to do things for the first time. I am determined however, to do whatever it takes to stay sober, no matter how hard it is.

Since I am not getting enough sleep at this point, I can't say I have had that "pink cloud" effect in my life, but I still feel essentially good about myself and my life for the first time in as long as I can remember. I NEED to keep that going, no matter how hard it is.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. Good luck at your meeting tonight. I will be looking forward to hearing how it goes! Jomey