RE: What People, Places & Things Pizz You Off? Do You Hold On To Resentments?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
RE: What People, Places & Things Pizz You Off? Do You Hold On To Resentments?
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of My HP and people
like you here in SR I havent had a
drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Do you have things or people
in your past or present that have
pizzed you off or continue to pizz
u off? Maybe you are stlll harboring
those resentments towards those
people or things.
Could that be one reason why
you drank/used over? To not
have to deal with them or be
reminded how they treated u?
I drank for a many yrs over the
way i was treated as a child. A
little child verbally and physically
abuse at the hand of a parent.
Ridiculed my people who i thought
were my friends.
A spouse or family members who
never listened or understood me.
The numbing affect of alcohol worked
for awhile till no more. I wound up
on a rollercoaster ride of ups and
downs with my emotions.
It wasnt until i picked up the tools
and knowledge of my disease that
i began to let go of those resentments
and move on in a healthier direction.
I realized that resentments take a toll
on your health...it causes more problems
than you can expect....
Holding onto those resentments can
kill you...eventually if not addressed.
So i use the tools of my 12 step program
to guide me. I use the network of my
recovery program to lean on. Learn
from.
When i began to talk about what and who
was bothering me and found the proper
way to deal with them or it ...then was
I able to shed that extra baggage that
had been weighing heavy on my
shoulders and causing me to drink.
Eventually i learned that reaching for
my Power greater than I was very
instrumental in my recovery and
letting go of those unwanted
resentments.
Today im healthier and freer from
resentments.
Maybe u resent the fact u are
trying to stay clean and sober
but you keep slipping. Why?
Maybe you have many other
resentments u would like to
deal with but dont know how.
Share ur experiences, strengths
and hopes with us on ur resentments.
Thanks for letting me share.
By the Grace of My HP and people
like you here in SR I havent had a
drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Do you have things or people
in your past or present that have
pizzed you off or continue to pizz
u off? Maybe you are stlll harboring
those resentments towards those
people or things.
Could that be one reason why
you drank/used over? To not
have to deal with them or be
reminded how they treated u?
I drank for a many yrs over the
way i was treated as a child. A
little child verbally and physically
abuse at the hand of a parent.
Ridiculed my people who i thought
were my friends.
A spouse or family members who
never listened or understood me.
The numbing affect of alcohol worked
for awhile till no more. I wound up
on a rollercoaster ride of ups and
downs with my emotions.
It wasnt until i picked up the tools
and knowledge of my disease that
i began to let go of those resentments
and move on in a healthier direction.
I realized that resentments take a toll
on your health...it causes more problems
than you can expect....
Holding onto those resentments can
kill you...eventually if not addressed.
So i use the tools of my 12 step program
to guide me. I use the network of my
recovery program to lean on. Learn
from.
When i began to talk about what and who
was bothering me and found the proper
way to deal with them or it ...then was
I able to shed that extra baggage that
had been weighing heavy on my
shoulders and causing me to drink.
Eventually i learned that reaching for
my Power greater than I was very
instrumental in my recovery and
letting go of those unwanted
resentments.
Today im healthier and freer from
resentments.
Maybe u resent the fact u are
trying to stay clean and sober
but you keep slipping. Why?
Maybe you have many other
resentments u would like to
deal with but dont know how.
Share ur experiences, strengths
and hopes with us on ur resentments.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 36
I am new here and I know I have plenty of resentments. I resent my dad for abusing my mom when I was a child and trying to control me even as an adult.
I resent my mom for making me always feel like I had to be perfect and when I wasn't that I was such a disappointment.
I resent my husband for treating me like crap when I had a miscarriage. I resent him for choosing work over our family at least in my eyes, and the list could go on with the resentments I have with him.
I'm just not sure how to deal with getting rid of my resentments, but hopefully that will change if I can ever get into treatment that I desperately need.
Amanda
I resent my mom for making me always feel like I had to be perfect and when I wasn't that I was such a disappointment.
I resent my husband for treating me like crap when I had a miscarriage. I resent him for choosing work over our family at least in my eyes, and the list could go on with the resentments I have with him.
I'm just not sure how to deal with getting rid of my resentments, but hopefully that will change if I can ever get into treatment that I desperately need.
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 81
Right now I am resentment central. I resent my mother for abandoning me when I was underage. I resent her for being co-dependent to my alcoholic father for years. I resent her for re-marrying and treating her new family better than her existing children. I resent my father for being a drunk and not providing for me and my siblings when we were children. I resent them both for conveniently forgetting the past and never admitting their wrongs. I find myself resenting people who came from healthier families and can rely on them during tough times.
I want so very badly to be able to overcome all of this resentment towards my family because it has been so destructive to my life. I guess that is why I am here. I know my own failure to let go of the anger and resentment has contributed to about 95% of my drinking and drug taking over the years.
I want so very badly to be able to overcome all of this resentment towards my family because it has been so destructive to my life. I guess that is why I am here. I know my own failure to let go of the anger and resentment has contributed to about 95% of my drinking and drug taking over the years.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, N.Y.
Posts: 4,639
Hi Sharon, This is a good topic. I recently returned to AA and I'm currently working on step 1.
My 2 biggest resentments are with my 1st husband for hurting me physically and giving me chronic pain in my arm and back for the rest of my life. My second is with God although that might be loss of faith. My baby nephew died at 1 day old.
Those 2 things are when my drinking really took off for me to be a everyday drinker and isolate myself.
Barb
My 2 biggest resentments are with my 1st husband for hurting me physically and giving me chronic pain in my arm and back for the rest of my life. My second is with God although that might be loss of faith. My baby nephew died at 1 day old.
Those 2 things are when my drinking really took off for me to be a everyday drinker and isolate myself.
Barb
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
I learned early on that as long as i held onto
those resentments i would stay sick. First I
had to stop drinking....And to do that I had
to admit i was powerless over people, places
and things in my life. I also had the desire
to go to any lengths to stay sober....and i
knew i couldnt do this my myself. My will
never worked ...so i had to depend on something
or Someone to help me....
Many do chose the AA as a whole to help and
guide them....others thru their own personal
Faith is their own choice for help.
Once i managed to stay sober for awhile
and allow the fog to clear from my head
was i able to deal with resentments and fear.
During family week in treatment i sat
there with my family as we worked thru
issues....of course i was newly sober and
having to admit and accept the wrongs
i felt my family did to me was difficult....
I remember them asking, "Well how did
that make you feel." Feel? I was pissed
and angry at the abuse my mom inflicted
on me. I was angry toward my brother
for hitting me and taking moms side to
treat me like crap....
How did that make me feel? I hated
them for what they did to me.
Hatred....what a horrible word....
To feel such hardness in ur soul and
gut....its a wonder why i drank to
numb all that hatred i had....
The more i drank the more resentments
i carried...hating myself for hating
them...
I had to learn to let go of those
resentments....I had to learn to forgive
them....
"FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT
WHAT THEY DO"
It didnt matter if i thought they knew
what they were doing or not to me...
I still had to learn to forgive them....
So in saying may times .."I give to You
my mom , my family, all those that hurt me,
to guide them and keep them in ur care."
"They have hurt me so and I dont know
how to forgive them, so please show me how."
When i went thru the motions and actions
of saying i forgive u then was i able to begin
to heal....even when i didnt believe it or wanted
to believe....
Eventually my heart and soul and the lines in my
face and my actions began to soften....
No i may not forget the past of what my mom
did to me, but at least i worked thru the
resentments so i could move forward with
my own recovery and become a healthier person.
To become a more useful person in recovery
for others....
My relationship with my family is distant
even tho no one is feuding....it is i who
chose not to get close to them as i still
guard myself against rejection and hurt.
Sure i still have things in life to work on
and that is why i remain teachable....
My Power greater than I isnt thru working
on me yet....
Thanks for letting me share.
those resentments i would stay sick. First I
had to stop drinking....And to do that I had
to admit i was powerless over people, places
and things in my life. I also had the desire
to go to any lengths to stay sober....and i
knew i couldnt do this my myself. My will
never worked ...so i had to depend on something
or Someone to help me....
Many do chose the AA as a whole to help and
guide them....others thru their own personal
Faith is their own choice for help.
Once i managed to stay sober for awhile
and allow the fog to clear from my head
was i able to deal with resentments and fear.
During family week in treatment i sat
there with my family as we worked thru
issues....of course i was newly sober and
having to admit and accept the wrongs
i felt my family did to me was difficult....
I remember them asking, "Well how did
that make you feel." Feel? I was pissed
and angry at the abuse my mom inflicted
on me. I was angry toward my brother
for hitting me and taking moms side to
treat me like crap....
How did that make me feel? I hated
them for what they did to me.
Hatred....what a horrible word....
To feel such hardness in ur soul and
gut....its a wonder why i drank to
numb all that hatred i had....
The more i drank the more resentments
i carried...hating myself for hating
them...
I had to learn to let go of those
resentments....I had to learn to forgive
them....
"FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT
WHAT THEY DO"
It didnt matter if i thought they knew
what they were doing or not to me...
I still had to learn to forgive them....
So in saying may times .."I give to You
my mom , my family, all those that hurt me,
to guide them and keep them in ur care."
"They have hurt me so and I dont know
how to forgive them, so please show me how."
When i went thru the motions and actions
of saying i forgive u then was i able to begin
to heal....even when i didnt believe it or wanted
to believe....
Eventually my heart and soul and the lines in my
face and my actions began to soften....
No i may not forget the past of what my mom
did to me, but at least i worked thru the
resentments so i could move forward with
my own recovery and become a healthier person.
To become a more useful person in recovery
for others....
My relationship with my family is distant
even tho no one is feuding....it is i who
chose not to get close to them as i still
guard myself against rejection and hurt.
Sure i still have things in life to work on
and that is why i remain teachable....
My Power greater than I isnt thru working
on me yet....
Thanks for letting me share.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
of course I do. I'm an alcoholic.
I jsut don't have that many now that I'm finished the fourth - 8th steps.
since doing that - I can't seem to 'react' to things like I used to.
I also don't seem to allow the same things done to me, either.
kinda coincidental, huh?
I jsut don't have that many now that I'm finished the fourth - 8th steps.
since doing that - I can't seem to 'react' to things like I used to.
I also don't seem to allow the same things done to me, either.
kinda coincidental, huh?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
When i hit bottom, i was basically t-off at the world, everyone in it
and me included..then AA had to just slap god into it too.
well, I was t-off and god to , if there was a god.
After going through a bitter divorced. I had a really , really
hard time accepting that. It was in my belief that i was go to
hell and I'm not even chatholic.lol I started a wierd decline into
the abyss or got way out there or got to that incomprehencable zone.
impending doom stuff....all of that rolled into one.lol
Every breath i took was painful. Every moment that i was sober
or aware and not obsessiving on work, partying or whatever was painful.
Then AA had to go on and tell stuff like .."life on life's term"
" i can't live in my own skin"..it fustrated me even more.
but it was healing in a way...those phases I can relate to.
The thing about it was...I passed as a normal person on the outside
and i was all f-up on the inside.
I already knew meth was going to make me pychotic
I already knew alcohol was going to wack me out.
All i can say is..i didn't want to live anymore.
It's had to had been grace. At the state i was in, there's nothing esle
that made sense. There was no logic to it...you know I'm an alki i guess.
I thought everything through and through...again and again.
There's a big different today, i don't feel like that anymore.
Even if life dosn't go my way. i get angery sometimes...i won't deny that.
A resentment ???...mmm, i can't afford that today at any cuase.
A resentment being sober ??..holi mother of god..that totally sucks
i don't like that crazy stuff anymore.
mmm..when i was working on step # 6 and #7 asking my sponsor
all kinds of questions. His answer to me was
" it's becuase you like it".lol
the man gives me riddles or is it I'm just too complicate.
Simplicity hurts my head..lol
why ?
mmm..I'm alki..I like to think through and through..lmao
and me included..then AA had to just slap god into it too.
well, I was t-off and god to , if there was a god.
After going through a bitter divorced. I had a really , really
hard time accepting that. It was in my belief that i was go to
hell and I'm not even chatholic.lol I started a wierd decline into
the abyss or got way out there or got to that incomprehencable zone.
impending doom stuff....all of that rolled into one.lol
Every breath i took was painful. Every moment that i was sober
or aware and not obsessiving on work, partying or whatever was painful.
Then AA had to go on and tell stuff like .."life on life's term"
" i can't live in my own skin"..it fustrated me even more.
but it was healing in a way...those phases I can relate to.
The thing about it was...I passed as a normal person on the outside
and i was all f-up on the inside.
I already knew meth was going to make me pychotic
I already knew alcohol was going to wack me out.
All i can say is..i didn't want to live anymore.
It's had to had been grace. At the state i was in, there's nothing esle
that made sense. There was no logic to it...you know I'm an alki i guess.
I thought everything through and through...again and again.
There's a big different today, i don't feel like that anymore.
Even if life dosn't go my way. i get angery sometimes...i won't deny that.
A resentment ???...mmm, i can't afford that today at any cuase.
A resentment being sober ??..holi mother of god..that totally sucks
i don't like that crazy stuff anymore.
mmm..when i was working on step # 6 and #7 asking my sponsor
all kinds of questions. His answer to me was
" it's becuase you like it".lol
the man gives me riddles or is it I'm just too complicate.
Simplicity hurts my head..lol
why ?
mmm..I'm alki..I like to think through and through..lmao
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I resented my Mom because I never felt loved, and never heard her say, "I love you." Now that I'm older and sober for a good number of years, I can forgive her...because, as a child herself, she never felt love, or heard the words spoken to her. We learn by example, don't we? Even in my active alcoholism, I always tried to let my children know that I loved them. Today, even though they are 51, 50, and 44, I never end a phone conversation without saying, "I love you."
When I quit drinking and started going to AA meetings, I had a tremendous resentment against my husband and the woman he left me for (after 22 years of marriage). My sponsor told me to pray for them...I can't tell you the exact words of my response to her...SR doesn't allow profanity. But, I took her advice and began praying for them...just a simple, "God, help them to stay sober." Lo and behold, the resentment was lifted, and I stayed sober.
Since I'm in a nursing home now, the thing that bothers me most is seeing fellow patients abused or neglected. I don't wait for it to fester into a resentment...I go directly to whoever can do something to remedy the situation.
Resentments are like poison that can eat away at you from the inside out. As with any other negative feelings that might jeopardize my sobriety, I use a bit of advice I learned in detox: Trace it, face it, erase it. Figure out the source/reason for the negativity...admit that you're feeling a human emotion (perhaps do a quick fourth or tenth step)...take whatever action is necessary to get rid of the bad feelings.
When all else fails, the good old Serenity Prayer works wonders!
When I quit drinking and started going to AA meetings, I had a tremendous resentment against my husband and the woman he left me for (after 22 years of marriage). My sponsor told me to pray for them...I can't tell you the exact words of my response to her...SR doesn't allow profanity. But, I took her advice and began praying for them...just a simple, "God, help them to stay sober." Lo and behold, the resentment was lifted, and I stayed sober.
Since I'm in a nursing home now, the thing that bothers me most is seeing fellow patients abused or neglected. I don't wait for it to fester into a resentment...I go directly to whoever can do something to remedy the situation.
Resentments are like poison that can eat away at you from the inside out. As with any other negative feelings that might jeopardize my sobriety, I use a bit of advice I learned in detox: Trace it, face it, erase it. Figure out the source/reason for the negativity...admit that you're feeling a human emotion (perhaps do a quick fourth or tenth step)...take whatever action is necessary to get rid of the bad feelings.
When all else fails, the good old Serenity Prayer works wonders!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Wow ...we have heard some good ESH here....
When people share what has happened the them
and what they did about the situaton....and the
result of taking that action,,,,,well....
You get the ultimate reward.....peace, serinity, hope,
recovery,,,,,
There's always gonna be something or someone on a daily
bases that will eventually hit a nerve with us,,,,the
trick is learning how to re-act or not re-act.
Im one of those that could shot my mouth off emmediately
if i was not cautious....If i was not armed with the
proper knowledge of how to deal with resentments....
I mean im not perfect cause i can still fall back into old
patterns....but im aware of what to do and not to do...
PROGRESS and not PERFECTION. Right...
Hey, how does everyone feel now that you have
shared about ur resentments.....lighter?
I know when i can share whats going on with me
then i do feel a sense of peace....it helps me
see first hand whats been locked up inside of me
and unleashing all that baggage... WHEW..!
When people share what has happened the them
and what they did about the situaton....and the
result of taking that action,,,,,well....
You get the ultimate reward.....peace, serinity, hope,
recovery,,,,,
There's always gonna be something or someone on a daily
bases that will eventually hit a nerve with us,,,,the
trick is learning how to re-act or not re-act.
Im one of those that could shot my mouth off emmediately
if i was not cautious....If i was not armed with the
proper knowledge of how to deal with resentments....
I mean im not perfect cause i can still fall back into old
patterns....but im aware of what to do and not to do...
PROGRESS and not PERFECTION. Right...
Hey, how does everyone feel now that you have
shared about ur resentments.....lighter?
I know when i can share whats going on with me
then i do feel a sense of peace....it helps me
see first hand whats been locked up inside of me
and unleashing all that baggage... WHEW..!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I think it's also becuase we lack living tools at first and it also depends
how we as indiviual process life or how we were raised or how we survived.
Anger and resentments can be a very touchy subject.
For me, i bascially became a walking time bomb becuase
I never processed my anger or was allow to process any of my
negative emotions, so basically i stuff them or i get drunk or high
to cope. i had to behave, always behave being raise by an alcoholic
father. Mom walking on eggs shells telling the kids to behave becuase
you don't know what you're going to get when dad gets home.
I'm what most professional counselor would term " the lost child"
As a teenager..i bascially locked myself in my room. i play my music
to espace from it all. but dad would dad and took my guitar away.
And living like that for years and years , really, really wacked me
out mentally, emotionally and spiritaully.
Well, gee whizz..joining the military was right up my alley.
You bascially get scream at all day and can't say a word.
i drank heavily and paty hard to cope. Some would say..i was just
blowing off steam. but it was progressive. Strange as it was
my ex-wife had the same type of personality as my father..lol
And i totally fell in love with her..as i love my father very much.
I didn't totally understand what was happing to me, becuase
strange as it was...everybody around me was doing the samething.lol
I thought it was normal as normal can be...But man..i felt like dying
on the inside while driving my new Trans Am to work everyday.
Bascailly if i don't process my anger...they become resentments.
And if i continue to do the samething and expect a differnt result.
when it comes to anger...it'll drive me really, really insane.
Anger and resentments are not the same to me.
anyway, i learned through the principles of recovery.
Life is not without pain..Life is not without anger.
surpressing my anger can also lead to depression. Btw, i suffer
a lot of depressions when i first got sober. Through meetings
and just sharing on whatever it is i feel was a process of healing.
I was shy or didn't think anyone could or would or even cared what
i had to say, so it was a bit rough going at first for me to even open
up myself to anyone...yet to talk about some of my problems or
emotions in front of a group of people. I bascially sat in my coner
and staired at the walls during meetings. Right out my alley...
I would show up to school drunk or high, but i never acted out.
I had good grades and the teachers never said anything.
My trig teacher would trip sometimes...seeing my blood shot eyes,
but i got straight As in my math classes. Dating the teacher's
pet helps too.lol
My spiriatual advisor would term me an introverted person.
i keep everything inside.
Praying for others i couldn't grasp it at first.
So I started writing. i kept a journal. i wrote about a lot of my emotions
and experince in life before i even worked on my steps.
i heard someone sharing about keeping a journal, so I just took that
suggestion..it was up my alley, I was shy or didn't think anyone
would care. Strange as it was...I was doing something that
we're all suppost to be doing without even knowing it.
Taking a personal inventory or processing my emotions.
As i say..it's beyound my logic of how and why i got to AA
and how I start a journey of recovey and continue to do so.
it's only by the grace of god.
why ???....
becuase half of the time i still don't THINK I beliving in god.
how we as indiviual process life or how we were raised or how we survived.
Anger and resentments can be a very touchy subject.
For me, i bascially became a walking time bomb becuase
I never processed my anger or was allow to process any of my
negative emotions, so basically i stuff them or i get drunk or high
to cope. i had to behave, always behave being raise by an alcoholic
father. Mom walking on eggs shells telling the kids to behave becuase
you don't know what you're going to get when dad gets home.
I'm what most professional counselor would term " the lost child"
As a teenager..i bascially locked myself in my room. i play my music
to espace from it all. but dad would dad and took my guitar away.
And living like that for years and years , really, really wacked me
out mentally, emotionally and spiritaully.
Well, gee whizz..joining the military was right up my alley.
You bascially get scream at all day and can't say a word.
i drank heavily and paty hard to cope. Some would say..i was just
blowing off steam. but it was progressive. Strange as it was
my ex-wife had the same type of personality as my father..lol
And i totally fell in love with her..as i love my father very much.
I didn't totally understand what was happing to me, becuase
strange as it was...everybody around me was doing the samething.lol
I thought it was normal as normal can be...But man..i felt like dying
on the inside while driving my new Trans Am to work everyday.
Bascailly if i don't process my anger...they become resentments.
And if i continue to do the samething and expect a differnt result.
when it comes to anger...it'll drive me really, really insane.
Anger and resentments are not the same to me.
anyway, i learned through the principles of recovery.
Life is not without pain..Life is not without anger.
surpressing my anger can also lead to depression. Btw, i suffer
a lot of depressions when i first got sober. Through meetings
and just sharing on whatever it is i feel was a process of healing.
I was shy or didn't think anyone could or would or even cared what
i had to say, so it was a bit rough going at first for me to even open
up myself to anyone...yet to talk about some of my problems or
emotions in front of a group of people. I bascially sat in my coner
and staired at the walls during meetings. Right out my alley...
I would show up to school drunk or high, but i never acted out.
I had good grades and the teachers never said anything.
My trig teacher would trip sometimes...seeing my blood shot eyes,
but i got straight As in my math classes. Dating the teacher's
pet helps too.lol
My spiriatual advisor would term me an introverted person.
i keep everything inside.
Praying for others i couldn't grasp it at first.
So I started writing. i kept a journal. i wrote about a lot of my emotions
and experince in life before i even worked on my steps.
i heard someone sharing about keeping a journal, so I just took that
suggestion..it was up my alley, I was shy or didn't think anyone
would care. Strange as it was...I was doing something that
we're all suppost to be doing without even knowing it.
Taking a personal inventory or processing my emotions.
As i say..it's beyound my logic of how and why i got to AA
and how I start a journey of recovey and continue to do so.
it's only by the grace of god.
why ???....
becuase half of the time i still don't THINK I beliving in god.
Last edited by SaTiT; 07-27-2007 at 05:43 AM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NSW
Posts: 2,907
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
[QUOTE[I jsut don't have that many now that I'm finished the fourth - 8th steps.
since doing that - I can't seem to 'react' to things like I used to.
Me to barb...isn't it a relief
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Btw..i Aced my Logic college class too.
oki doki...you all know the statue of the THINKER...
The dude that's made of stone that don't move all day or all night,
rain or shine. That's right up my alley.lol
oki doki...you all know the statue of the THINKER...
The dude that's made of stone that don't move all day or all night,
rain or shine. That's right up my alley.lol
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