Dating
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
My best advice to you is to not think of it as a date, don't act like its a date. You are just gonna go hang out with this guy.
In early sobriety, it's fine to make new friends, almost no matter what you should be safe.
Getting emotionally involved/attached is where the danger comes in. You're well advised to avoid that pitfall until you feel very secure in your sobriety and basically KNOW that you could stay sober no matter what someone did to your heart. Whether that point has come in YOUR sobriety ... I don't have enough info to even hazard a guess, but I do know for certain that the timeframe is different for everyone, and it certainly might NOT take a whole year. But ... it could take a lot longer...
In early sobriety, it's fine to make new friends, almost no matter what you should be safe.
Getting emotionally involved/attached is where the danger comes in. You're well advised to avoid that pitfall until you feel very secure in your sobriety and basically KNOW that you could stay sober no matter what someone did to your heart. Whether that point has come in YOUR sobriety ... I don't have enough info to even hazard a guess, but I do know for certain that the timeframe is different for everyone, and it certainly might NOT take a whole year. But ... it could take a lot longer...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello mps,
Ummm...I have been in a relationship for a year...I have been sober over two months.. I can tell you that the disagreements we have today are very different than the disagreements we had when we were both drinking...It feels like pure torture because the first thing I THINK about after an arguement, is finding a quick fix...I don't want to feel this type of pain and have very little patience... I expect much more these days being in a relationship...
Why would you take a chance of getting your heart ripped out??? I for one would stay clear of possible pittfalls...
Ummm...I have been in a relationship for a year...I have been sober over two months.. I can tell you that the disagreements we have today are very different than the disagreements we had when we were both drinking...It feels like pure torture because the first thing I THINK about after an arguement, is finding a quick fix...I don't want to feel this type of pain and have very little patience... I expect much more these days being in a relationship...
Why would you take a chance of getting your heart ripped out??? I for one would stay clear of possible pittfalls...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2
Regardless of whether you date or don't date, life happens. There's pain involved, and nobody likes to hurt - except maybe Ralph Cifferetto on The Sopranos.
It took a long time for me to accept one simple principle: Don't use, no matter what. That "suggestion" used to make me so mad! Every time I heard it, I thought, "You people just don't understand! I'm different! I'm obviously sicker than you are because I sometimes find it impossible NOT to use. In fact, I've been using against my own will for years."
The truth that I couldn't even admit to myself was that I couldn't stop using because I still believed - way back in the sneaky part of my mind - that I could control it. After all, I'd gone out and used and come back any number of times, even with years clean. I didn't find out for myself until it was too late that the disease of addiction is progressive, incurable, and fatal if left untreated. I mean, I knew all of that about y'all, but I was different.
Turns out, I'm not. When I use any substance to change the way I feel, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, I lose control; the best I can hope for is jail or an institution. For me, this deal is an issue of life and death. Today, I choose life.
I can do anything I want to do, provided I remember that one thing: Don't use, no matter what.
It took a long time for me to accept one simple principle: Don't use, no matter what. That "suggestion" used to make me so mad! Every time I heard it, I thought, "You people just don't understand! I'm different! I'm obviously sicker than you are because I sometimes find it impossible NOT to use. In fact, I've been using against my own will for years."
The truth that I couldn't even admit to myself was that I couldn't stop using because I still believed - way back in the sneaky part of my mind - that I could control it. After all, I'd gone out and used and come back any number of times, even with years clean. I didn't find out for myself until it was too late that the disease of addiction is progressive, incurable, and fatal if left untreated. I mean, I knew all of that about y'all, but I was different.
Turns out, I'm not. When I use any substance to change the way I feel, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, I lose control; the best I can hope for is jail or an institution. For me, this deal is an issue of life and death. Today, I choose life.
I can do anything I want to do, provided I remember that one thing: Don't use, no matter what.
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