Jules62

Thank you Liz.Yes-I've suffered from depression-was on medication for it a few years ago but stopped.I'm wondering if I need to go back though these days.I'm not sure yet.I'm not ashamed to-just want to see if I can work this out without that just yet.But I'm open to it.My pride isn't quite that bad(yet-LOL.I am known for this!)

Thank you for being here.I do appreciate it.

Anna-that's a good suggestion.Thank you also for letting me know I'm not alone in these feelings.I have tended to ignore my anger-or bury it-and neither works.I am so aware today I need to address it and find ways to deal with it that are healthy rather than destructive.I tend to turn it inwards.I need to find another way I know.

My instincts today have been to run away-but I know that won't help.There's such a difference between taking time out and escaping.I'm holding on right now.Not drinking-wanting to-but clinging to the fact it won't make me feel better.

I hope I can do this.

Julesxox

Pilgrim

Awww. Jules. I was at work all day and only just managed to get some time to check out the site. I am sorry you have been having a rough time sweetie.

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I feel like dying would be the only way to get a rest.

I did my step 7 last night. I shut my door. I told my children I had to have some privacy. I let them put themselves to bed (thank goodness they are old enough although my autistic son is always a worry). I needed an hour. I needed it so I could stay alive and be a Mum. It has made a big difference.

I couldn't do it alone Jules. I needed to connect to someone who understood and cared. I need my HP and my programme. I feel like all those burdens just weren't there today. And I didn't want to drink because I wasn't resentful any more.

At least it isn't raining huh????? huh??? Watch it - that fire danger will creep up.

((((((((((((Jules))))))))))

parentrecovers

support and hugs, jules. i like the idea above of getting a counselor. it really helps me. blessings, k

stone

I know that feeling!

I just wanted to give you a hug (((((((Jules)))))

Dee74

hope you're feeling better today Jules


D

Jules62

Thank you Steph, k, stone and D

Steph-I really do understand about connecting spiritually being important these days.I seem to have lost touch so much with my spirituality when I was drinking and it's only been recently that I've recognised how much I need that back.It always gave me a better perspective on my life.Thanks for the reminder-and for thinking of me

I didn't wake up under a cloud this morning thank God and feel a bit more hopeful.Writing here yesterday really helped and I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment-thank you so much.I have another day sober-even though it was a tough one-due to your support.It means so much to me.

Love to you all,

Jules xox

angie9

Hey jules hows it going. I had a terrible day yesterday and DID drink. DH rand affinatea ( menatl health) as I lost it :0( the good news is Im back with cads and maybe in time will go to a AA meeting. Today I feel lost scared and bloody angry and sick to death of fighting me Ive had it!!! I think what tipped me over the edge was DH is not happy in his job and Nia ( A wee girl that was murdered) just broke my heart. It is my OWN fault noone shoved a bottle down my throat it was all my doing and Im confused to hell why Im doing this I have no idea who I am at the moment Im not much of a mother house is a tip .....im tired

Jules62

Hey ang sweetie,

The whole Nia thing broke my heart too.

Ang-you're doing the best you can.Being a mother is tiring and you've been fighting this addiction for a while now.I know you CAN do this.You've proven it.You relapsed-well-so have I at times-but I'm still trying too.I'm also very unsure about who this new me is as well and very scared sometimes too.

We can do this-but not alone.I'm really glad you're going to get to a meeting and I hope it helps you.Just know I'm here too and so understand what you're feeling.You ARE a good mum-you've just had a hard time recently.

Sending you much love,

Jules xox

Dee74

Ang let's not forget this is a disease, hon...sometimes it can be standing there waiting ready to pounce on you at your most vulnerable.

We just have to have the strategy in place to stop that if we can.

For me it's knowing I'll go back to being someone who has to drink when he wakes up, plus I'll lose all I've gained these last 4 months. I *can't* do that - so I don't listen to the voice that says drinking will help me cope or make me forget, cos I know it's BS.

You just have to find your own way of beating the voice - but you're not alone

D

angie9

hi jules what gets me is I HAPPEIR sober so wtf is going on so yeah yesterday bought two bottles of wine drank them both found one bottle cant find the other I turn into a real sneak when im p**sed !! its like the oppersite to my peronality comes out :0( also Ive bought sh*T on trademe yesterday while "under the inffluence" *sigh* have you joined trademe? I must confess I absolutly love it

Jules62

Hey ang-I stay away from trademe because I could spend way too much money there-LOL

Why do we do it?Because we're addicts hon.It's that simple and that complicated.and it seems to me that once I get to a point where I really am feeling good about being sober-my alkie voice kicks in and tries to tempt me back.It can be a real battle some days.

You will get there though.You've been so strong in the past and I know you will again.

Love, Jules xox

Anna

Jules, just knowing the alkie voice and being able to recognize it are huge steps. I just tell it to get lost and carry on. Some days, I have to say that a lot, but it helps.

angie9

what scares me as I self annalise myself Is here I am feeling guilt coz I relented The nurse at affinatea says Im majorly depressed YUP and maybe I wanted to go back to what I was familiar with even tho its not good. I know I can go for awhile without alcohol so Im feeling a "bit" better I spose as I know even tho Im still a alkie that I can go a day three four five six seven without booze hopefully soon it will be one,two three years and Ill be sober. Thankyou and I just want everyone to know Im not looking for symperty just friendship as I know you all here know what my battle is like
Ang

Jules62

Thanks Anna.Yeah-it's a cunning voice-but I'm glad I can recognise it most of the time now.

Ang-pick up your pm sweetie!

IO Storm

Hey Julsie!

It gave me strength to share with you on this thread..I confronted the

signicant other (in love) yesterday..and I was surprised.

He said he understood..and he was afraid too..

The neat thing is..he said not to worry..what happens would not be my

fault as I've tried to hold things together.

Communicating won't solve our problems..we still have the situation...

but my heart is much lighter today...

And thanks for letting me ramble on your thread!



Sherry

Jules62

((Sherry))

You inspire me with your honesty.I want you to ramble as much as you can!

I'm glad sharing with your SO went so well.It really helps me to hear that.

Much love to you darlin,I'm so glad you're feeling better,

Jules xox

Dee74

Ang

anytime you need a mate, you can always PM me ok ?

D

IO Storm

Thankie Jules..

Just following simple suggestions here...

IO Storm

We alkies/codies think..


I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angie9

Thanks Dee thanks for being so kind :0)
Jules rang me lovely lady :0) Ive perked up a bit I think I have to understand me more so I can workout how I can control my addiction. Im hoping the threrapist next week can help with medication etc