So CONFUSED...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Minneapolis,Mn.
Posts: 52
So CONFUSED...
After doing about 80 meetings in 65 days, I've been doing some controlled drinking for the past week or so. I still go to meetings but haven't shared this with anyone. I feel that AA'ers will say you are either with us or not. Still get stuff from the meetings but am contemplating if I'm a REAL alcoholic or not. Feels like I'm back where I started. This whole alcohol thing is so CONFUSING to me right now. I know I have to answer this to myself,but, has anyone else been where I'm at?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: www.ericwhitfieldart.com
Posts: 114
yep. Been where you're at, my friend. It's a confusing and scary place to be. I'm sorry you are struggling. When I questioned my status as an alcoholic....I accpeted and respected the fact that..MAYBE I CAN drink in moderation...after all, we cannot predict the future. Once I accepted that fact, the uncertainty stopped having power over me...of course the opposite is also true - maybe I CANNOT drink in moderation. That is where I took back my power. It was then up to me to decide....is it worth the risk? My answer has always been "NO!" I hope this is helpful. I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: spokane, wa
Posts: 83
Hi Confused
Yes, Iwas where you are now. It may have been 25 years ago, but I was there. Tking that first step (I am actually not a 12 atepper myself but that first step is pretty essential regardless of what recovery route you choose) in admitting and accepting that you are powerless over alcohol is a huge step.
I was a teenager when I first went to an AA meeting. I was also confused as to whether I was really an alcoholic. I started using again in what I thought was moderation and by the time I was twenty I knew I was an alcoholic.
Maybe you should try asking yourself why you attend AA. Perhaps you know the answer already. It is extremely scary to take that first step. It's like once you do, you have to account to yourself for your actions. That was the hardest for me. It has caused me much guilt in my life.
All I am saying is that if you think you have a problem, there might be something to it. I hope you find your answers. Look into yourself.
Karen
Yes, Iwas where you are now. It may have been 25 years ago, but I was there. Tking that first step (I am actually not a 12 atepper myself but that first step is pretty essential regardless of what recovery route you choose) in admitting and accepting that you are powerless over alcohol is a huge step.
I was a teenager when I first went to an AA meeting. I was also confused as to whether I was really an alcoholic. I started using again in what I thought was moderation and by the time I was twenty I knew I was an alcoholic.
Maybe you should try asking yourself why you attend AA. Perhaps you know the answer already. It is extremely scary to take that first step. It's like once you do, you have to account to yourself for your actions. That was the hardest for me. It has caused me much guilt in my life.
All I am saying is that if you think you have a problem, there might be something to it. I hope you find your answers. Look into yourself.
Karen
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Originally Posted by cofusedindenver 
Still get stuff from the meetings but am contemplating if I'm a REAL alcoholic or not.
1. I know I'm a pickle and can never be a cucumber again.
2. I don't wake up every morning and feel that my life is so good that I'll top it off with an AA meeting.
Somehow I don't think I would've stuck around for 80 meetings if I didn't know that I was an alcoholic. Please stick around, we want you to have the life that we have.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: los angeles, CA
Posts: 65
I was asking myself the exact same question a couple of years ago after I was fairly easily quit drinking for 3 months, "Am I really an Alcoholic?". I thought I could simply CONTROL my drinking and the problem would be solved. I wasn't going to AA at the time or anything and I'm still not going one a regular basis but there was on difference. I wasn't ready to fully 100% admit I was an Alcoholic because that would mean I could NEVER drink agian.
So off I went and tried the MODERATION thing. I was fine for a little while, after all, I had managed to quit fairly easily withought help from a doctor or support from AA so I thought for sure that I must not be a "real" alcoholic.
At the time I had about 3 months sober and I decided to start drinking on Weekends and special occasions "only". It seemed to be working fine for a few weeks but gradually I got back to my same routine as before of drinking every day.
So here I am about 2 years later FINALLY willing to 100% commit to saying that I can NEVER drink again because I'm an Alcoholic and moderation will NEVER work for me. I'm not a hard core AA person but I try to make a meeting now and then, especially if I feel I want a drink. Maybe it's a receipe for disaster as some on here may suggest because I'm not actively working the program but I feel quite well and I'm doing good in my early sobriety.
If you've been doing that many meetings you probably know you're an Alcoholic but maybe your "alcoholic" mind is trying to convince you that you can MODERATE? I would seriiously be carefull because you'll see that it will only lead you to trouble.
Either way, I wish you luck and hope you take a good hard look at what the reality is and make a decision based on that and not on the desire to somehow drink by convincing yourself that you can moderate.
cheers
So off I went and tried the MODERATION thing. I was fine for a little while, after all, I had managed to quit fairly easily withought help from a doctor or support from AA so I thought for sure that I must not be a "real" alcoholic.
At the time I had about 3 months sober and I decided to start drinking on Weekends and special occasions "only". It seemed to be working fine for a few weeks but gradually I got back to my same routine as before of drinking every day.
So here I am about 2 years later FINALLY willing to 100% commit to saying that I can NEVER drink again because I'm an Alcoholic and moderation will NEVER work for me. I'm not a hard core AA person but I try to make a meeting now and then, especially if I feel I want a drink. Maybe it's a receipe for disaster as some on here may suggest because I'm not actively working the program but I feel quite well and I'm doing good in my early sobriety.
If you've been doing that many meetings you probably know you're an Alcoholic but maybe your "alcoholic" mind is trying to convince you that you can MODERATE? I would seriiously be carefull because you'll see that it will only lead you to trouble.
Either way, I wish you luck and hope you take a good hard look at what the reality is and make a decision based on that and not on the desire to somehow drink by convincing yourself that you can moderate.
cheers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Minneapolis,Mn.
Posts: 52
Thanks for all the responses....
For me....I'm also battling severe depression and I know that I'm not alone in self-medicating with alcohol. My question has been and I know that I suffer from chronic depression(I'm taking Lexapro)...This has happened to me several times in the last 7 years where I'll get so DOWN that I use and drink alone more than usual. The depression I know came first and when it's quite bad I drink more than I would like to. Just contemplating if this makes me an alcoholic? I know that you're an alcoholic when you say you are.
cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
It seems like this question has been coming up a lot lately. It's something I'm dealing with too. I started attending AA meetings about 9 months ago when I had a couple experiences with alcohol that frightened me. I didn't black out or get out of control, but I did drink more than I'd intended and at times when it seemed unwise and as the child of alcoholics, it worried me enough to seek answers.
Now, after attending a lot of meetings and seriously looking at it I've pretty much come to the conclusion that if there's a program where I belong, it's Al-Anon. This is not because I can control my drinking, it's because I realized that I don't have to. It controls itself. It was when I started obsessing and worrying about whether I was okay or not that I felt out of control.
I think that's the most important lesson AA has taught me. Nearly every alcoholic can tell you that if they really want to they can control how much they drink - for a period of time. The point is that it took effort.
The important caveat is that I didn't come to this conclusion over a weekend or after a period of drinking in a controlled manner. It took time (several months) and the decision to allow myself to drink whenever I wanted only to discover that I had limitations that looked, well... normal. (ie. I usually decline altogether.) Either way I was open-minded and willing to accept the other possibility - that I was an alcoholic and that's why I was going to meetings.
It is a frustrating place to be and so my only advice to you is take your time and don't make any decisions for the wrong reasons. Good luck.
~SK
Now, after attending a lot of meetings and seriously looking at it I've pretty much come to the conclusion that if there's a program where I belong, it's Al-Anon. This is not because I can control my drinking, it's because I realized that I don't have to. It controls itself. It was when I started obsessing and worrying about whether I was okay or not that I felt out of control.
I think that's the most important lesson AA has taught me. Nearly every alcoholic can tell you that if they really want to they can control how much they drink - for a period of time. The point is that it took effort.
The important caveat is that I didn't come to this conclusion over a weekend or after a period of drinking in a controlled manner. It took time (several months) and the decision to allow myself to drink whenever I wanted only to discover that I had limitations that looked, well... normal. (ie. I usually decline altogether.) Either way I was open-minded and willing to accept the other possibility - that I was an alcoholic and that's why I was going to meetings.
It is a frustrating place to be and so my only advice to you is take your time and don't make any decisions for the wrong reasons. Good luck.
~SK
Raised from the Dead
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 376
chances are if you went to AA meetings, something in life was being negatively affected by alcohol. but only you can decide if you are powerless over alcohol and you're life is unmanageable. it was easy for me...as i was stealing food to survive and sleeping on floors. AA doesnt judge people so fear not about what we think. im in AA for me...and i cant control what people think of me. good luck, we're here if/when you are ready. there is a solution if you feel you need help.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Like the bear says about forest fires...
Only you can know if you can prevent uncontrolled drinking ...
Do you have the mental obession when not drinking?
No one knows when a person cosses the "invisible line" into full blown
alcoholism..when the train becomes a runaway...
Does your doctor know that you have resumed drinking?
Or..that your antidepessant was not working for you?
Please go and consult with doc before taking any medical advice here.
We are not doctors..
Love,
IO
:
Only you can know if you can prevent uncontrolled drinking ...
Do you have the mental obession when not drinking?
No one knows when a person cosses the "invisible line" into full blown
alcoholism..when the train becomes a runaway...
Does your doctor know that you have resumed drinking?
Or..that your antidepessant was not working for you?
Please go and consult with doc before taking any medical advice here.
We are not doctors..
Love,
IO
:
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Let's see, now...
If you aren't an alcoholic, then you wouldn't have any trouble not drinking, nor would you obsess over it.
If you are an alcoholic, moderation/controlled drinking will not work, if you really want to be sober...only total abstinence, one day at a time.
Either way, the 12 Steps of AA is a great way to live one's life...I wish more people would apply them...alcoholic or not.
BTW...being a little bit alcoholic is like being a little bit pregnant...you either are or you're not...only you can make that determination.
If you aren't an alcoholic, then you wouldn't have any trouble not drinking, nor would you obsess over it.
If you are an alcoholic, moderation/controlled drinking will not work, if you really want to be sober...only total abstinence, one day at a time.
Either way, the 12 Steps of AA is a great way to live one's life...I wish more people would apply them...alcoholic or not.
BTW...being a little bit alcoholic is like being a little bit pregnant...you either are or you're not...only you can make that determination.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
For what it may be worth. Several years ago an old timer in AA mentioned to me, when I was wrestling with the "controlled drinking" idea, the following food for thought.
NORMAL DRINKERS DON"T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF "CONTROLLED DRINKING."
Translation: No problem, nothing to control.
NORMAL DRINKERS DON"T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF "CONTROLLED DRINKING."
Translation: No problem, nothing to control.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by cofusedindenver
For me....I'm also battling severe depression and I know that I'm not alone in self-medicating with alcohol. My question has been and I know that I suffer from chronic depression(I'm taking Lexapro)...
Self medicating with alcohol leads to dependence for some folks...
Also, alcohol is a depressent, therefore you will feel more depressed even while being on medication. In fact the medication will not work while drinking and is usually not advised while drinking...
I knew I was alcoholic the day I picked up as a young teenager...I just spent years in denial and misery in the latter years of my drinking...Maybe you are dealing with denial issues...
Keep posting my friend...Glad you are here.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
