I don't think AA works for me...
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lakewood, Ca
Posts: 5
Hi Ump,
I, too, was not comfortable within the AA framework when I decided to first get clean. Through my own research and self-education on the subject of recovery, I have decided to stop going to AA meetings, although I've incorporated some of their twelve steps into my daily living. I've also used some of SMART recovery's tools as well as other resources, including self-help literature. Needless to say, I'm four months clean and never been happier and healthier. Just wanted to post this as an example of an "AA alternative," but I would recommend you find whichever program of recovery works best for you, as we all dance to a different tune.
I, too, was not comfortable within the AA framework when I decided to first get clean. Through my own research and self-education on the subject of recovery, I have decided to stop going to AA meetings, although I've incorporated some of their twelve steps into my daily living. I've also used some of SMART recovery's tools as well as other resources, including self-help literature. Needless to say, I'm four months clean and never been happier and healthier. Just wanted to post this as an example of an "AA alternative," but I would recommend you find whichever program of recovery works best for you, as we all dance to a different tune.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 180
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time 
The term dry drunk to me refers to the fact that all I have done was taken alcohol away, and now, I'm the same person w/o alcohol.
The SAME old character............same behaviors.
Irritable, discontent & unsatisfied.
Impatient, little tolerance, angry.......you name it.
Do you depsie that term because it fits?
Tom
The SAME old character............same behaviors.
Irritable, discontent & unsatisfied.
Impatient, little tolerance, angry.......you name it.
Do you depsie that term because it fits?
Tom
I think I know what Jane is talking about. I feel the same way. Lots of AA'ers believe that those of us who get sober without the program are "dry drunks" and doomed to fail. I wasn't a mean, nasty person before I quit drinking and I am not one now. If anything, I feel extremely happy and grateful and full of hope. I think that "dry drunks" are most likely people who were jerks in the first place...and when you subtract the booze, you have a sober jerk.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
I have been in AA and sober for the past several years. The only person that I am absolutely positive that AA will work for is me. I happen to be affiliated with a fellow sober 10 years who found his sober path in a church group. I could tell you I am sure that his church group won't work for me and be pretty sure of that statement; however I didn't try his church.
In my opinion sobriety manifests itself with a committed willingness and a true desire to get and stay sober. This involves admitting that we have a problem and believing it! After we have done that we have to find someone or something that can help us find a way to deal with and more importantly handle our "admitted" problem. The handling part is what seems to be a major stumbling block for most of us. If we don't find that solution then we are miserable and with enough misery we seem to only know one solution and that is our "drug" of choice.
I am always surprised, but not really when I consider who we are as a group, that it somehow becomes so important to be RIGHT about which way we got and more importantly stay sober. We cite various antidotal cases about whom and how long this person or that got sober and how long they have been that way.
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! Please consider that the term "works" by definition is what gives you the life and the results that MAKE YOU HAPPY. I am sure if, with the help of the internet I researched how many people jumped from airplanes WITHOUT a parachute and lived I would find a few, or at least one. That doesn't mean that I am going to take up skydiving without a parachute based on that instance.
I for one use AA because the fellowship has had so much failure and quite a few successes and they seem to have made every mistake cumulatively that can be made, so I don't have to make all of them myself. I just try and follow the example set by people who are sober longer than I am. I may find out that it isn't the best way, but I am happy so far.
None of us are going to get out of this world alive; I just want to keep enjoying the ride on my old "one day at a time" train. There seem to be plenty of drunks as it is inside AA and I can't see the need to recruit. No matter how many drunks we have there always seems to be an empty seat IF YOU WANT IT.
Best of luck to any and all who are trying what ever method they choose to get and more importantly stay sober. "Dry Drunk" is just a snappy way to say UNHAPPY.
AN ALCOHOLIC IS A PERSON WHO FINDS SOMETHING THAT WORKS AND QUITS DOING IT
In my opinion sobriety manifests itself with a committed willingness and a true desire to get and stay sober. This involves admitting that we have a problem and believing it! After we have done that we have to find someone or something that can help us find a way to deal with and more importantly handle our "admitted" problem. The handling part is what seems to be a major stumbling block for most of us. If we don't find that solution then we are miserable and with enough misery we seem to only know one solution and that is our "drug" of choice.
I am always surprised, but not really when I consider who we are as a group, that it somehow becomes so important to be RIGHT about which way we got and more importantly stay sober. We cite various antidotal cases about whom and how long this person or that got sober and how long they have been that way.
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! Please consider that the term "works" by definition is what gives you the life and the results that MAKE YOU HAPPY. I am sure if, with the help of the internet I researched how many people jumped from airplanes WITHOUT a parachute and lived I would find a few, or at least one. That doesn't mean that I am going to take up skydiving without a parachute based on that instance.
I for one use AA because the fellowship has had so much failure and quite a few successes and they seem to have made every mistake cumulatively that can be made, so I don't have to make all of them myself. I just try and follow the example set by people who are sober longer than I am. I may find out that it isn't the best way, but I am happy so far.
None of us are going to get out of this world alive; I just want to keep enjoying the ride on my old "one day at a time" train. There seem to be plenty of drunks as it is inside AA and I can't see the need to recruit. No matter how many drunks we have there always seems to be an empty seat IF YOU WANT IT.
Best of luck to any and all who are trying what ever method they choose to get and more importantly stay sober. "Dry Drunk" is just a snappy way to say UNHAPPY.
AN ALCOHOLIC IS A PERSON WHO FINDS SOMETHING THAT WORKS AND QUITS DOING IT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
J:
Sage words my friend. Thank you.
For my part, I could CARE LESS what program of sobriety ANYone chooses. I sure as heck know that AA needs NO recruiters, least of all ME.
BUT ... people NEED a program of SOME KIND to get well, they need to learn the tools SOMEWHERE. And it so happens that AA/NA have the longest proven history of providing a framework that works for people who utilize that framework, and it's basically FREE, sooooo ...
If what you're doing now isn't working for you, which, as J points out, should rationally be defined as 'isn't making you happy/sober', then try something else. The doors, and the arms, of AA/NA will always be open to welcome you back if ever you decide that you personally NEED to utilize a proven set of tools rather than ones of your own construction in order to get well.
Sage words my friend. Thank you.
For my part, I could CARE LESS what program of sobriety ANYone chooses. I sure as heck know that AA needs NO recruiters, least of all ME.
BUT ... people NEED a program of SOME KIND to get well, they need to learn the tools SOMEWHERE. And it so happens that AA/NA have the longest proven history of providing a framework that works for people who utilize that framework, and it's basically FREE, sooooo ...
If what you're doing now isn't working for you, which, as J points out, should rationally be defined as 'isn't making you happy/sober', then try something else. The doors, and the arms, of AA/NA will always be open to welcome you back if ever you decide that you personally NEED to utilize a proven set of tools rather than ones of your own construction in order to get well.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
The one thing that hasn't been brought up about AA is that if you go to enough meetings and listen to the "really smart" old timers you can then STEAL their words and write them on a sobriety site and people will think you are wise!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SC
Posts: 43
I was sober for 4-5 months a couple of years ago, without AA. At the time, I was seeing friends and being as social as a loner like me could be.
I think one reason I was and am turned off by AA still is by how it seems to be listed and ingrained as THE answer to stopping drinking..... I know that put me off..... and I quit with the help of Jesus Christ..... however, that did not mean that I did not have to change.....! I did.... I had to get out more, and quit the loner thing....
I am just trying to relate to others on here who feel AA gets shoved down their throat... after I started up drinking again (I dont call it a "relapse" cuz I feel getting cancer again is a relapse, not drinking alcohol, which I can choose to do or not to d.....)..... It is a turn off as I said.
Well, peace out,
o
I think one reason I was and am turned off by AA still is by how it seems to be listed and ingrained as THE answer to stopping drinking..... I know that put me off..... and I quit with the help of Jesus Christ..... however, that did not mean that I did not have to change.....! I did.... I had to get out more, and quit the loner thing....
I am just trying to relate to others on here who feel AA gets shoved down their throat... after I started up drinking again (I dont call it a "relapse" cuz I feel getting cancer again is a relapse, not drinking alcohol, which I can choose to do or not to d.....)..... It is a turn off as I said.
Well, peace out,
o
Sav
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NYC,NY
Posts: 128
Originally Posted by ump
...but I don't know anything else. People tell me that I haven't given it the full try, since I've never established a real relationship with my sponsor, and haven't fully given myself in to AA.
I don't want to rely on other people so much in my recovery. More importantly, people around me think that AA is the only way, even though my situation just repeats itself and I go around in this vicious circle.
Anyone have any tips on some good AA alternatives and how I can deal with people around me who say that AA is the only way? (especially my girlfriend who is in AA herself)
I don't want to rely on other people so much in my recovery. More importantly, people around me think that AA is the only way, even though my situation just repeats itself and I go around in this vicious circle.
Anyone have any tips on some good AA alternatives and how I can deal with people around me who say that AA is the only way? (especially my girlfriend who is in AA herself)
You could always try therapy. Or a group therapy session run by a psychologist. Perhaps you have issues you need to work through that keep the "basic set of tools" that AA gives you incompatible. You'd be trying to "delve" into your psyche, and get to the core root of your behavior. AA is great as an "alternate obsession" but some people need more... or less. I'm not putting AA down by saying that, by the way, I think it's a wonderful solution for obsessive personalities who need some other focus than drugs/alchohol. That with the group mentality of "we're all in this together because we're all the same" makes for a strong, supportive situation.
But if you're more of a loner, or have those deep rooted problems, or something else, it may not work for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Posts: 3,760
Originally Posted by ump
...but I don't know anything else. People tell me that I haven't given it the full try, since I've never established a real relationship with my sponsor, and haven't fully given myself in to AA.
Been in AA for over 21 yewars and felt the same way you did..Unitl I heard someone say at a meeting..."Put as much effort into your recovery as you put into your drinking and using....participate in your own recovery."" i really had to give that soem honest thought. I had been attending meetings as many as 4 each and every day...But what i did]scovered was sitting there in the meetings was not enough..There had to be action on my part...Listening was and still is an somewhat passive...
I went out and started being of service...then I started sharing...then allowed others to share with me individually...When I started working the program started working.
It isn't quite enough to just sit on the sidelines...kind of like watching a basket ball game from the bench....
Carpe Diem
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: I live by the riiiver!
Posts: 149
I tried doing it my own way a couple of times and never made it over 50 days. I thought I had a handle on myself and knew myself best and that was that. I thought that if you admitted powerlessness you were a weakling and that if you can't control your willpower and impulses you have way more problems that I do.
YEAH RIGHT.
I relapsed a number of times until I seriously was on my death bed. At that point I realized that there isn't any idea that I could have come up with that was going to save me. I didn't know how to live, only how to kill myself and fast. So I decided I would go to AA and I would listen to any type of advice they gave me. And everyone said the one tenet I hear often repeated to newcomers: go to meetings and don't use between meetings. So I did that. Other things fell into place. I met new people, got a sponsor, worked on Steps, etc. But just being willing to listen and to take someone's advice instead of listening to my own was what saved me, and what saves me every minute of every day since then.
It may not be for you, but don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
YEAH RIGHT.
I relapsed a number of times until I seriously was on my death bed. At that point I realized that there isn't any idea that I could have come up with that was going to save me. I didn't know how to live, only how to kill myself and fast. So I decided I would go to AA and I would listen to any type of advice they gave me. And everyone said the one tenet I hear often repeated to newcomers: go to meetings and don't use between meetings. So I did that. Other things fell into place. I met new people, got a sponsor, worked on Steps, etc. But just being willing to listen and to take someone's advice instead of listening to my own was what saved me, and what saves me every minute of every day since then.
It may not be for you, but don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Posts: 3,760
Each person must find their own path...if it works...it isn't broke and does not need fixing....
fi it is church..so be it
If it is another recovery...so be it...
None of us can really say a "Person is a dry drunk" anymore than we can diagnosis a person as an alcoholic...It tells us in the BB we cannot diagnosis another person...
The person themselves can only determine that..
Nor can we see the inner workings of a person...We can all be struggling with our own demons...and still be clean and sober.
I must always look in the mirror at me rather than to attempt to look at the journey and struggels of another... I can only share my oown hourney and ESH.
fi it is church..so be it
If it is another recovery...so be it...
None of us can really say a "Person is a dry drunk" anymore than we can diagnosis a person as an alcoholic...It tells us in the BB we cannot diagnosis another person...
The person themselves can only determine that..
Nor can we see the inner workings of a person...We can all be struggling with our own demons...and still be clean and sober.
I must always look in the mirror at me rather than to attempt to look at the journey and struggels of another... I can only share my oown hourney and ESH.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
All I can say is that it DOES work if you work it...but if I had to offer some practical advice it would be :
1. Put down the booze - AA or anything else didn't/couldn't work for me until I did that;
2. Try NA...it's also 12 step but some people find it more accessible - I use both.
Good luck!
Cathy31
x
1. Put down the booze - AA or anything else didn't/couldn't work for me until I did that;
2. Try NA...it's also 12 step but some people find it more accessible - I use both.
Good luck!
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
I just want to say thanks and to reiterate Duck's story in case anyone missed it above. This sums up my (and I'm sure many of our) stories beautifully. It really is this simple, too:
"I relapsed a number of times until I seriously was on my death bed. At that point I realized that there isn't any idea that I could have come up with that was going to save me. I didn't know how to live, only how to kill myself and fast. So I decided I would go to AA and I would listen to any type of advice they gave me. And everyone said the one tenet I hear often repeated to newcomers: go to meetings and don't use between meetings. So I did that. Other things fell into place. I met new people, got a sponsor, worked on Steps, etc. But just being willing to listen and to take someone's advice instead of listening to my own was what saved me, and what saves me every minute of every day since then.
It may not be for you, but don't knock it 'till you've tried it. "
"I relapsed a number of times until I seriously was on my death bed. At that point I realized that there isn't any idea that I could have come up with that was going to save me. I didn't know how to live, only how to kill myself and fast. So I decided I would go to AA and I would listen to any type of advice they gave me. And everyone said the one tenet I hear often repeated to newcomers: go to meetings and don't use between meetings. So I did that. Other things fell into place. I met new people, got a sponsor, worked on Steps, etc. But just being willing to listen and to take someone's advice instead of listening to my own was what saved me, and what saves me every minute of every day since then.
It may not be for you, but don't knock it 'till you've tried it. "
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