I hate this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
I hate this
Or not.
I can't make up my mind, I'm running in circles thinking about things and what used to cure that was a shot or nine.
I can't get drunk because I am trying to be healthy and I have made a goal to myself to go for at least a week without drinking.
I have things to do tomorrow that require I not be hung over. I could have just one drink, and I could say no to any more. But I would not be satisfied, I'd just be pissed for the rest of the day.
It's day four and I hate this.
No monster withdrawal symptoms, I just hate being here and present. At this very moment....I mean, I know it'll pass...
Meanwhile I am making myself dizzy thinking about things and I'm tempted to eat too much. I'm worrying about everything under the sun. I don't know how to turn off my brain.
Anyone else feel like this sometimes?
I can't make up my mind, I'm running in circles thinking about things and what used to cure that was a shot or nine.
I can't get drunk because I am trying to be healthy and I have made a goal to myself to go for at least a week without drinking.
I have things to do tomorrow that require I not be hung over. I could have just one drink, and I could say no to any more. But I would not be satisfied, I'd just be pissed for the rest of the day.
It's day four and I hate this.
No monster withdrawal symptoms, I just hate being here and present. At this very moment....I mean, I know it'll pass...
Meanwhile I am making myself dizzy thinking about things and I'm tempted to eat too much. I'm worrying about everything under the sun. I don't know how to turn off my brain.
Anyone else feel like this sometimes?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
I have felt that way before..... obsessed over everyone and everything????
Maybe you should see your doctor and maybe attend a couple CoDA meetings or theraphy and find out why you hate being here and present.
That would be my big worry if it were me.... Life is a beautiful gift, you just have to figureout how to live it... and numbing it is not living it...
Maybe you should see your doctor and maybe attend a couple CoDA meetings or theraphy and find out why you hate being here and present.
That would be my big worry if it were me.... Life is a beautiful gift, you just have to figureout how to live it... and numbing it is not living it...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
Hi,
You sound pretty overwhelmed. I remember feeling that way not too long ago. Know that you don't need to drink. Even if you don't whole-heartedly want to get sober right now... your view on that will likely change once the detox brain fog lifts and you start to feel better. Maybe try going to a meeting. Stay strong.
You sound pretty overwhelmed. I remember feeling that way not too long ago. Know that you don't need to drink. Even if you don't whole-heartedly want to get sober right now... your view on that will likely change once the detox brain fog lifts and you start to feel better. Maybe try going to a meeting. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Yeah, I remember feeling like that. I remember not liking it too !
2-3 days into sobriety, I must of walked up and down my stairs 4 times. I just couldn't make a decision about anything.
AKA "The Comittee" in AA. I used to drink just to shut it up.
The good news is there is a solution. I haven't had a drink in 7 months, and The Comittee is barely a quiet murmer in the back of my head. Heck, most days it's silent.
I've also learned to have Faith, make an informed decision, and go with it. I let God sort things out. Hasn't failed me yet.
Hang in there, it gets better,
2-3 days into sobriety, I must of walked up and down my stairs 4 times. I just couldn't make a decision about anything.
I don't know how to turn off my brain.
The good news is there is a solution. I haven't had a drink in 7 months, and The Comittee is barely a quiet murmer in the back of my head. Heck, most days it's silent.
I've also learned to have Faith, make an informed decision, and go with it. I let God sort things out. Hasn't failed me yet.
Hang in there, it gets better,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
I hate being such an attention seeker. Talking to you guys helps.
I don't even know if the reason I feel as bad as I do is because of stopping drinking or whether I am just ill.
I'm beginning to have panic attacks which I haven't experienced in months. I'm dizzy and scared and I keep getting shooting pains in my head.
I hate this. And if it isn't stopping drinking that's causing it, then I'm even more worried.
I feel better when I am around people, so I guess it's psychological.
Bleh.
I don't even know if the reason I feel as bad as I do is because of stopping drinking or whether I am just ill.
I'm beginning to have panic attacks which I haven't experienced in months. I'm dizzy and scared and I keep getting shooting pains in my head.
I hate this. And if it isn't stopping drinking that's causing it, then I'm even more worried.
I feel better when I am around people, so I guess it's psychological.
Bleh.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
i can't stop thinking and i am beginning to just hate myself for being so weak. i just want to turn my brain off.
how do people cope with this?
i'm tired but i can't sleep, all i can do is obsess about everything about myself that i dislike.
how do people cope with this?
i'm tired but i can't sleep, all i can do is obsess about everything about myself that i dislike.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hey Sunkensky,
You are definitely not alone.
I had the overactive mind and I still have the anxiety/panic/sheer terror. It does help to know you are not the only one I don't have any explanation for it except that years ago when i started drinking too much I did so for a reason ( i have no knowledge of that reason and no recollection of what it was but I bet I was trying to blot out some trivial or maybe some huge problem or emotional issue. Years of drinking suppressesd whatever that was and it has lay dormant in my subconcious and all the time it has been growing - now there is no alcohol to control or suppress it and its back with vengance. The real problem is because I have forgotten what it was in the first place I can't deal with it so it causes panic and anxiety because I know something is wrong but I have no idea what.
Does any of that make sense. To follow on from that if You DO knnow what the underlying cause is then you are now dealing with it without alcohol so it is all true real emotion, stuff you havn't experienced for years your brain has kind of forgotten how to deal with real happiness, real love, real compasion, real pain, because alcohol/drugs have been influencing its thought processes for a long time.
Sorry for the ramble hope some of it helps.
Hang in there
hugs
You are definitely not alone.
I had the overactive mind and I still have the anxiety/panic/sheer terror. It does help to know you are not the only one I don't have any explanation for it except that years ago when i started drinking too much I did so for a reason ( i have no knowledge of that reason and no recollection of what it was but I bet I was trying to blot out some trivial or maybe some huge problem or emotional issue. Years of drinking suppressesd whatever that was and it has lay dormant in my subconcious and all the time it has been growing - now there is no alcohol to control or suppress it and its back with vengance. The real problem is because I have forgotten what it was in the first place I can't deal with it so it causes panic and anxiety because I know something is wrong but I have no idea what.
Does any of that make sense. To follow on from that if You DO knnow what the underlying cause is then you are now dealing with it without alcohol so it is all true real emotion, stuff you havn't experienced for years your brain has kind of forgotten how to deal with real happiness, real love, real compasion, real pain, because alcohol/drugs have been influencing its thought processes for a long time.
Sorry for the ramble hope some of it helps.
Hang in there
hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Smallish town in Oklahoma
Posts: 3
What do you hate?
Are you withdrawling from drugs or just trying to moderate your drinking? I am new to this site so I don't know your story.
I know what you mean, though, about replacing one compulsion with another (i.e. the tendancy to want to overeat) It's like you feel so empty and adjatated that you need to fill yourself up with something just to change the way you feel.
If you already have a couple of days, for god's sake, don't give them up! Those first few days are hard won, ride out the listlessness if you can. If you pray, than pray. If not, I find that some type of vigorous exercise always speeds up the withdrawl process. I am an opiate addict ( amoung other things), and am just coming out of a two month relapse. I had over a year and half clean, and then I stopped doing the things that I needed to do to stay sober. I know that we all have different things that we need to do to maintain sobriety, outside going to meetings and reading the Big Book.
As far as the brain racing dilemma, I don't know an alcoholic/addict who hasn't suffered from what feels like some type of uber ADHD. Some of it is chemical induced, and some of it is just a pattern of thinking, much like using is a pattern of behaviour, that is ruminatory and usually a sign of unresolved conflict, I think. Esp. if you are being hypercritical of yourself- you really have to cut that **** out. I finally got to a point where I had to weigh what was more important, trying to control everyone's (percieved) image of me or trying to work on myself so that I didn't have to feel so self conscious all the time, like I was a stranger in my own skin. Obviously, I still struggle with it, or I wouldn't have relapsed, but although I don't believe that relapse has to be a part of the process, sometimes it is and you just have to pick your ass up and keep going.
I'm not a big fan of cliches but I think the mantra "Keep it Simple" may serve you well untill you can get a little deeper in recovery.
Hang in there and keep posting
j
I know what you mean, though, about replacing one compulsion with another (i.e. the tendancy to want to overeat) It's like you feel so empty and adjatated that you need to fill yourself up with something just to change the way you feel.
If you already have a couple of days, for god's sake, don't give them up! Those first few days are hard won, ride out the listlessness if you can. If you pray, than pray. If not, I find that some type of vigorous exercise always speeds up the withdrawl process. I am an opiate addict ( amoung other things), and am just coming out of a two month relapse. I had over a year and half clean, and then I stopped doing the things that I needed to do to stay sober. I know that we all have different things that we need to do to maintain sobriety, outside going to meetings and reading the Big Book.
As far as the brain racing dilemma, I don't know an alcoholic/addict who hasn't suffered from what feels like some type of uber ADHD. Some of it is chemical induced, and some of it is just a pattern of thinking, much like using is a pattern of behaviour, that is ruminatory and usually a sign of unresolved conflict, I think. Esp. if you are being hypercritical of yourself- you really have to cut that **** out. I finally got to a point where I had to weigh what was more important, trying to control everyone's (percieved) image of me or trying to work on myself so that I didn't have to feel so self conscious all the time, like I was a stranger in my own skin. Obviously, I still struggle with it, or I wouldn't have relapsed, but although I don't believe that relapse has to be a part of the process, sometimes it is and you just have to pick your ass up and keep going.
I'm not a big fan of cliches but I think the mantra "Keep it Simple" may serve you well untill you can get a little deeper in recovery.
Hang in there and keep posting
j
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
Thank you. Just a response means a lot.
"Sorry for the ramble hope some of it helps."
It does.
Congrats on getting sober again, ott2. That must have been hard.
It's been a week since I last drank. If I even had any withdrawals, they weren't bad. I think I want it psychologically more than anything.
"Sorry for the ramble hope some of it helps."
It does.
Congrats on getting sober again, ott2. That must have been hard.
It's been a week since I last drank. If I even had any withdrawals, they weren't bad. I think I want it psychologically more than anything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
"I finally got to a point where I had to weigh what was more important, trying to control everyone's (percieved) image of me or trying to work on myself so that I didn't have to feel so self conscious all the time, like I was a stranger in my own skin."
this is a good reminder...eventhough it seems like it should be common sense, it is hard to live. thanks.
this is a good reminder...eventhough it seems like it should be common sense, it is hard to live. thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
sunkensky ... common sence!.. What!!!... if we had that, we wouldnt be on this site...
a little line i herd along the hop hop hop down the recovery trail...
"restored to sanity"... thats what were all working on... sunkensky, you too...
being comfortable in our own skin...
good wishes sunken
xxoo, rz
eventhough it seems like it should be common sense
a little line i herd along the hop hop hop down the recovery trail...
"restored to sanity"... thats what were all working on... sunkensky, you too...
being comfortable in our own skin...
good wishes sunken
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by sunkensky 
i can't stop thinking and i am beginning to just hate myself for being so weak. i just want to turn my brain off.
how do people cope with this?
i'm tired but i can't sleep, all i can do is obsess about everything about myself that i dislike.
how do people cope with this?
i'm tired but i can't sleep, all i can do is obsess about everything about myself that i dislike.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to make your mind up right now as to whether you "belong" in AA, are alcoholic, whatever... You can just go to find out. believe me, over time I have seen PLENTY of people who attend just for the information, to "figure it out" and to listen and to share, if they want (though there is no pressure). Some stick around, some don't. All are welcome.
There are "open" meetings where anyone can attend. They might be codependents, people doing a research paper, etc.
In fact there is one meeting I go to where an Al-Anon woman goes, every week. I don't think she has ever picked up a drink in her life and she is about 80 years old. I think her husband was the A and now he is dead. But she still goes to AA. We are a very accepting bunch. No one would ever turn her away! (plus, she brings the best cookies, lolol)
So, it might be good just for the support. No one will label you ANYTHING if you choose to attend.
I found that communicating with others who were also trying to stop drinking (or stay stopped, the difficult part) was VERY helpful.
All the best... I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers. xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
C2B is right, without a recovery plan in place (AKA AA), I was the same way. Dude, I felt like that for 4 years.......
Yup, fix yourself first. Do what's in front of you. Do what you KNOW you need to do. You know what I'm talking about, because you feel guilty when you don't do it.
finally got to a point where I had to weigh what was more important, trying to control everyone's (percieved) image of me or trying to work on myself so that I didn't have to feel so self conscious all the time, like I was a stranger in my own skin
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Smallish town in Oklahoma
Posts: 3
Sage advice
God, that is so true. ("Knowing what you need to do because you feel guilty when you don't do it"). It's funny though, how quickly I will abandon the obvious reasons for feeling anxious and irritable; i.e. that I haven't been honest with anyone in my life about my relapse, that I am engaging in other old behaviors like financial irresponsibility, or that I am isolating from others and husband and instead choose to believe that my restlessness is an external problem caused by everyone else.
But, tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to pull it together. Think about what our lives would equivocate if there were no second, third and sometimes even fourth chances.
But, tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to pull it together. Think about what our lives would equivocate if there were no second, third and sometimes even fourth chances.
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